Ghost WINGS WIND
I’ve seen the face of
GOD
face
to
FACE…
Truly my effort and life’s mission
is to systemize
GOD
in
a way to
help folks to
understand what GOD IS
and
HOW
god
WORKS
above
the METAPHORS
OF
THE
PAST..
BUT THE METAPHORS ALWAYS COME BACK
TO
HAUNT
ME
TOO…
IT IS ONLY POTENTIAL SPARKS i can give..
the same as the gift of sparks
that so many
give
to
me
throughout the course of an extremely challenging
yet most rewarding life
i for one..
can imagine
for anyone..
And what a gift that is..
as i know now no greater gift
than to rise from the darkest life..
imaginable to me..
to a brighter
light
than i can possibly
imagine before..
in a way of being where
one second is a literal human hell
of a thousand years..
of death in life…
i for one believe that with every greatest gift..
comes every greatest challenge
to accompany that gift..
And truly
my
STANDARD IQ IN WAYS OF ACADEMIC
LIFE
IS
MY GIFT IN YOUTH..
never to study..
but always be
at
THE
TOP
OF
THE CLASS…
HOWEVER MY OTHER INTELLIGENCES
OF PHYSICAL.. EMOTIONAL
AND
SENSORY INTEGRATION
ARE
AS STUNTED IN YOUTH..
AND EVEN INTO MIDDLE
AGE
AS THE BRIGHTEST LIGHTS OF
SO-CALLED STANDARD INTELLECT
THAT IS THE GIFT
i guess..
of
my
PHD
historical noted Author
GRANDFATHER…
I HAVE an extremely analytical mind..
that is also abstract in
seeing solutions
and
patterns
that most other folks
cannot fathom…
But the complexity of my mind..
per the history of it without a manual..
IS
A
PUZZLE FOR ME
TO FIGURE OUT
HOW TO MASTER
PER
SELF
OF
i
as director of I
of
EGO
with connecting spirit..!
in sensory and emotional
way that
IS
EXTREME AS WELL…
THE
GIFT
IS
CHALLENGE
IS
GREATEST GIFT
TO
ME
!
And truly my wife has no idea what she is signing up for
in the long term
when
she
marries me..
The job of JOB
is
what she signs up for..
in what will eventually
be as witness to a terrifying
human experience
both
to
LIVE
AND
WITNESS..
AND OF COURSE
TO
SURVIVE
ALIVE
FOR THE BOTH OF US…
The story of John Nash in ‘A Beautiful Mind’ of
a mind out of control
is similar to the mind
that eventually
becomes
me..
However my logic remains intact
as i watch my exquisite emotional
and sensory experience
of
life
GO
NUMB..
A GHOST..
A LONELY GHOST..
WALKING THE EARTH NOT REALIZING HE IS DEAD..
IS how my wife’s brother describes the music that is hauntingly
coming out of my fingers
to
SAVE
MY
SOUL..
BEFORE THE DEATH OF ME IN LIFE
COMES
MY
WAY MARCH 1ST 2008..
TO GO ON UNTIL MARCH 1ST 2013..
AT THE END OF 60 MONTHS OF DEAD HEART SOUL..
with recovery coming back slowly
with
TORRENTIAL WELLNESS
BY THE END
OF
JULY 2013…
i have covered the details of my illness that yes..
is both mental and physical in ways of
auto-immune illness..
per Sjogren’s Sydrome..
the worst pain documented in medical literature..
type two Trigeminal Neuralgia..
Dysautonomia..
and fibromyalgia per the most challenging ones..
But my stint without sleep
except for 1 hour each night with an alpha blocker
for 35 days.. and zero sleep the last 5 of 40 days..
IS
TRULY
DANTE’S RINGS
OF HELL…
A
PLACE SO FAR BEYOND PAIN AND DEPRESSION..
A
PLACE OF PAPER THIN GHOST
EXISTENCE…
WHERE NOTHING
LITERALLY
IS
MY
REALITY
OF
FEELING
ZERO
POINT
EXISTENCE..
WHERE TRULY A THOUSAND YEARS OF HELL IS EVERY SECOND
INCREASING IN A BLACK
WHOLE
OF
NOTHINGNESS
THAT
IS
NEVER ENDING
SPIRALING
IN
HELL….!
AFTER THAT for five long years..
i can barely lift my arms over my head without passing out..
The pain is severe all over my body..
with no effective use of my eyes or ears to see beauty
or hear music…
as the pain is like someone drilling my eye and ear..
with a dentist drill and no
novocain..
And then there is Severe Degenerative Arthritis
in my spine..
Spinal Stenosis… a congenitally fused
T6 vertebrae unknown to me..
until an MRI then..
that precipitates
my new
found
PAIN
IN
THE NECK.. THAT NEVER CEASES TOO..
BUT YA SEE ALL THAT IS GONE NOW..
AND EVEN THE RECIPROCAL SOCIAL COMMUNICATION
DIFFICULTIES ASSOCIATED WITH AN ASPERGER’S DIAGNOSIS..
THAT WAS NOT SCHIZOPHRENIA..
BUT STILL CHALLENGING
NEVER THE LESS..
AND YES..
knew i am different and am so relieved as my mind worked so much
different than others… i truly am afraid when i see the movie
‘A Beautiful Mind’ that one day..
i will
haunt the halls of my workplace
a
lost heart and soul
of a has been man..
And yes.. it does come true..
i retain my privileges to work out at the gym..
that i once administrate along with many other facilities
as Athletic Director at my military station..
And truly
the last kid picked on the sports teams at schools..
ends up with a mission in life..
to understand and more fully effect
the true
POWER
OF
PHYSICAL INTELLIGENCE IN PAVING THE WAY
TO EMOTIONAL REGULATION..
SENSORY INTEGRATION..
NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION..
COGNITIVE EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING
ON
THE WAY
TO
INTEGRAL
HUMAN
BEING!
FOR
THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE
ON
THIS EARTH..
BUT YAH ‘SEE’..
there is this higher power of GOD
that is GUIDING ME MY WHOLE
LIFE TO BOTH HELP
ME
AND
OTHERS WHO i come across NOW…
And this synchronistic ‘voice’
that leads me in
ALL
EXPERIENCES
IN
LIFE
IS
WHAT
i
NOW KNOW
as
The Interdependent Relationship of
ALL THAT IS
aka
Mother Nature True
aka
GO
d
2
!
But anyway.. as certainly John Nash’s wife saves his life
for the challenges that are to come in both their lives..
That story is almost
identical to the life of
my
wife
and..
i..
AND HER CHALLENGE CONTINUES
TO
BE
THE WIND BEHIND THE WINGS
OF
THE
GHOST
WHO
COMES
BACK
TO
LIFE
FROM DEATH IN LIFE…
Sometimes i ask myself why am i so blessed
to have so many signs from GOD that GOD
EXISTS..
AND i reply.. i cry.. i cry..
i try
TO
SHARE…
IN ALL WAYS GOD GIVES
ME
TO
TELL..
THE STORY THAT IS NOW
ME..
@WORD1040@
@
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