Lazarus and a Beer.. A story of two men.. AT the bottom of the pit of hell in 40 sleepless days.. during the Lent period of 2008.. i would have paid a million dollars or infinity more if a drop of beer could have given me an ounce of comfort to quench the death of my soUL in hell.. but at that point there was no remedy for the fire burning numb inside me then.. so yesterday we are coming out of Barnes and Nobles.. and a large Black man is walking toward me and says sir can i speak to you.. i am not homeless.. i have a job.. but i am out of money and if i could only have one wish now before i go back to the evil that is my wife it would be a beer.. can you spare me a couple of dollars for a beer.. and i said.. wow..!.. OMG.. what honesty you have.. if i had a dollar on me i would give it to you.. but i do not carry money.. and i said bless you for your honesty my friend.. honesty is always the best option.. i exclaimed.. as i walked away.. and so i asked the money keeper.. my wife.. when i got to my car.. where she was waiting for me there.. if we could spare the honest man who wanted a beer a few dollars.. and she says yes.. and we are wanting to go see and document the destruction of the Tornado last week as the sunset is coming soon.. but instead we go search for the black man and i decide to give him a $5 bill.. to get two beers if he likes.. and he has already traveled several city blocks on foot.. and we see him on the side of the road and we stop by and give him the 5 dollar bill and i tell him.. when i was in hell i would have paid a million dollars for that beer if i could have gained any relief from the fire then.. ANYway.. the thing is.. regardless of what he would do with the 5 dollar bill.. some folks.. who had money.. had a kind gesture for him that day.. and what i kNow/FEEL for sure.. iS no act of kindness no matter what it is is too small to save the world.. it could even be a beer to a man who wanted a little comfort from the angst of life.. and ha! if you go to a psychiatrist.. it is no less addictive to get a pill of Ativan.. and actually MORE ADDICTIVE TO GET A PILL OF ATIVAN.. and one would buy their friend a beer in a bar.. why not a stranger on the street who is just another human brother or sister.. ALIVE WHO JUST WANTS RELIEF FROM AN INSANE WORLD.. and to be clear i do not drink or smoke or even do caffeine but i totally understand why people do.. and i dam sure ain’t the one that is gonna point out the board that i’ve experienced in my sleepless eyes as REAL back then.. Life is a real bitch in hell.. folks in heaven should care about that and do whatever they can to help.. whether the prudes and propers or prescription pill pushers say it is correct or not.. after all Jesus changed the water into wine.. huh.. and only fools would think it is FUCKING GRAPE JUICE.. SURE.. there was angst then too.. i would have taught the black man or at least showed him how to dance.. to relieve his angst.. but he probably already saw me do it somewhere in town.. and knew and felt that he could be honest with this man who is honest enough to dance free and wild again.. perhaps it was his ‘roots’ that could see THAT TRUTH AND LIGHT.. or HA! MAYBE i’m like Lucifer in that new Fox TV SHOW AND FOLKS TELL ME THEIR HONEST DESIRES WITH NO LIES.. WHEN i peer into tHeir soul wITh sHades oF eYEs..;)
You are welcome.. my friend Zee.. Thanks for your kind and appreciative words for what my spirit shared with you iN response to your iNspiRaTioNal words.. And yes iT iS true that my success iS the smile won from the bullies of liFe and true too.. No matter what happens to me iN flesh that smile wiLL live oN as Cheshire Cat iN eYes oF others iT has touched iN Dance oF liFe and sheLL oF Nautilus i leave behind.. my friend.. aS aLL We trUly take wiTh uS iS Love wE give forevernow.. n0w My friend.. Zee.. Sleep peacefully.. i do and WiLL.. Fully feeLinG i LiVed and LoVed.. LiVe and LoVe..:)
Losing Love in Life i’ve experienced.. sad and depressing in human connection.. empty hole of comfort needing re-connection.. no where to find it.. whether break up or separation in death.. but even greater is losing the connection with God as when i did and could feel nothing of God in Nature anywhere.. i just wanted to go to the beach and hug GOD and bring GOD back.. in fact i fell to the ground in my back yard and literally hugged the grass and the Love of God was no longer there for me to feel at aLL.. my heart and blood pressure was no longer working correctly.. ill close to death i was then.. so i just wanted to run and run and run until i exploded with blood to escape hell then.. but i was too tired to run at all.. so i was stuck here more… and then i dreamed about someway to swim off into the ocean waves.. perhaps at the bottom of the ocean was God again with me.. perhaps i could come back alive again.. but i was too afraid as even the edge of the Gulf water iN Summer chilled my weak body then.. and the pain from the disorder i had was so bad then too.. looking for a tree with a chain in a bicycle basket where the birds could feast their fill on what was left of me.. as at least my life would serve some purpose then.. but the thing is.. somehow.. i never gave up.. there was this WiLL gifted to be that was even above aLL Faith.. Hope.. and Belief that was extinguished out of my liFe then.. they call it the reptile brain.. same one gifted to Dinosaurs too.. it will survive at all costs.. when all else is gone from life.. So sure.. the Lizard brain saved me.. the literal human reptile brain gifted by God.. so whenever i see a Chameleon change colors i know and feel iT iS possible for a human to go from black hole to SUN.. once again.. Friend Zee.. thanks for yoUr inspirational words that sparK the SpiRiT oF mY heARt and SoUL SinGinG a SonG of God once more.. n0w..:)!
Facebook Friend Rafiah shares a Muslim Hadith.. regarding Adam of the Old Testament and the Quran and associated forgiveness of sins.. where God is all merciful..
and i say..
Interestingly.. the name Adam means dirt.. then.. iT comes from humble origin.. and those who continue to see.. FEEL humility n0w as no more than grain oF sand.. flourish now iN Tree of LiFe that iS of course fed by dirt no less than weNow Mountains oF Love who stand upoN gRains oF human Dirt now iN FloWeRinG LOVE ALLONe..:)
Jesus has come back so many F iN times and has failed miserably to change the world.. problem was someone else held the Microphone of his voice.. that’s no longer the case.. as the megaphone’s been released by the nerds of yesterday changing into an ocean wave of Jesus ONLINE.. The truth and LiGhT WiLL ONLY SET ONE FREE iF HEArD iN ORIGINAL ALL NATURAL FORM.. from mouth to breast in suckling form ALLiNNATE.. And the coolest thing of all is swords are no longer necessary as we have mega sWORDs.. of electronic JOY unleashed and released as the Quantum Human mind and body iN balance.. becomes the real deal as both hemispheres reach the 11 balance lined as H WHOLE… iN both mind and earthly global way of Free.. A really tall.. thin.. spindly boy played the song ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’ in a middle school talent show.. 13.. or so he was then in ivory and keyboard way.. problem was he was shaken to the core iN the inspiRaTioNal spiRit of the music over words and couldn’t walk straight then.. meeting an eruption of laughter from school mates.. i just want to.. i just want to know and feel what it all means then.. but none of those Christian School mates are at all like the man in the song.. movie.. or book.. too.. nor their parents.. nor their churches.. why is it that poor me.. my mother and sister are so much more like he.. ah.. humility.. the secret.. live on a river WITH NATURE.. in an old shot-gun home.. bare necessities.. Live with Love over material stuFF.. Learn Love is the way over all else in life.. the Truth and LiGht hasn’t changed.. the only thing i was missing then.. was the fearless to play AND SinG the SonG again.. in Mocking Jay way.. away from a town Milton.. named once as hell for dark reaSon sTill.. most churches per square mile in the record books for locality then.. but the farthest away from Jesus.. than perhaps anywhere in the Universe then/now.. they have one wish and one wish only and that was/is to bring Jesus back again.. be careful what ya wish for.. as self- fulfilling prophecies can happen again.. Jerusalem in the west iS RA EL as the US of A and history repeats itself again.. around the same latitude of earth too.. only thing is this Jesus is too F in SmArt to get crucified again.. he’ll come with dance instead and just keep ’em guessing eternity iN hell or heaven either dancing liFe or sitting still in the dark place sTill.. now.. Being Jesus iS a challenge iN Mocking Jay Way.. but OMG.. it’s the greaTEst art of liFe i know and feel now.. and that’s what they tale uS iN Catholic Church all the time.. be Jesus or ya can’t be good enough to get that bread and wine.. Problem is.. ya have to see/FEEL ALL OF JESUS FIRST.. BOTH MYTH AND MAN OF US FREE WiTH LOVE.. as aLL iT iS.. iS Love and Fearless that counts.. so i probably won’t change the world.. NO.. but maybe i’ll inspire someone else to be Jesus WHO WILL.. or at least try to my dying last day.. for the greATest hobby i feel and know now.. iN MOCKING J WAY.. i’ll dance Love and Fearless ’till the last foot drops.. OMG.. what will i do after that.. sure.. there’s alWays poeTry and a better book.. than old good way..:)
Ha..!.. SMiLes.. rest iN peace alive.. my friend.. gigoid.. with Love.. and the answer to ‘the test’ can be easily answered by my wife.. turn the liGht off Fred.. you are F iN.. Blinding me.. and true story.. when i sang in the church choir and actually played the piano through the decade of the 80’s at Catholic Church.. after i finished singing.. one of the peer female singers said turn off your face with her hands over her eyes.. it is too briGht she said.. and i had no idea what she was talking about.. but she was serious.. and when one of my girlfriends in the middle 80’s took the first video i ever saw of myself with focused eyes.. on her.. it unnerved me.. as i finally figured out why that girl i went to the prom with.. when i was 21 was talking about when she said.. your eyes are scaring me.. and several other girls said i pierced their soul with my eyes.. i was just interested! then.. in aLL cases… but i suppose i’m all tuned up as it were and as i rose again.. after the liGht went out of my eYes.. totally.. for 66 months.. in hell.. hmm.. oh.. the metaphors of life.. to be a briGhtest Angel in one life and dArkest one too.. in the same life.. dying twice or more.. and living again.. and again.. hmm.. yeah.. Nature makes an interesting brew.. and i suppose it’s just the archetype of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.. where he finally gets to understand both faces.. and adjust accordingly for balance.. but anyway.. the strangest thing happened during those years of writing in the darkness.. my words in both writing and voice acquired my eYes until gradually i no longer expressed the laser option iN eYes before.. to overwhelm folks again.. with LiGhT.. the light just migrated out of my eyes to another place(s).. of expression.. and a few folks can receive it without getting totally blinded by whatever this is now.. often it surprises me.. not unlike the 80’s.. after i finish.. with the briGht eYes oF words.. that are left now of whatever i am for now free..:)
Typical thousand.. mile/infinity stare..;)
Katrina..Thrilled to be doing SpRinG cleaning even the crossed windows are a joy to clean.. hmm.. i ain’t the one with a body of a dancer.. or the face of a 21 year old same as 25 years ago.. but Katrina yes.. with zero make-up too.. and she never works-out past cleaning home and shopping.. and eats junk food everyday.. but never the less.. now never another ounce or another day on the forever youth of Angel now Katrina.. always now as was before.. again.. now.. and now the Sun comes out again.. forecast for this week NO TORNADOES.. a storm is over with for now..:)
And now’s she’s trimming trees.. look at those forearm muscles.. All Pacific Islander and Native American.. wild breed human.. i have to work-out like a frigging Olympic athlete to have any muscle def.. at all.. hmm.. yeah.. it’s all about native genetics too.. it was a long way to walk across the Bering Strait to get to North America.. and Lord knows what they had to do to arrive at the Pacific Islands.. yeah.. the strong survive.. and go far.. and keep going… Being cautious and sitting in one space.. might be safer.. but it is the spices of life that travel farthest.. and keep going and going without restraint… one more step for Wild and Free with God now.. perhaps i should just be working in the yard and shut the H up.. instead oF sitting in this dark bedroom still.. hehe..wink emoticon.. Anyway.. the least i can do is go out and inspect the job..;)
Okay.. she passed inspection and perhaps it is time for a song now.. dedicated to friends who do all the work as well as being guardians of Angels.. or angels of Guardians.. same thing i guess.. even Lucifer has one on his new show..;)
You know how they say all those Hollywood Stars made a deal with the devil for fame.. well.. i made one with God to help save the World.. perhaps you think i am kidding.. hmm.. WeLL.. Sting said in a song one n0w.. ‘Mephistopheles is not your name.. But i know what you’re up to just the same… i will listen hard to your tuition.. And you will see it come to its fruition’.. it’s just a poem or a SonG.. after.. all is said and done..eh.. or maybe it’s a magicK incantation and speLL.. for a Moonchild or something of that Nature.. never ending story as such.. WeLL.. wE WiLL see.. oh yeah.. pArt of the rest of the SonG PoeM..here.. ‘Devil and the deep blue sea behind me Vanish in the air you’ll never find me.. i will turn your face to alabaster.. Then you’ll find your servant is your master’.. nah.. i don’t wanna hurt anyone or be anyone’s master.. hope no one takes ‘iT’ like that.. out of frigging context.. and nah.. i’m not ready to disappear yet.. offline.. but yeah.. i am gonna take a ‘little vacation’.. and publish now before leap year is gone.. and i promise i will not be back on the 29th of February for at least 3 more years.. wInks.. but meanwhile.. vacation photos coming in the next blog post after this really short 2.76K or so post titled “Lazarus and a Beer”..;)