Sunday, April 07, 2013

Parents and "Privilege" on the Autism Spectrum


Part of the reason, I would not disrespect a person identifying as a parent of another individual on the spectrum, is that I have been in all three places.

I still love and respect my parents, even though one of them was emotionally distant and close to that imaginary border of a broader autism phenotype.
 

As far as I can see, if I did not, I would be guilty of lacking empathy for those very much like me. However, my moral code belongs to me, and only me. 

There is an element of “overall parent hating” that also includes all of what is described as "neurotypical", and "Parent run" Autism Advocacy Organizations. I have observed some participating in this element of effort that I personally do not agree with.

However, it is clear to me, in the personal stories I have heard, particularly in the female dominated and described "neurodiversity community" that the parent-child relationship was not the same unconditional love I received from at least one of my parents, for some other people.

I also find myself attempting to share empathy for that perspective that I cannot possibly fully share.

I can remember one autism online community that has a history of being militant against "parents of people on the spectrum", and there was one individual that tried to get a message across to others, in his signature line that stated - "life looks different past forty, my parents are dead".

That puts the issue in a perspective of a general level of respect for parents, for the love and compassion that often comes with raising a child on the spectrum that not everyone can fully relate to.
 

However, some people on the spectrum find themselves fully depending on their parents through a substantial course of their lifetime, and fully appreciating that. I am among those individuals that share that ideology, even though I found a way to support myself.

I have my parents to thank for that.  
                  
 


                                                         

                                                      



I also see my distinct privilege on the spectrum in finding a way to support myself. I fell into an employment niche that worked for me, was able to find a spouse that complemented my various challenges in making me stronger, buy a house, and the things that many people only dream of in life, on or off the spectrum.

I lived at home until I was 28 and lived with my sister until 29. If it were not for that support, I would have been dead and/or institutionalized many years before that.

My mother raised us alone and lived a struggle from one paycheck to the next. However, one thing we never lost for many years was hope.

I fully recognize my privilege in many areas of life. I did not fully appreciate the efforts of my mother until I had a child of my own who was challenged more than I was in my life. I could not fully imagine it until then. However, if I did not have a child, I am not sure I ever would have.
 

I have no problem admitting there is a level of selfishness that can come with Autism, but it took me decades in fully realizing that, to admit it. I had little to no clue what selfish even meant.
 

It was hard for me to separate the rest of the world from me, but I was born that way, what can I say. That is what the word Autistic has meant for over a century, well before there was a diagnosis for the condition.

I see myself in that younger person in some avenues of online autistic communication. It is part of why I provide much different perspectives, in hopes that some others might not have to wait for decades for that kind of awareness that is not an inherent one for some.

However, the one thing I have experienced that I cannot do without is hope for a next moment. Something I currently have, at least for this moment, that I feel privilege for more than anything else in life. 


 

Autism, the Internet and "Ideological First Identity", a Collection of Thoughts:

http://katiemiaaghogday.blogspot.com/2013/05/autism-internet-and-ideological-first.html






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