Capturing Light IN trees.. IS heArt..
Dove.. Sun.. yes.. TREE AS fuLL..
as i imagination and creativity..
human being be’s eyes
Nature True.. tHere
NO limits.. human
can be NOW..:)
i never meet my Paternal Grandfather
or Maternal Grandfather..
the first is a Catholic Priest
who becomes a Protestant Christian Evangelist..
Noted Author.. and Editor of a Christian Missions Magazine..
dying at age 55 from cancer in 1950.. however..
i can Google his books to meet him now..
whenever and wherever i like..
his most noted book named..
“Behind the Dictators”..
full version from 1942..
available for free
on the Internet in PDF version..
Oh.. the Joy of modern technology..
bringing the dearly departed back to life..
for those of us who never see them or meet them..
and yes as you know.. as a late bloomer at age 50..
about 5 years ago.. i like to write.. a WHOLE LOT..
numbering 11 million words on the Internet
at O this point.. of my life.. as many
words as someone authoring
somewhere around 13.6
full version revised
in 56 months..
with my longest
free verse epic post..
designed as the FULL
body of that post
at 24K words
in a day.. titled
‘Tsunami of Love’..
also found on Google for free..
for anyone.. hehe.. with a powerful enough
computer to open it up.. with all the multi-media
photos and videos added in.. THAT as a new
technological potential.. fulfilled..
in communicating messages
in visual moving and still images..
auditory.. songs.. and written.. yes..
in freest verse poetic expressions…
And then there is my Maternal Grandfather..
i never see his face.. as he is the black sheep
of the maternal family.. dying at age 49..
from cancer.. like my Paternal
Grandfather.. he a smart
accountant.. and fiddle player..
but eventually becoming a drifter.. half shaven..
visiting my mother’s school.. dirty.. like a hobo..
my mother ashamed of his visit.. sadly in her words then..
as a young girl.. no photos of him.. and to be honest.. i cannot
remember his first name now.. only his last name.. and that is truly sad..
as the outcasts fall off the earth.. like they never exist at all..
but you know what I FEEL..
influences me most..
to ever arrive at all these words now..
and some kind of mark left on this world..
with no children by me and wife.. surviving physically..
as i DO inherit THAT dark side.. that pain.. that
dark night of the soul from him.. within..
there is no doubt.. as it does not exist
on my Paternal side of the family..
where everything’s a breeze..
everyone is happy and
thriving in life..
the Dark Night of the Soul..
and there seems to be.. for me..
no inspiring grandfather.. either past
or present in our soul.. that the dark grandfather..
with no name.. who lives inside.. and fuels us to live..
like no one we ever know or FEEL before..:)
As i told you.. your ‘Gram’.. which i assume
is your Maternal Grandmother..
looks very much
like my Maternal
as you relate here..
has the broad
so does my father..
his father.. my Paternal
Grandfather.. foreheads almost as big
as other human heads all together from top to bottom..
haha.. yes.. Godzilla Heads.. but yeah.. a lot of stuff just waiting
to come out.. my Paternal Grandfather gets it all out.. sadly..
my father gets little of it out.. as a patriarchal oriented law
enforcement officer for 46 years.. but yeah.. i get it..
ALL OUT.. with MUCH MORE TO COME..
hehE.. smiles.. winks.. and those heart symbols too..
and as always my friend Rafiah.. thanks for the inspiration..
as we can all be each others Grandmothers and Grandfathers..
of Wisdom and Love.. or as you say Uncles in Pakistan..
if we just open up and share what we understand
and FEEL of life.. and that is the Beauty of Blogs..
where there are plenty of Uncles and Aunties out there
to connect to in an extended tribe
and family of ONE WORLD
of eyes and ears..
to RAISE THE WORLD UP and US..
instead of knocking each other down.. where the lowest
outcast like me.. a shut in for 5 long years.. can come out of that too..
and while not playing a fiddle.. become a dancing.. singing..
and writing guy too.. with a dear friend from Pakistan..
which makes all of the dark of life worth it..
just to connect to another human
being with Unconditional
Tough and Passionate
Love of the
as well as the dark soul of cross in night..
that Allah does gift US.. as well..
for the greaTEST Lights of Life..
as WELL WITH
LIVING WATER OF ALLAH..:)
YES.. BLACK PEARL..
et al.. that’s
“LOL. Your title
is code for “real f-ing sex.”
Yeah.. you ThINK YOUR PAIN IS bad..
and.. YES.. i seriously FEEL for YOU Black Pearl, ET AL..
as i have this FEELING YOU MIGHT BE literAlly
giving me ‘the real’ on THAT migraine..
but never the less.. OMG..! not only do ‘i’
have to save this world by turning everyone back
into Bootie Dancing Bonobos.. playing the role
of Angel and Devil same.. IN JUST ONE LIFE! yes..!
MOTIVatE these silly.. repressed.. oppressed..
naturAlly sexy.. human being beasts..
back to BONOBO HUMAN AGAIN!.
AFTER THIS GOD GIVEN mission is over.. BAP BOOM..! I GET DROPPED IN ANOTHER World.. have to learn everything about IT.. and save IT too!.. before the WHOLE DAM CYCLE STARTS AGAIN.. BUT OMG! IT IS SO THRILLING TO BE ME.. IN ALL THE DARK AND LIGHT AND PAIN.. PLEASURE.. THAT CAN BE.. LIVING ALIVE! IS WORTH THE PRICE OF DYING SOMENOW OR THEN..:)
And yeah.. that’s the price of being my friend..
LEARNING MORE AND MORE secret
that ain’t so
as all anyone
ever has to do
is ask.. as i
ain’t got no
And OMG! that Black Pearl
thingy gETs my heArt beating
fast just like my old
you just don’t
is nice.. to
get more likes
on your blog
THAT SEX THINGY..:)..
AND US REAL ET’S..
WE DON’T GIVE
A CRAP ABOUT
OF THE WILD
THINGY.. OUR KIND
OF LOVE IS ALL GIVING..
JUST GIVING.. RECEIVING
IS SO OLD NEW SCHOOL.. ANYWAY…:)
‘WE’ find the women of earth HIGHLY
ALLURING BUT IF WE MATE WITH
THEM WE GET IN
SO WE WATCH
YEAH.. IT’S BEEN ALMOST TWO YEARS
AND HONESTLY I DO NOT MISS ‘THAT’ AT ALL
AND HONESTLY MY WIFE NEVER
MISSES IT TO BEGIN WITH..
YES.. THE ETERNAL
PURE VIRGIN SHE
IS WITH OR WITHOUT
SEX.. AND THAT
IS THE ORIGINAL
LIKE I SAY..
HEHE!.. my wife
on the other hand
might not be so
happy about me
airing our STUFF
as that is
too.. and mission
in life of course..
the wind behind
the ALL THIS STUFF..:)
or that song..
yeah.. THIS SONG..;)
And seriously.. even if I am successful in helping to
assist human beings in returning to their natural
ALL Loving Bonobo Nature of Sharing
and Just giving..
i will credit
my wife, ET AL..
NEVER me.. and
if i am lucky she
will be my wife
in the next
AND YES.. MY NEW AND OLD
FRIEND(S) ‘BLACK AND WHITE
PEARLS’.. you guys/gals/et al..
are a breeze
And in the next world
i hope to meet
the BILL CLINTON
DEF OF SEX
say a pill
AND O GOD..
I AM SO GLAD
TO BE A MALE..
You look like a nut-job because most people aren’t really paying attention.
So here you are, airing your secrets like crazy, and I’m the only one who gets it. LOL :)”
Well.. BLACK PEARL.. you know and FEEL.. i come to dVerse.. online.. or shall i say i am led tHere.. yes i will.. like everything else in my life.. as i escape culture and religion and truly tune into the lessons of GOD and signs that are OH MY GOD everywHere onE looks and sees in life.. inside.. outside.. above so below.. and ALL AROUND LIKE THAT…
i am in this other dimension of life.. on a short three month break from college in 1981.. at age 21.. the bliss is tHere thee same bliss now.. with unlimited energy to do however and WHATEVER i am led by spirit within.. TO JUST DO IT..:)
The thing is.. back at age 21.. MOST everyone considers it insane.. and while i dO NOT then.. the fear is always somewhere hidden in me.. that hey! maybe the other folks are correct and one day perhaps i will be insane.. but anyway.. after not sleeping for three days then.. and my mother getting me all checked out in that ‘other place’ for three days.. THEN..
The doctors consider me truly an enigma.. top notch.. top of the class student.. working to get through college.. and there is no label or category of mental illness they can put me IN.. SO they let me go..
YEAH… THANK GOD! LABELS FOR ME ARE NON-EXISTENT THEN.. PARTICULARLY THAT ASPERGER’S ONE I GET LABELED WITH IN MIDDLE AGE.. as there ain’t nothing disabling for what
I AM NOW.. other than illusions of deceit in culture and religion AND SO.. IN STUFF LIKE THAT.. NOW.. WELL TG.. out of grasp now OF THAT.. to take me down.. AGAIN..:)
Well.. my GOD.. it’s simple.. it’s a vision quest that MANY open minded wild eyed humans go through.. when escaping the lies of religion and culture.. to find eyes and ears of GOD within..
AND i listen and SEE.. that voice carefully in my heArt and soUl expressed as spiRit.. that has no words then.. an amazing experience that absolutely no one i know AND FEEL.. in my small Fundie town can relate to.. then..
But my Grandfather’s genius in the Catholic Church will not be wasted on robes of Gold.. instead he impregnates a 17 year old Cajun girl.. out OF his local run parish.. in Taylor County Florida.. first married a year.. before consummating THAT..THEN BEFORE THAT.. HE GETS excommunicated.. of course.. from THAT CATHOLIC CHURCH..
AND my father one of two offspringING identical twins..
looking a little bit like cool ice vampires..
in senior class photos.. is truly an amazing cool and handsome
LAW-ENFORCEMENT dude.. WHO always has women working for him LIKE JAMES BOND.. as the secretaries at work often ‘drool’.. TO write all his reports for him.. of all TYPES then..
AND never truly has to SEE SOME OF the darkness of life.. being handsome from day one to day last.. at 81.. other than the law-enforcment stuff.. that truly takes him into A darkest place OF ALL THAT he cannot even recognize numb without emotional expression of spirit.. almost.. at all… WITH his children.. at least…
And yeah.. he spends his entire life focusing on accumulating material goods.. and does so.. so.. on that.. in big world terms.. and yeah.. i appreciate THAT AS HIS EFFORTS now in inheritance as such..
WILL SURELY FUND.. my free style of BARD
epic free verse STUFF.. AS i ALWAYS pay
LASER FOCUS in class…
including every Monday..
at poetry class OVER AT dVERSE ONLINE..
And truly Bard and Epic Poetry Class is my favorite TWO.. but NOT surprisingly IN A TWITTER WORLD.. MOST everyone else seems to forget the importance of THAT ART STILL NOW IN MODERN TIMES.. that perhaps i and you may at some point be the only new age folks still with the fortitude.. and patience to GO out out on a limb.. LIKE THAT.. with no one listening to one THAT DAY..
As all my posts are designed not as a passing fancy.. but for ages.. to come.. with someone randomly stumbling across something of ‘MIND’ and FEELING of MINE expressing it all as i do in post to post..
IN A GOOGLE SEARCH SPELLing IN/CORRECTLY THIS OR THAT.. THAT MAY SPARK SOMETHING.. ANYTHING.. IN COLD DEAD HEART.. AS EVERY ‘MISTAKE’ I MAKE IS A CALCULATED MOVE IN ART.. REASON.. IMAGINATION.. AND CREATIVITY.. WITH ONE ‘WHO’ LIVES WITHIN WHO NEVER FAILS.. AT THAT MISSION AS IS.. NOW.. AS GUIDING LIGHT WITHIN..:)
Anyway.. i am having the time of my life.. NOW.. understanding clearly what the FUTURE WILL BRING.. with or without my existence as flesh and blood on this earthly terrain…
It’s nice to have someone to understand THAT.. but in the beginning i am offered no assurance that anyone but me will see the fruition of the whole OF ALL OF THIS..
AND AGAIN.. i am just dust in the wind.. but a powerful spirit energizes the spirit of THAT DUST FORCE LIVING WITHIN ME.. NAMELY GOD.. AS A THREE LETTER WORD.. OF A FORCE THAT IS BEYOND INFINITY AS KNOWNOW.. MY FRIEND..
AND AT A LEVEL OF IMAGINATION AND CREATIVITY AS ENTIRE FORCE THAT NO HUMAN OR HUMANS WILL EVER FULLY UNDERSTAND iNfiNitY FOREVERMORENOW.. AS that IS WHO HOW THAT
WHOLE thing WORKS..
Life is for creativity..
it’s as simple
And truly it is a NEVER ENDING story
of now.. THAT IS HEAVEN OF
NOW FOR THOSE
WHO WAKE UP
FEEL AND KNOW
NOW THAT NOW
IS ALL tHere