Prose expresses touches emotions PoeTry expresses touches un ordin ary..
Or one can follow the Standard DicTionary way of doing it.. but nah not me..
Art IS creating something NEW IMHO if it ain’t THAT ART i ain’t goin’ tHere..:)
nature’s way manifest
in humans of saving grace..
And no doubt the core of
what is awakening in most so-called
holy folks escaping the insanity of
restricting culture on particularly
free spirited humans..
Who are more dopamine sensitive..
which of course is core to social abuse as a substantial
factor that even the director of the NIMH in the US suggests
is an epigenetic trigger for the genetic pre-disposition for
Schizophrenia and associated so-called psychosis..
as what is now described in
science as a type
of genetic virus..
And yes.. as often
is the case the medicine
that treats the symptoms can be
the REAL long term illness for those who
cannot cope naturally as many have through history
in accepting and supporting so-called
more primitive cultures..
where it is seen
as a vision quest
instead of disease
and or disorder..:)
Smiles.. I am fortunate..
I never need drugs
and at my age
at 55 my ‘experience’ in part..
better allows me profiency in Martial Arts..
Dance in general.. As well as Physical Strength..
leg pressing half a ton with ease.. Now 25 reps..
surpassing Marine ‘Jar Heads’ in their early twenties..
by double.. at my Military Gym.. with oh yeah..
YouTube proof for Internet evidence..
But alas only 14 reps..
5 months ago in that video..
But the key is the i
that is Truth and Light
masters life as me..
all natural.. baby..
And I share that with the world
for those with similar eyes and ears to see and hear it..:)
I come across ‘this’ blog, in discussing the issue
of anti-psychotic drugs to treat schizophrenia and related
psychosis with a friend. Both my friend and I
are 55 year old males diagnosed
with Asperger’s Syndrome in middle age.
I find your most recent article to be reeking
of academic and common sense truth
of what it means
to be a human being.
Both of us (my friend and I) are very successful in
academics in earlier life with of course the
social challenges that go
along with a life spent
in mechanical cognition moreover
than social cognition activities
in flesh and blood life.
My short lived so-called psychotic break
comes in my early twenties as is common
after folks with extremely high measures
of standard IQ, reach around 14 or 15 years
of school and related social stresses that with
a School House of 2000 or so closely packed human
primates is an inevitable reality; particularly for those viewed
as way out of the norm, in terms of developing the most important human
evolving social animal intelligence of physical/emotional intelligence in
overall social cognition, in successful living and thriving as a social
animal who is ‘normal’ will naturally do with flesh and blood
practice, practice, practice; not unlike hawks who practice
flying who rarely fall out of the sky or monkeys who
swing from trees who rarely fall out of trees.
Practice is required in all stuff animal
to keep from falling down
as a general metaphor
of existence, too.
Well Yes, use
or lose it applies,
as in all stuff specifically human animal,
ranging from quadriceps to the emotional human heart
that connects with the emotional contagion of affective empathy
and learns cognitive empathy by days, months, years and decades
of real life trial and error human flesh and blood verbal and nonverbal
reciprocal social communication, in PRACTICE.
Spend a life winning academic rewards by using
mechanical cognition for a decade and a half, or so,
in this way of life of sitting still, prescribed by
human abstract written language, collective intelligence,
and complex cultures that house millions of folks in one city
as opposed to human being’s naturally evolving capacity
for connecting to 150 to 200 sets of other eyes
and what ‘we’ get is pure insanity for an extremely empathic
species of primate that is still evolving to innately, instinctually
and intuitively live in relatively small tribes to move invisibly
with mind and body balance in nature to escape predators
and capture prey; not unlike our other hairier cousins
of which the Bonobo is the closest and overall a much more,
in effect and AFFECT, loving and caring species than what human
beings manifest now in global cultures, overall.
Standard IQ, is more or less a
of 10 to 12 thousand years
of post agrarian culture.
Humanity’s IQ, as innately,
instinctually and intuitively gifted
by practicing flesh and blood life,
is as old as life itself.
The ability to succeed in
school, is a trap of cultures
attempting to make machines out of humans where
‘we’ walk with repressed and oppressed emotions on tight concrete
sidewalks that are most definitely required literally and as a metaphor
to control large populations of human beings that are simply
not evolving to live in groups of humans that large
without strict controls in repressing and
oppressing innate, instinctual and
intuitive human animal behavior.
The reason for my so-called psychotic break in the third
year of college is simple and common sense. I have a very difficult
time gaining social acceptance as a person with literally ‘retarded’ (slow)
social cognition; Having no idea then that physical and emotional intelligence
is the most important type of intelligence and most everything else I am
championing in school is to make me a productive cog in a
complex society to keep it working well enough to work;
with all the other cogs.
I finally get the heart brain horsepower
to get the social stuff figured out with all the straight A’s
to get accepted enough to meet that most important need
of human being for survival in acceptance by the tribe at
hand for the instinct that tells us this is a do or die
scenario for our overall survival as
a socially cooperative animal.
The Junior College I go to is
small and local, retaining a few of those
accepting social friendships of people who have gotten
use to my social/physical/emotional ‘retarded’ intelligence.
The bigger college is a new challenge where I have no old friendships
without the excellent tools of social cognition the other social
animals have practiced without the top of the class grades
I have on my resume, to effectively and affectively
make friends with a new group of social animals at school.
So yeah, I continue to practice my straight A’s and have
no idea how to make friends, become weaker in
social cognition skills, as yes, lose it or lose it continues to apply,
and eventually I become colder inside and more like a text book
than a human being, so one day a surge of social energy comes;
yeah probably epigenetic induced change in neuro-chemicals
and neuro-hormones to save my Grinch weak heart of emotions,
expressed emotions as spirit, and a soul that is then trapped in a head,
way out of the physical and emotional intelligence of emotional regulation
and sensory integration that makes mind and body balance a reality
in flesh and blood life.
My human innate, instinct,
and intuition of life as old as it exists as life itself,
finally overrides 12 thousand years of travel away from
what we even are as humanity or as social animal in general.
That part of me says F culture; go to the beach; escape this S, before it kills you.
So yeah, the part of me that is beyond this ego construct of what cultures
say I must think and do for survival FEELS ME ahead to escape.
So then, at age 21, I just start walking the beach;
my footprints grow longer,
until there is no more
in view of
humans or condos
behind me; and that
nature as has always, lives
in me, arises again; and I am reborn
as human again; hoping and grasping a straw
to survive as what I feel is me but cannot put into
human words, adequately then.
I honestly feel like I am GOD;
but no; NOT THAT CRAP IN
about some dude
that is an only son
of GOD. I feel like I am a
part of everything and
not a separate COG in a machine.
And honestly, as a Gillberg Criteria
type Asperger’s person
with an Hyperlexic language delay until age four
that my Psychiatrist takes note of and eventually
part of why he bumps me into
the U.S. diagnostic criteria
PDDNOS part of the Autism Spectrum then;
when I am age three I look across the river front
where i live then; and feel this Universal Nature of GOD
inside me, outside me, above so below, and all around me.
I feel I have been here with no beginning and no end;
as yeah, well, after all, with my ‘Big Bang’ brain now,
if that is the case for an origin of all that is;
there can be no break in the chain
of events from beginning to now
that results in my existence now;
so yeah, everything I need to feel about
GOD for 100% faith in GOD, I feel then,
and now, without any words, church or school at all.
And yeah, attempting to relate this to psychiatrists
after I spend a somewhat manic three days
pondering all of this in my escape away
from insane culture, is a big mistake,
as that is a textbook definition of psychosis
when folks find out they are part of GOD
and the same who attempt to tell someone
about it in the psychiatric profession,
when they have a big smile on their face
and bliss of peace coming to this innate,
instinctual, and and intuitive awakening
and enlightenment in life;
that is no big deal in Eastern
Philosophies and will be rated
as totally normal over there.
But no, not in a culture where humans
are viewed as textbooks instead of real flesh
and blood feeling beings, with a whole
history of insane culture and
social stresses and abuse
as dark wind behind their back.
All of they can see of me, then,
is deluded psychotic words that I am
part of this whole dam thing of all that is that is GOD.
And so yeah, then they try to force drugs on me;
and eventually a community leader
who can vouch for who I am
before this break into common
sense, gets me out of a place of
drugs that quickly makes me
into a Zombie who cannot function at all.
I am just a few days away from getting sent to a State Asylum
before that; and instead do escape drug free,
eventually receive three college degrees,
go on to a successful 25 year career
with government service
with all my Autism Spectrum challenges in tow.
And then I am continue to get moved up the Peter Principle ladder
of success, until one day my newly found social abilities no longer
are great enough to meet social demands to fill the bill of reciprocal social
communication efficiency at work, and that severe and chronic fight
or flight stress eventually leads to 19 medical disorders,
including the worst pain known to mankind,
type two Trigeminal Neuralgia during
all waking hours for close to 66 months,
where the pain is actually assessed as
literally worse than crucifixion in medical literature
for that disorder, and in my case this dentist drill like
face pain with no novocaine is in my right eye
and ear making effective use of hearing and seeing
almost impossible with pain.
And yes, other stress exacerbated issues include Dysautonomia,
Sjogren’s Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Severe Degenerative
Arthritis and Stenosis in my Spine,
PTSD, Severe Depression,
Anhedonia, Severe Anxiety; all intertwined with the
experience of years of chronic human stress,
and more specifically SOCIAL STRESS.
And YES, modern science now
illustrates well that Chronic Stress
over years will destroy all major body systems
and can lead to a premature death.
Anyway, the good news is
I am healthy, stronger,
and happier, and more productive
than ever before, in what I do now in
creative, artistic, social cognition activities of life;
including an approaching four thousand miles
in dance walk everywhere I go in public now,
with my wife who loves to shop,
over the span of two years of
recovery from 66 months
of shut-in illness stuck in a bedroom, more or less.
The point is I am human now, living in an
Insane Asylum of all of culture,
as it currently exists in the deep
Red State south; but hell no;
no longer trapped, as for all practical
intents and purposes I am NEO, Buddha,
Jesus, Lao TZU, or any other indigenous human being
that never falls into or escapes this Insane Asylum
served up as culture on a platter from birth.
The only thing that truly saves my human heart,
spirit and soul, is incredible illness that no
doctors can do anything for with any kind
of drug for pain, allowing me
and giving me no choice but
to escape modern westernized culture.
As with all other animals, I innately, instinctually
and intuitively find the cure through mind and body balance.
And I am here to ‘tale’ you now in words of Light and Truth;
that i ain’t insane baby; and modern westernized culture,
overall, is, truly Insane living mostly, in the
DARK OF DEATH in Life; wittingly or not.
And seriously, with half the nation on some
kind of pain killer in the U.S., about a third
of school age children assessed as type two pre-diabetic,
and sky rocketing prescriptions of psychotropic drugs
to fix a human who is living dead in life,
with incredible somatic pains
and emotional numbness
as a result of repressing
and having their human emotions
oppressed by others; emotions becoming
those somatic pains; why should anyone
doubt this; but never the less they do.
‘They’ live in a real matrix, and perhaps
one day they too, will save their selves
in terms of all natural human heart,
expressing that heart, as WELL
in a balanced mind and body
soul with emotional regulation,
and much better cognitive
executive functioning in focus and short
term memory working like a finely
tuned Human Ferrari as flesh and blood FEELING AGAIN.
Anyway, answers to life are in disappearing human footprints
on sands of all natural beach life.
And no, I am no one special;
most everyone else who has
brought this message
to the rest of the tribe
has either been described as
insane or a mythological man or woman GOD.
So I relate it in every poetic way I can; and in all the
multi-media ways that modern technology
assists in as greatest artistic
creative view of what human being can do.
And every once in a while, i lay it all out like this,
in more or less logical terms; when no one is really
listening but folks like you,
who seem to have a
little more insight
than the average COG
in the machine of textbooks and school.
This is truly a beautiful life for those who finally
‘hear’ it, ‘see’ it and most importantly FEEL IT.
So sad that some human beings truly
never even live, and are worried
about what happens after they die.
And we call ourselves the apex predator;
Apex Blind Apes is closer to the truth.
A run of the mill Bonobo understands and most
importably FEELLS life in moving connecting
and creating better than most CEO’s
and Leaders of so-called
is an exception; am still studying him; Smiles.
And don’t worry, this is just a quick and wordy
visit, I will not come in the future to drown
your blog with words like this in the future.
As Part of my Autism Spectrum Hyperlexic form of Gillberg
Criteria Asperger’s syndrome, I read 10 to 15 times faster
than the average human being and as a life long
pianist with horrible dysgraphic handwriting,
I have the fortune of typing around
130 words a minutes,
when properly focused; so this is just a sigh for me.
Extremely High IQ can be a gift or curse.
I keep the gift and spit out the curse.
Smiles, and have a nice day friend. I come here innately, instinctually and intuitively, and I shut the door here now, in a continuing Heart expressing Spirit of Unconditional Tough and Passionate Love as Human Soul, with mind and body balance in harmony and FEELING CONNECTION with the rest of Nature AKA GOD.
It is what people like me through history have always done,
walking through villages, towns, and cities,
clothed in hidden and expressive eyes of
GOD OF ALL THAT IS..:)
AND YEAH, AGAIN I am ‘smart’ enough to feel that GOD exists with 100% faith as God is me and GOD is YOU AND GOD IS us; SOME folks think they know it; some folks think they don’t know it; and there is feeling it 100%, with no doubts at all.
Imagine life with zero illusory fears and zero illusory anxiety; able to do amazing things that none of your peers can do. I evidence that my friend and share this heaven of now with the world, online.
The philosophers of old are the real wise men as well as the philosophers of new with the same basic human Universal ALL Natural experience of living in balance with the rest of Nature as evolving now AKA God..:)
Anyway, your blog here helps inspire these words of analysis my friend, and I thank you for that as a lifelong friend, whether or not I ever see your face or speak to you again; as that is just the natural evolving human WAY OF BEING now, when no longer separate from the the rest of THAT..:)
A Seven year and seven month relationship
in professional practice of mental health.. yes..
my Psychiatrist and I.. Henry he.. Fred me..
a long journey from the beginning..
well before I am actually diagnosed with
the worst pain known to mankind…
literally worse than actual crucifixion
as described in medical literature..
named type two Trigeminal Neuralgia..
like a dentist drill in face without any
novocaine for pain relief and in my case
not the teeth but the right eye and ear..
making effective use of
my eyes and ears almost
almost intolerable pain..
and yeah.. that’s why they call it
the suicide disease..
and additionally for me..
a total synergy of 19 medical disorders..
additionally ranging form Dysautonomia..
where my blood pressure and heart rate
will no longer synch properly under control of
autonomic nervous system.. to Sjogren’s Syndrome
where my eyes quit making tears..
making reality a nightmare like swimming
in salt water with eyes wide open..
as well as Spinal Stenosis and
accompanying Severe Degenerative Arthritis..
precipitated by a congenitally fused vertebra in my neck…
as well as congenitally closed up sinuses associated with
the Trigeminal Neuralgia.. where the ENT who does
the CAT SCAN asks how do you breathe…
and at the time I’m THINKING duh..
through my mouth..
what do you think..
mostly.. after all..
i am born this way baby..
through no fault of my own.. or anyone else..
as stuff happens in life.. and then there is PTSD..
Severe Depression.. Anxiety and accompanying Anhedonia..
as well as associated Alexithymia.. and other substantial challenges that round
out the 19 I am diagnosed with then.. well.. except for the fact it takes
almost two years to get diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia..
as type two that lasts during all waking hours is so rare..
where most people wanna end it all just
experiencing the pain a few times a month..
if that much.. yes.. it’s worse than any migraine
headache imaginable.. in fact a migraine headache is
relief for the pain I experienced for 66 months..
but nah.. there is not a drop of water of relief
in human hell… so yeah..
why am I always happy
living life to the max..
I know what it feels like to die in life..
and I’m sorry if you are my friend and you have to hear this again..
but here’s the thing.. 1.2 million folks have viewed my stuff just
on my Google avenues of communicating the art of what I do..
and all those years.. i can never find anyone.. anywhere..
in the entire world offline or online who is even
diagnosed with type two chronic all
waking hours Trigeminal Neuralgia..
and i will be a cold hearted dude..
if I do not do my best to reach out..
in the rare possibility that
someone might read this some
time they stumble across my stuff
on an Internet search and it might give them just enough hope
in possible recovery.. seeing someone else recovered..
where they decide not to commit suicide
and try to live just another now..
for the real potential that
almost anything is possible
in this human life.. when folks
tell you the impossible will
never ever happen.. and
my psychiatrist.. suggests stuff I know
will not work before the root cause of the pain is
diagnosed two years into our patient.. doctor relationship..
but he allows me to use my best judgement on
what will be good for me.. and eventually
GOD provides the all innate..
instinctual.. and intuitive cures..
that now continue to follow..
in outstanding health and
happiness.. beyond my wildest
expectations and imagination before..
i hold no bars against what is possible in life..
and I WILL CONTINUE to pursue the greaTest of human potential for me in this lifetime.. no matter how different that my be from the practice in life of others.. and if folks do not like the way I count my blessings.. of course they are not required to look.. smiles.. but I love this life.. cherish it.. and truly worship the GOD of Nature inside us.. outside us.. above so below.. and all around us.. all the time now.. giving respect where
respect is due for ALLTHATIS AKA GOD..
AND ALL GOD’S CREATION AND CHILDREN..
INCLUDING HUMANS DARK AND LIGHT..
IN HEART.. SPIRIT.. SOUL..
ELSE MAKES THE ENTIRE HUMAN AND
REST OF NATURE SOUP WHAT IT IS NOW..:)!
And here is what a finely tuned healthy Fred looks like..
and truly when I say
LET’S GET WEIRD i mean that..
as no one can beat me now..
as far as i know.. on the weird factor of surviving life
against impossible odds.. and i do more than survive..
i THRIVE ALIVE.. AS WEIRD AS HELL..
IN REAL LITERAL HUMAN HEAVEN NOW..
AND HEAVEN YES.. I PROVE IT EVERYWHERE I GO..
to the joy of some.. and the chagrin of others.. and that’s the way life goes.. in ups and downs.. but I master those ups and downs.. with much greater.. physical and emotional intelligence of emotional regulation.. sensory integration.. greater cognitive executive functioning through enhanced focus and short term working memory AKA my practice of a free style balancing act of martial arts and ballet like dance walk everywhere i go.. getting close to 4000 miles.. as will happen now in the 24th month after the start of this human dance journey.. in a week or so from now..:)
And yeah.. a post about the state of mental health in the U.S. as truly an expert in the field myself.. at this point in life.. in fact.. my Psychiatrist Henry who is quitting his practice in Crestview is moving to Orlando to teach and he tells me today that my own personal cure of dancing in leverage and balance to make my way to well being.. is inspiring enough to him.. where he is going to incorporate TAI CHI Movement Therapy into his mental health field of teaching.. so yeah.. at least folks in the know are listening to my story.. and I guess that makes it all worth it to tell it over and over.. as yeah.. it cured me.. so why not others.. and most people view me as so deliriously happy.. i can’t be sane.. but yes.. oh yes.. I am the sane one now.. and my psychiatrist
totally agrees with THAT.. IN professional analysis..
no matter what the folks who are not in the know AND
FEEL think they FEEL and know about living
life the best it can be as a free and wild human
being ferAlly civilized again!..:)
Yeah.. I am passionate about THIS.. AND TRUST ME
if you walk in my shoes just one second then..
I’m sure you will understand it much better too..
smiles.. and I truly hope no one..
YES no ONE ever has to
walk in real life hell shoes
like that.. and I will
do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING TO
PREVENT THAT.. in my GREATest human potential
to my last GRASP FOR BREATH.. FOR LIVING
AND THRIVING THIS LIFE ALIVE..
AND NEVER EVER DEAD IN LIFE AGAIN!..:)
Oh and finally after my expression of creativity is reduced and reduced on the Wrong Planet and finally banned.. i find it amusing that the more ‘high classed’ folks on the Poetry site I frequent online ask me politely to conform to their ideas of what modern poetry should be and I politely tell them no I will create as I like.. and then they continue to impose guidelines on restrictions now on what will or will not be deleted that is shared there.. tailored to the multi-media poetry I do.. to restrict it further.. but what they do not understand is the gifted child in school gets bored and wants to do more..
I can write a poem that meets their requirement every five minutes.. without thinking at all.. linked with one paltry photo.. and sure I will do that in addition to this.. and just use their poetry for inspiration to write more.. and if they all decide to ban me.. from posting.. to their individual poetry sites.. which is the worst they can do to me.. I will read and get inspired and write it to my own blog without sharing it there if they individually decide to do that.. by deleting my posts or whatever..
but anyway.. the person who starts the whole
dam thing is my supporter and understands
that new art is most always discouraged
that breaks a mold of old.. and yeah.. the history
of that is ripe with discouragement all over the place in the art world..
and on top of that.. i publish for free online.. and do it all for the ZEN bliss of doing the art itself.. there is nothing they can take away from me.. as they continue to discourage others from pursuing their dreams of creativity.. by limiting it further and further.. SOME humans love to make other humans conform to their ideas of what is order in life..
But nah.. i for one.. am NOT afraid of ANY one’s freedom of expression from the so-called finest arts.. to what folks describe as the dirt of human pornography that is just another gift of ART from GOD that humans rule as evil.. while GOD Googles a Giggle AT their subjugating controlling butts.. in metaphor and reality too.. as we are all eyes of GOD who can see through the lies of human when