I think I
was born as a kind of classical pantheist,
as I saw patterns and connections in things
that were more of my thinking process,
along with the tactile sensory world,
than what I think most people may experience
as an internal dialogue of thought.
"Time" by the Alan Parson's Project:
as I saw patterns and connections in things
that were more of my thinking process,
along with the tactile sensory world,
than what I think most people may experience
as an internal dialogue of thought.
"Time" by the Alan Parson's Project:
I still have a vivid memory
of connection to everything in the world,
as if I had been here
forever,
before I was able to speak
that I cannot fully put into words,
from about age 3
looking out into the distance
over the river
I grew up next to.
But I think in some ways
I knew more about my existence then
than I do now,
as I could not separate myself
from what seemed
like a very old home of nature.
of connection to everything in the world,
as if I had been here
forever,
before I was able to speak
that I cannot fully put into words,
from about age 3
looking out into the distance
over the river
I grew up next to.
But I think in some ways
I knew more about my existence then
than I do now,
as I could not separate myself
from what seemed
like a very old home of nature.
I am glad I had the opportunity
to roam desolate pristine beaches
as a teenager and young adult,
without any fear,
and feeling one in being
with the waves,
white sand,
emerald green gulf,
sea oats and seagulls,
with no dramas in my head.
to roam desolate pristine beaches
as a teenager and young adult,
without any fear,
and feeling one in being
with the waves,
white sand,
emerald green gulf,
sea oats and seagulls,
with no dramas in my head.
But even my
ancestors could not experience that
with not being sure where their next meal
was going to come from.
Not likely that many creatures in the Universe
could experience a little slice of nirvana like that.
I can remember getting back into my car
and being jolted back into the reality
of all that is the complexity of modern culture,
which at
that point
in time
was so,
so limited
as compared
to today.
I was never quite the same
after home computers came along,
as I drifted further
and further
from a home
of nature.
The people I dealt with in the public
at that time,
in what was a “Cheers” like
environment,
was also a slice of nirvana.
Cigarette filled,
but the emotional contagion
of a hundred human beings
that are happy
that I had the privilege to serve
and make even happier,
equaled the nirvana
of the walks
on the
sun-filled
beaches.
with not being sure where their next meal
was going to come from.
Not likely that many creatures in the Universe
could experience a little slice of nirvana like that.
I can remember getting back into my car
and being jolted back into the reality
of all that is the complexity of modern culture,
which at
that point
in time
was so,
so limited
as compared
to today.
I was never quite the same
after home computers came along,
as I drifted further
and further
from a home
of nature.
The people I dealt with in the public
at that time,
in what was a “Cheers” like
environment,
was also a slice of nirvana.
Cigarette filled,
but the emotional contagion
of a hundred human beings
that are happy
that I had the privilege to serve
and make even happier,
equaled the nirvana
of the walks
on the
sun-filled
beaches.
I loved my exquisite sensory experience of life...
It was worth
not being able to touch
man made texture
without goose bumps
and an incredible feeling
of discomfort.
When I see Landon Bryce’s book,
“I Love My Own Autistic Self”,
the little guy on the front
is how I usually felt
inside
that people could only see
in the gleam
of my
eyes.
People often told me
they wished they had
what it was I had,
or wanted some
of the drugs I was taking,
but I had no idea what they were talking about
because there was nothing I wanted
but to exist,
for so many years…
It was a powerful feeling
that no one’s negativity
could take away
from me,
not even when the rest
of the world
told me
I was not
one of their kind.
Sorry,
that was quite a tangent,
but it is kind of therapeutic for me;
I hope you don’t mind…
My point I started off with was religion
and classic pantheism,
which is all of nature and science for me;
the cultural complexity of what has come
from human collective intelligence,
including all the strange oddities,
even the strangest of religious cults and beliefs.
But most of all
the reality of that beach
those waves,
and
those grains of sand,
that do not exist
without me.
that was quite a tangent,
but it is kind of therapeutic for me;
I hope you don’t mind…
My point I started off with was religion
and classic pantheism,
which is all of nature and science for me;
the cultural complexity of what has come
from human collective intelligence,
including all the strange oddities,
even the strangest of religious cults and beliefs.
But most of all
the reality of that beach
those waves,
and
those grains of sand,
that do not exist
without me.
A gift,
a wonderful gift
that was provided
by my father and mother,
and their ancestors
where there could be no break
in the chain of events
of human struggle
that all my ancestors experienced
to survive and reproduce,
and their rodent ancestors
about 75 million years ago,
and all the other ancestors not identified
and material substances that came together
to make that possible,
from the origin
of what is,
whatever
is, is.
That
one point
that I can only abstractly define
because of the human collective intelligence
that provides the map
to what can be described,
as
one point
that we all share
that can never be disconnected,
as long
as we exist…
a wonderful gift
that was provided
by my father and mother,
and their ancestors
where there could be no break
in the chain of events
of human struggle
that all my ancestors experienced
to survive and reproduce,
and their rodent ancestors
about 75 million years ago,
and all the other ancestors not identified
and material substances that came together
to make that possible,
from the origin
of what is,
whatever
is, is.
That
one point
that I can only abstractly define
because of the human collective intelligence
that provides the map
to what can be described,
as
one point
that we all share
that can never be disconnected,
as long
as we exist…
Wow,
I just realized
that sounds kind of like
the intro
to the
“Big Bang Theory”
TV show…
And relatively speaking
the knowledge that I gained
that this is one sliver
of conscious existence
and what really is
a little slice of heaven
for some that do exist,
considering just the benefit
of a warm soft bed,
a hot shower,
and things
now considered
so mundane
that took billions of years
to come into existence
that were not here
a little over
a century
ago...
like toilet paper…
But I could never experience
that connection
of what
is,
any
stronger
than when
I
was
three.
I have everything
and everyone before me
to thank for that experience…
Including collective intelligence
and the understanding
of that one point
that still exists
in all of us
and everything else…
I never met a stranger,
not even a grain of sand
on the beach…
But I did not feel
a category,
a religion,
a race
or even
a gender
for myself,
which at least for me
enhanced the ability
to find a friend
in that grain
of sand.
I just realized
that sounds kind of like
the intro
to the
“Big Bang Theory”
TV show…
And relatively speaking
the knowledge that I gained
that this is one sliver
of conscious existence
and what really is
a little slice of heaven
for some that do exist,
considering just the benefit
of a warm soft bed,
a hot shower,
and things
now considered
so mundane
that took billions of years
to come into existence
that were not here
a little over
a century
ago...
like toilet paper…
But I could never experience
that connection
of what
is,
any
stronger
than when
I
was
three.
I have everything
and everyone before me
to thank for that experience…
Including collective intelligence
and the understanding
of that one point
that still exists
in all of us
and everything else…
I never met a stranger,
not even a grain of sand
on the beach…
But I did not feel
a category,
a religion,
a race
or even
a gender
for myself,
which at least for me
enhanced the ability
to find a friend
in that grain
of sand.
I suppose it is
the immune system issues
and chronic pain
that has taken
some of that gleam
out of my
eyes,
but it still exists
in the eyes
in what
I perceive
of the
anthropomorphic
expression
of the cat
in my
photo.
Arthur
Who at 18 years old
is likely closer
to the wisdom
of that
three-year
old
child
that only exists
in my memory
and pictures…
I sense that type of wisdom
requires no human intelligence at all
beyond the core
that is shared.
I think it can be lost
so much easier
in a human
into a little sliver of hell
somewhere outside
that balance of heaven.
Particularly
in lives
where
instant gratification
has become
the norm…
I am at the service
of my fully inside cat,
but he has never had that gleam
in his eyes,
or the same struggles
to survive.
is likely closer
to the wisdom
of that
three-year
old
child
that only exists
in my memory
and pictures…
I sense that type of wisdom
requires no human intelligence at all
beyond the core
that is shared.
I think it can be lost
so much easier
in a human
into a little sliver of hell
somewhere outside
that balance of heaven.
Particularly
in lives
where
instant gratification
has become
the norm…
I am at the service
of my fully inside cat,
but he has never had that gleam
in his eyes,
or the same struggles
to survive.
Moby
The
yellow cat
in my Google plus avatar
on the “Autistic Hoya” website,
was a feral cat
that only knew struggles
in his several years of life
behind our house in the woods.
in my Google plus avatar
on the “Autistic Hoya” website,
was a feral cat
that only knew struggles
in his several years of life
behind our house in the woods.
Yellow Boy
He became my emotions
after chronic pain
had removed them
from my existence.
He gained
a gleam in his eyes
of gratitude
to have a balance
in his life
when we
allowed him
a place
to gain
predictable
subsistence.
An identical yellow cat
that likely is his offspring,
younger and stronger
appears intermittently
out of the woods
and started to injure
our now neutered cat,
racking up $200 dollar vet bills,
every other week
so the once feral cat
has now been forced
to become
a fully inside cat.
I am watching him
slowly lose
that gleam in his eyes,
with the call of the wild
slowly drifting away,
along with all the likely
incredible sensory experiences
that come with an outdoor world
that the other cat
that never gets injured
in fights at age 18,
can still fully experience.
As I sit outside
toward the back of my yard,
in the afternoon sun,
he is pacing back and forth politely,
still with a humility of respect
for a place of subsistence
that keeps him from tearing
the screen of the patio.
Perhaps if he could speak
and let me know in words
what I was taking away from him,
I would listen.But I cannot bear the thought
of additional bloody wounds on his face.
But still I remember
what it means
to have
that connection
and balance…
When I watch him
pace back and forth,
it is one
of the few things
in life
that will bring
a tear to my eye
that reminds me
that I too
am still
connected.
:)
Other than that,
it could be
just a word
like Synesthesia
that seems
to trigger
something
in my brain
letting the brakes
off of logic
to move
into
figurative
space.
"Come Sail With Me" by Styx:
At least for me,
even one word
can be a gift
that leads me
to a place
in words
that I don’t
often visit.
even one word
can be a gift
that leads me
to a place
in words
that I don’t
often visit.
*
KATiE MiAKind Autistics Taking in Everything Mindful in Awareness
(:@@@:)
Autistic Love
And the Science of Kindology
An Ideological First Identity
Autism, the Internet and "Ideological First Identity", a Collection of Thoughts:
http://katiemiaaghogday.blogspot.com/2013/05/autism-internet-and-ideological-first.html
http://katiemiaaghogday.blogspot.com/2013/05/autism-internet-and-ideological-first.html
"AutisticS Peeks!"
It's Good
to Hear
ya
:)!
*
(:@@
@:)
!*
AS
P:
Autistic Spectrum
Perception
and
Perspective
Postscript
Visiting the Garden of 'Band Aid'
http://katiemiaaghogday.blogspot.com/2013/06/visiting-garden-of-band-aid.html
...
It's Good
to Hear
ya
:)!
*
(:@@
@:)
!*
AS
P:
Autistic Spectrum
Perception
and
Perspective
Postscript
Visiting the Garden of 'Band Aid'
http://katiemiaaghogday.blogspot.com/2013/06/visiting-garden-of-band-aid.html
...
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