Lazarus and a Beer

Lazarus and a Beer..
A story of two men..
AT the bottom of the pit
of hell in 40 sleepless days..
during the Lent period of 2008..
i would have paid a million dollars
or infinity more if a drop of
beer could have given
me an ounce of
comfort to
quench the
death of my soUL
in hell.. but at that point
there was no remedy for
the fire burning numb inside
me then.. so yesterday we are
coming out of Barnes and Nobles..
and a large Black man is walking toward me
and says sir can i speak to you.. i am not
homeless.. i have a job.. but i am out of
money and if i could only have one
wish now before i go back
to the evil that is my
wife it would be
a beer.. can you spare
me a couple of dollars for a beer..
and i said.. wow..!.. OMG.. what honesty you have..
if i had a dollar on me i would give it to you..
but i do not carry money.. and i said bless
you for your honesty my friend..
honesty is always the
best option.. i
as i walked away..
and so i asked the money
keeper.. my wife.. when i
got to my car.. where she was
waiting for me there.. if we could
spare the honest man who wanted
a beer a few dollars.. and she says
yes.. and we are wanting to go
see and document the
destruction of
the Tornado last
week as the sunset is coming
soon.. but instead we go search for
the black man and i decide to give
him a $5 bill.. to get two beers
if he likes.. and he has already
traveled several city blocks
on foot.. and we see him
on the side of the
road and
we stop by
and give him the 5 dollar
bill and i tell him.. when i was in
hell i would have paid a million
dollars for that beer
if i could have
any relief
from the fire
then.. ANYway..
the thing is.. regardless
of what he would do with
the 5 dollar bill.. some folks..
who had money.. had a kind gesture
for him that day.. and what
i kNow/FEEL for sure..
iS no act of kindness
no matter what it is
is too
to save
the world..
it could even
be a beer to a man
who wanted a little
comfort from the angst of life..
and ha! if you go to a psychiatrist..
it is no less addictive to get a pill
of Ativan.. and actually MORE ADDICTIVE
TO GET A PILL OF ATIVAN.. and one would
buy their friend a beer in a bar.. why not
a stranger on the street
who is just
or sister..
and to be clear i do not drink or
smoke or even do caffeine but
i totally understand
why people
do.. and i dam
sure ain’t the one
that is gonna point
out the board that
i’ve experienced in my
sleepless eyes as REAL
Life is a real bitch
in hell.. folks
in heaven
care about
that and do whatever
they can to help..
whether the
prudes and
propers or
prescription pill pushers
say it is correct or not..
after all Jesus changed
the water into
and only fools
would think it is
SURE.. there was angst then too..
i would have taught the black
man or at least showed
him how to
to relieve his angst..
but he probably already
saw me do it somewhere
in town.. and knew and felt
that he could be honest
with this man who is
to dance free
and wild again..
perhaps it was his
‘roots’ that could see
or HA! MAYBE i’m like Lucifer
in that new Fox TV SHOW AND
WHEN i peer into
tHeir soul wITh
oF eYEs..;)
You are welcome.. my friend Zee..
Thanks for your kind and appreciative words
for what my spirit shared with you iN response to
your iNspiRaTioNal words.. And yes iT iS true that
my success iS the smile won from the bullies
of liFe and true too.. No matter what happens
to me iN flesh that smile wiLL live oN
as Cheshire Cat iN eYes oF
others iT has touched iN
Dance oF liFe and sheLL oF Nautilus
i leave behind.. my friend.. aS aLL We trUly
take wiTh uS iS Love wE give forevernow.. n0w
My friend.. Zee.. Sleep peacefully.. i do and WiLL..
Fully feeLinG i LiVed and LoVed.. LiVe and LoVe..:)
Losing Love in Life i’ve experienced..
sad and depressing in human connection..
empty hole of comfort needing
re-connection.. no where
to find it.. whether
break up
or separation
in death.. but even
greater is losing the connection
with God as when i did and could
feel nothing of God in Nature anywhere..
i just wanted to go to the beach and hug
GOD and bring GOD back.. in fact i fell to
the ground in my back yard
and literally hugged
the grass and
the Love
of God was
no longer there
for me to feel at aLL..
my heart and blood pressure
was no longer working correctly..
ill close to death i was then..
so i just wanted to run
and run and run
until i exploded
with blood
to escape hell then..
but i was too tired to
run at all.. so i was
stuck here more…
and then i dreamed about
someway to swim off into
the ocean waves.. perhaps
at the bottom of the ocean was
God again with me.. perhaps i could
come back alive again.. but i was too
afraid as even the edge of the Gulf water
iN Summer chilled my weak body then..
and the pain from the disorder
i had was so bad then too..
looking for a tree with
a chain in a bicycle
basket where
the birds
could feast
their fill on what
was left of me.. as at
least my life would serve
some purpose then.. but the
thing is.. somehow.. i never gave up..
there was this WiLL gifted to be that was
even above aLL Faith.. Hope.. and Belief
that was extinguished out of my liFe then..
they call it the reptile brain.. same one gifted
to Dinosaurs too.. it will survive at all costs..
when all else
is gone
from life..
So sure..
the Lizard brain
saved me.. the literal
human reptile brain gifted
by God.. so whenever i see
a Chameleon change colors
i know and
feel iT iS
for a human
to go
black hole to SUN..
once again.. Friend Zee..
thanks for yoUr inspirational
words that sparK the SpiRiT
oF mY heARt and SoUL SinGinG
a SonG of God once more.. n0w..:)!
Facebook Friend Rafiah
shares a Muslim Hadith..
regarding Adam of the
Old Testament and the
Quran and associated
forgiveness of sins..
where God is
all merciful..
and i say..
Interestingly.. the name
Adam means dirt.. then..
iT comes from humble
origin.. and those
who continue
to see.. FEEL
humility n0w
as no more
than grain
flourish now
iN Tree of LiFe
that iS of course
fed by dirt no less
than weNow Mountains
oF Love who stand upoN
gRains oF human Dirt now
iN FloWeRinG LOVE ALLONe..:)
Jesus has come back so many
F iN times and has failed
miserably to change
the world..
problem was
someone else
held the Microphone
of his voice.. that’s no
longer the case.. as
the megaphone’s
been released
by the
nerds of
changing into
an ocean wave
of Jesus ONLINE..
The truth and LiGhT
ALL NATURAL FORM.. from mouth
to breast in suckling form ALLiNNATE..
And the coolest thing of
all is swords
are no longer
as we
of electronic JOY
unleashed and released
as the Quantum Human mind
and body iN balance.. becomes
the real deal as both hemispheres
reach the 11 balance lined as H WHOLE…
iN both mind and earthly global way of Free..
A really tall.. thin.. spindly boy played the
song ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ in a
middle school talent show..
13.. or so he was then
in ivory and keyboard
way.. problem was
he was shaken
to the core
the inspiRaTioNal spiRit
of the music over words
and couldn’t walk straight then..
meeting an eruption of laughter
from school mates.. i just want
to.. i just want to know and
feel what it all means
then.. but none of
those Christian
School mates
are at all
man in the song..
movie.. or book.. too..
nor their parents.. nor their
churches.. why is it that
poor me.. my mother and
sister are so much
more like he..
ah.. humility..
the secret..
live on a river
in an old shot-gun
home.. bare necessities..
Live with Love over material
stuFF.. Learn Love is the
way over all else in life..
the Truth and LiGht
hasn’t changed..
the only
thing i
was missing
then.. was the
fearless to play
AND SinG the
SonG again..
in Mocking
Jay way.. away from
a town Milton.. named
once as hell for dark reaSon sTill..
most churches per square mile in the
record books for locality then.. but the
farthest away from
Jesus.. than
in the Universe
then/now.. they have
one wish and one wish only
and that was/is to bring Jesus
back again.. be careful what
ya wish
as self-
can happen again..
Jerusalem in the west
iS RA EL as the US of A
and history repeats itself
again.. around the same
latitude of earth too..
only thing is this
Jesus is too
F in SmArt
to get crucified
come with
dance instead
and just keep ’em
guessing eternity
iN hell or heaven
either dancing
liFe or
in the
dark place sTill.. now..
Being Jesus iS a challenge
iN Mocking Jay Way..
but OMG..
it’s the
art of liFe
i know and feel now..
and that’s what they tale
uS iN Catholic Church all
the time.. be Jesus or
ya can’t be
good enough
to get that bread and wine..
Problem is.. ya have to see/FEEL
as aLL iT iS.. iS Love and Fearless that counts..
so i probably won’t change the world.. NO..
but maybe i’ll inspire
someone else
to be Jesus
or at least
try to my dying
last day.. for the
greATest hobby i feel and know now..
iN MOCKING J WAY.. i’ll dance
Love and Fearless
the last
foot drops..
OMG.. what will i
do after that.. sure..
there’s alWays poeTry
and a better book..
than old good
Ha..!.. SMiLes.. rest iN peace alive.. my friend..
gigoid.. with Love.. and the answer to ‘the test’
can be easily answered
by my wife..
turn the
liGht off Fred..
you are F iN..
Blinding me.. and true
story.. when i sang in the church
choir and actually played the piano
through the decade of the 80’s at Catholic
Church.. after i finished singing.. one
of the peer female singers
said turn off
your face
with her hands
over her eyes.. it is too
briGht she said.. and i had no idea
what she was talking about..
but she was serious..
and when one of my
girlfriends in the
middle 80’s took the
first video i ever saw of
myself with focused
eyes.. on her..
it unnerved me..
as i finally figured out
why that girl i went to the prom
with.. when i was 21 was talking
about when she said..
your eyes
are scaring
me.. and several
other girls said i
pierced their soul
with my eyes.. i was just
interested! then.. in aLL
cases… but i suppose
i’m all tuned up as it were
and as i rose again..
after the liGht
went out
of my eYes..
totally.. for 66 months..
in hell.. hmm.. oh.. the metaphors
of life.. to be a briGhtest Angel
in one life and
one too..
in the same
life.. dying
twice or more..
and again..
hmm.. yeah..
Nature makes
an interesting brew..
and i suppose it’s just
the archetype of Dr.
Jekyll and Mr. Hyde..
where he finally gets
to understand both faces..
and adjust accordingly for balance..
but anyway.. the strangest thing happened
during those years of writing in the darkness..
my words
in both writing
and voice acquired
my eYes until gradually
i no longer expressed the
laser option iN eYes before..
to overwhelm folks again.. with LiGhT..
the light just migrated out of my eyes to
of expression..
and a few folks
can receive it without
getting totally blinded
by whatever this is now..
often it surprises me.. not
unlike the 80’s.. after i finish..
with the
oF words..
that are left
now of whatever
i am for now free..:)
Typical thousand..
mile/infinity stare..;)
Katrina..Thrilled to be doing SpRinG cleaning
even the crossed windows
are a
to clean..
hmm.. i ain’t
the one with a
body of a dancer..
or the face of a 21 year old
same as 25 years ago.. but
Katrina yes.. with zero make-up too..
and she never works-out past cleaning
home and shopping.. and eats
junk food everyday..
but never the less..
now never another
ounce or another
day on the
forever youth
of Angel now
Katrina.. always now
as was before.. again.. now..
and now the Sun comes out again.. forecast for this
week NO TORNADOES.. a storm is over with for now..:)
And now’s she’s trimming trees..
look at those forearm muscles..
All Pacific Islander and Native
wild breed human..
i have to work-out like
a frigging Olympic athlete
to have any muscle def..
at all.. hmm..
yeah.. it’s all
about native
genetics too..
it was a long way to walk
across the Bering Strait to get
to North America.. and
Lord knows what they
had to do
to arrive
at the Pacific Islands..
yeah.. the strong survive..
and go far.. and keep going…
Being cautious and sitting
in one space..
might be safer..
but it is the spices of
life that travel farthest..
and keep
going and going
without restraint…
one more
step for
Wild and
Free with God now..
perhaps i should just
be working
in the yard
and shut
the H up..
in this
bedroom still.. hehe..wink emoticon..
Anyway.. the least i can do is
go out and inspect the job..;)
Okay.. she passed inspection and perhaps
it is time for a song now..
dedicated to friends
who do all
the work
as well as being
guardians of Angels..
or angels of Guardians..
same thing i guess..
even Lucifer has
one on his
You know how they say all those
Hollywood Stars made a deal
with the devil for fame..
well.. i made one
with God to help
save the
perhaps you think
i am kidding..
hmm.. WeLL..
Sting said in a song
one n0w.. ‘Mephistopheles is not your name..
But i know what you’re up to just the same…
i will listen hard to your tuition..
And you will see it
come to its fruition’..
it’s just a poem or
a SonG..
after.. all
is said
or maybe it’s a magicK
incantation and speLL..
for a Moonchild or
something of
that Nature..
never ending story
as such.. WeLL.. wE WiLL see..
oh yeah.. pArt of the
rest of the SonG
‘Devil and the deep blue sea behind me
Vanish in the air you’ll never find me..
i will turn your face to alabaster..
Then you’ll find your
servant is
your master’..
nah.. i don’t
hurt anyone
or be anyone’s
master.. hope no
one takes ‘iT’ like that..
out of frigging context..
and nah.. i’m not ready
to disappear yet.. offline..
but yeah.. i am
gonna take
a ‘little
and publish
now before leap
year is gone.. and
i promise i will not
be back on the 29th of
February for at least
3 more years.. wInks..
but meanwhile.. vacation
photos coming in the next
blog post after this really
short 2.76K or so post titled
“Lazarus and a Beer”..;)

About katiemiafrederick

I like to write.