A previous loved cat, some years ago called Elwood, mistaken for another cat on the side of the road, brought not only tears for what I thought was Elwood, but the grief for my child from several years earlier.
It did not last long, after I found out it was not Elwood.
I have been fortunate not to lose many loved ones in my life, so far.
When Elwood was gone for good, I had a hard time accepting that, but fortune seemed to come to me again, as his twin brother from down the road, decided to become adopted by us.
He was with us for about a year.
As described in my last post, Yellow Boy's Son, "Sunny Boy", recently gained residence.
However, he had been trying to secure a home since last November. After he injured our Yellow Boy, it didn't seem likely to happen, but it appears that Yellow Boy was likely the aggressor protecting his territory instead of Sunny Boy.
Sunny Boy, apparently fell to a similar fate, protecting the same territory that Yellow Boy roamed when he was an outdoor cat.
Sunny Boy, was still a little fearful of being petted so we were not sure we would be able to get him into a Cat Carrier for a trip to the Vet.
That part ended up being no problem.
When Elwood was put down it was not a hard decision as he was old and suffering. Sunny Boy is about a year and a half old, purring maybe for the first time in his life as a human finally gave him love. He even seemed to enjoy the attention at the Vet, even though he was severely injured.
I recently got a Smart phone that I took with me, to avoid anxiety.
I never thought I would use the photo feature.
I thought he would come back like Yellow Boy did when he was injured but that did not happen. I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind I thought he was emotional insurance for Yellow Boy, who has feline Leukemia, as I had earlier viewed Jake as a replacement for Elwood. It wasn't the same Cat, but I felt I had gotten the best of fate when Jake showed up.
Sunny Boy tested for Feline AIDS. He could not become an inside cat with his father, with another immune system disorder, so our choice was to risk him suffering if he could not overcome the infection outside after surgery that would be necessary, along with a continued opportunity to infect the other neighborhood cats.
I'm glad I had the photo feature, to say goodbye, with a lasting memory of another friend that made me feel human. The Vet helped to convince us it was the right decision, but that did not make it any less difficult.
Walking around the block tonight I missed my friend, but I was more in touch with the love I still have.
I could feel that tingly feeling in the tips of my fingers as I waved to my sister and friend driving by once again.
"September" by Earth Wind & Fire:
I could feel that wonderful warm feeling of the words I love you talking to my mother on the phone. And I could truly comfort my spouse in a time of need, in feeling that warm sense of compassion, that was not only words, but the truly passionate feeling I could count on most of my life, to be strong.
I had forgotten what all of that had felt like, including the complex sensations of emotion from all the images, sounds and smells walking around the block in the approaching Spring of Air. None of them that have names to me, but familiar in my existence.
"In the Stone" by Earth Wind & Fire:
Sunny boy provided me the gift of life, again, for at least a short period of time through his suffering.
I'm still not sure if I was his friend, with the decision my spouse and I made. But, never the less, he was a good friend until the end. A wonderful friendly cat, that could fully appreciate love from others.
I suppose that is a good thing about a blog, as a testament of love for others, that can be remembered more clearly if it is forgotten...
Yellow Boy looking at his Sunny Boy in the territory that once was his:
Sunny Boy almost sure that he had a Friend. I think he was fully convinced today that he could trust us. That more than anything brings the tears.
The first cat that I ever called mine was another yellow boy called Toby.
It was like magic to me when the cat lay next to me in a bed. It is a vivid memory that I hope I will never forget. I was always pleasantly surprised when anyone indicated they accepted and liked me.
There was never any question with cats. There was also no question with the only dog I had, a mixed breed Dachshund called Charlie. He helped get me through my middle school years, when he was always one friend outside my family I could count on coming home from school. That loss was painful enough, where I don't remember ever considering another dog as a pet.
Yellow boy lies next to me too, but much more often with my spouse, who he is glued to most of the day. :)
It is interesting to me, as I always find myself reflecting on every pet that gave me comfort, when I lose one. I suppose there is value to every experience in one's life, if one looks deeply enough for it.
Autism, the Internet and "Ideological First Identity", a Collection of Thoughts: