Mother’s Gift Now

Old days.. days that i remember.. i must say..
so much is missing from school days..
as i really loved being part of a
flesh and blood group whether
or not i was everyone’s
favorite person or
not.. i remember
the Land
on the river
front from the time
i was so small at age 3 and
above.. yes.. last name was
Land.. there were a whole bunch of
them who played together from break
of dawn to end of sunset thru night and
it was just me and my sister and mother
and my grandmother and i am having a little
trouble now as my mother is sick and she refuses
to go the doctor not unlike me when i almost died in
2008 as i was terrified of Doctors and didn’t go to one in
23 years as they almost put me away for good in ’81 and
i was always afraid i might really be crazy as i had these out
of control emotional feelings and anxiety that overwhelmed me so much
that i just wanted to escape like i did in Middle School and stay on Summer
Vacation forever just me and my dog and family at home so no one would be
mean to me then.. and that’s the thing.. when you are outcast.. your pet and immediate
family means everything.. and my father never seemed like he liked me very much as he
never had anything to say..
but i finally
as that
was where
the part of the
Asperger’s Syndrome came
from and when he died and i wrote
a lot about it.. no one offered any kind
wishes to me then.. so i knew how alone
online was then.. and yes that was before
i met the Rafiah online.. who was the first
real person who was kind to me back then
in the Summer of 2014.. as i spent years on
the ‘Wrong Planet’ where people didn’t have
any feelings expressed for other people at
all.. like mechanical parts in machines
and for me it wasn’t hard to tell
people i cared about them..
it was just how it came
out that made
me seem
to them then.. but
you see.. before i got sick
and before i got pushed up higher
in the administration of government work
and for almost two decades of Bowling Center
work.. particularly the first decade when no supervisory
serious responsibilities were mine then.. i just enjoyed the
warm human touch and juSt a smile with eyes and thank you
sir and m’am and come again and all that stuff.. and people were
nice to me no matter how strange i walked and ran down the middle
of the lanes to get deadwood then.. as they could see i was sincere
and when a lady later asked me why i was so nice.. after i told her
i was a supervisor of the place and she said that is why you
are nice and i was thinking WTF are you talking about
lady.. i like people ’cause i like them and that’s
all there is too it.. and then the Christian
Group Bowlers who came in told
me i was the best example
of a Christian they
ever met after i hadn’t
been to church in a decade or
so then.. eventually to make 23 years
too.. about the distance i went without seeing
a doctor too.. respecting people’s freedoms is what
i do.. i offer dissension but i am not one to enforce any
laws by desire on my own.. and i guess after my father left
as my mother said.. before i was three.. it seemed like i idolized
him then.. although i cannot remember him ever being with us..
i guess.. i became scared my mother would leave and not come back
too.. as i was severely attached to her.. and was always afraid she
would not come home when she went to work.. and when i visited
my father in Tallahassee.. i would get homesick as there didn’t
feel like there was any warm and cozy love there
anywhere but home.. eventually.. i learned
to give that love.. i had gained from
my mother as i never fully
gave up and eventuAlly
even though i was
so strange
that the
of the nerd
Beta Club said.. welcome
Ladies and Gentlemen when
i came into the meeting by adding..
And welcome Fred too.. suggesting
i didn’t fit in anywhere.. although later.. he
who had a crush on my best beloved friend
Lynn.. admitting that i was everyone’s favorite
person of course meaning Lynn.. my friend.. and he
couldn’t understand why.. well.. the truth is.. it was the
Unconditional Love my mother gave me from ages 0 to
3.. before she had to go to work that made my soul whole
no matter what.. eventually through life.. and although my mother
has had many issues of her own through her later years thaT Love
was the greaTest gift i could ever wish anyone and that Love was what
attracted the Katrina to me.. and what has made me an epic Lady’s man..
hehe.. through my life as my eYes are love and those eyes cAMe from my Mother’s
Love forever then and forever now.. i am having a hard time with this but i have been
to hard
in hell
and i just
hope my mother’s
pain goes away soon..
and that is the beauty
of writing as i
can get
out if no
where else
but my among
my favorite memories now are
my sister and me and my mother
watching Alfred Hitchcock TV shows
late at night when she let me have coffee
that helped me concentrate.. i had so many
warm and fuzzy feelings of Love when i was young
and when i became so ill and lost my emotions and had
no idea what emotions really were except some felt really
special and good.. i asked my mother.. please bring that feeling
back.. help me to live again as human please.. and eventually
God of Nature gave me that gift again.. and i refuse to
ever hold it back again no matter how soft
or strange anyone calls
me as sissy
or queer
like they
used to in middle
school for being all
happy and smiley then..
no vengeance for me.. i’LL keep smiling
instead.. thank you.. and those bullies did
continue in work life too.. vague.. and behind
the back.. back stabs too per do.. thinking i didn’t
know what was going on.. that’s okay.. Love wins.. iT DO..:)
maKing Love God.. A great thing
as sure.. Love IS A great Force…
taKing that message and
making it into
a man
is totAlly miSsinG the
Message of Love as a UniVersal
God of Nature Given hUman
greater poTenTiaL
as and of
and is
as the coffee
cup says.. Love one
another like i have loved
you.. sure ..just another version
of the Golden rule.. as quote from
John 13:34 on the breakFast cup..
what else.. yes.. For where two or
more are gathered in my name there i am
in the midst of them.. from Matthew 18:24 as nicely
illustrated as fog dispersing in the morn of a living tree..
see.. you really have to be somewhat of a poet to understand
where the teachings are coming from.. while we use symbols like
the Goddess Venus in Roman Form and Aphrodite in Greek form
to express the virtues of Love.. Beauty and Sexuality although Beauty
as the flesh and Sexuality as the flesh is denigrated somewhat in Christianity
oF old and not so much in some places in the Old Testament as it is clear to see
that beauty at least as beauty of Nature is honored in the David Psalms.. where the
New Testament is more about getting in touch with spirit.. yes.. regulation of your emotions
and integration of your senses for a BaLanCinG Force of Faith as Focus in life for gaining
liGht over dARk as Force oF LiGht LIFe.. as the study of human EmoTiOns in regulating
and experiencing them and naming them and mastering them is still a young science
in the fields that help folks with our inner UniVerse that is the greATest oF all
to eXplore and master with relative free will.. as gifted in potEnTiaL
we are by the GoD of NaTuRE aLL to this PoinT of eXistencE
noW.. thing is we are still talking about the deep
South.. the back woods in old Jerusalem
days too.. extremely patriarchal..
where boys must potentially
become warriors
away from Love
ALL to avoid the
human aversion
in killing others
to defend the tribe
to gain and maintain
resources in areas of
environmental scarcity in case
you thought this was gonna be an
all mush talk here instead of Fredtalk… ha!..
WeLL.. theRe is the Wisdom of gaining TrUth oF KnoWledge
and tHeRE is the LiGht of gaining emotional regulation and
sensory integration and transcendence from the every day
worries and never ending ruminating over worries too..
until one becomes a worry factory that never
stops thinking about
what might
next.. until basically
one becomes a worry
wart on a frog and never
turns into a princess or prince
and far far from a master in relative
free will of the inner human UnivERse
as Queen and King of one’s own existence
co-creating wiTh GoD as one FocuSinG Faith Force
of WiLL and Love.. finally getting away from the DArk
ForCe of Fear and hate.. problem is though.. we are more than
a head.. yes.. we have a miNd and BoDy too.. fully encompassing
uS too.. and while most meditation for mindful awareness to regulate
emotions and integrate senses focuses on stuff associated with the head
like breathing and thinking alone.. the body is where the emotions and senses
flow or stay stagnate until one needs massage or rough ‘rolfing’ to even remember
there is body down there below the neck after one has been sitting in front of a screen
almost all day long in one spot where the potential for ergonomic injury can be greatest
as sitting still is a repetitive movement too that can create all types of pain from head to
toe if some other balancing movement does not come to Balance a body out in
moving force of now.. as well as moving to burn harmful and cumulative
stress hormones that over time can destroy every body system
from head to toe too.. and no.. this is no “wive’s tale/woo” this
is science now that definitely shows stress
kills.. stress kills and is responsible
indirectly and directly for
much misery and
suffering in
illness and
addictions.. both
substance and behavioral
too.. like video game addictions..
gambling and too much porn as take sexuality
off the table and appreciation for the beauty of Nature
all together and one has the opposite problem of NDD..
Nature Deficit Disorder.. yeS it is important to keep a little
naked Apollo and Aphrodite in your life to keep the dopamine
and androgen and estrogen juices of life strong along with the
social bonding neurohormone oxytocin and no.. hell no.. not that
pain killer that sounds like that word either per oxycontin as oxytocin
is actually identified as the human all natural love drug that is facilitated
by touchy feely love.. yes.. matter of science fact.. even touching yourself too
as the athletes say adjusting yourself to feel human again after a long day of
anxiety creating competition as love kills fear and anxiety and hate overall and
that is why there ain’t much fear and hate on Bikini Beach where Aphrodite.. the
Goddess of beauty and sexuality and yes love rains free in bikini bottoms and tops
and speedos.. i guess.. for folks who are into that too.. hehe.. fact is.. you get some love learning
in church to the death of healthy sexuality and appreciation for Nature as anything other but
dominating both.. so it’s true.. in many ways Buddhism is lacking Tai-Chi but now that the
hair nets have been removed at church and been replaced with short skirts..
action speaks much louder than words in truth and light too.. including
healthy and open sexuality and beauty too.. so we are getting
there slowly in words and much faster in do.. as hUman
nature is God Nature free when we are free to
mindfully and bodily get back away
from prison of cultural
and religious
from human nature
where reAlly transcendence
is just being human again no different
than our forager indigenous Indian ancestors
that we are still at core once we remove the idols
as forms of words and statues of men/women/goddesses/gods
and come to understand fully unclothed as all natural liFE/liGht..
the essence underneath all trUth and liGht that is the essence of
God Nature as gifted to us free.. so on this Saint Valentine’s Day
i invite
you to
get away
from machines
of words and forms
and become the essence
of what you feel and sense
and yes.. thiNk too of what humanity
as gifted by God is free in you.. different
brushes for God’s masterpiece painting..
different sexual orientations and abilities to
sense and feel liFE.. and unique and same
we are as paRts and fractals of God whOle
but truly when the form becomes Truth
and liGht and the essence is no
longer lived we become
statues too..
empty shells
of words that no longer
have a flesh and blood liGht
beating breath of liFe as HeARt..
SpiRit whOle as MiNd and boDy
BaLanCinG soUl for now and in the
spirit of miNd and BoDy BaLance this is
my Saint Valentine Fred’s Wish for you.. hehe..
A Cup of Love and a Plaque of Beauty and two dolphins
that swim as empathy and compassion forevermore now
with a lust for life now too that never ends in Bliss and Nirvana
as the Heaven of now.. chances are i might have left something out
and no problem as sooner or later someone else will seek it and find
it and experience it and share it in other words and other symbols and other
expressions of art too.. Venus you.. Aphrodite you.. and Jesus.. you too.. DancE
and SinG them aLL as one force of Love LuST and Beauty pARt and WhOLe BaLanCinG
Faith for and as
LiFE liGht iN aS TrUth now..:)
SMiLes.. my friEnd.. Candy..
the touch of two legs
early in the morning..
one older and furry..
one smooth
and never
No.. not
sexual but soft
touch that has no
distance.. space or
time.. the warm and
fuzzy feeling of love that
never ages that lives
in old age
ages when real..
and perhaps the beyond
saddest part of all is when that
smooth leg of eternal youth touches
the fur of middle age and the beast that
was love became empty as a beast of numb
and i had it all and i had it none.. as Love is
essence and never
form alone
of a
aged furry
leg and a smooth
one that never ages
shaved close and loved
as much smooth or peach
fuzz too.. and when i go to the
bar and hear the young men talk about
women.. raised with only form of porn never finding
heARt that warms a soul and heart and spirit in oldest
age of
soUL young..
tHeRE IS A death
thEre that may never be
gained as liGht as LiFE that
never ages as Love.. and sure.. as that
Love potential left me in neurochemical
and organic way for 66 long months without
the human furry smooth feeling loving touch..
i know where skyscrapers with labels and neon
God’s come from.. they come from a Love that no longer
exists.. i know where 10 Million dollar homes come from that
seLL God as Love as making bigger bucks.. they come from a Love
that no longer exists as free flesh and blood touch feely taste smell that
no distance..
no space.. no time..
no age.. so.. Happy Valentine’s
day.. my friend.. Candice.. the feathered
Sleep with Hugs of Love that never age..:)
Happy Valentine’s Day one more time as the
Sweet Heart days ends soon.. and in preparation
for our two doctor’s appointments of maintenance
check-ups in addition to me being down somewhat
with a cold for over two weeks now in what seems like
two different ones caught over that period of time.. i thought
out loud to my self.. hmm.. too bad i don’t have a Valentine’s shirt
to wear out and about getting the required subsistence items from
Walmart after the appointment ended and lots of stuff going down at once
with my mother refusing to go to the Doctor.. to the point of her losing bladder
control now and delirium and thanks God she finally gave in and she does have
a sepsis infection and undergoing tests now to see all of what’s wrong as she
has refused to go to a doctor now for 12 years and lost a whole lot of weight all
of the sudden last year and has had severe hip pain off and on too.. her
wish was never to go to the doctor again
and die at peace
at home..
and we
are surely
glad she finally
agreed to go to the
hospital as she was really
suffering and it was getting to
the point we would have to go against
her wishes.. to stay at home.. and as mentioned
before.. done there did the almost death thing of ill..
refusing the help that saved my life as there is a time
and place always to get help and surely modern medicine
saved my life and put me to sleep after 40 days of almost no
sleep then with a synergy of life threatening disorders.. including
the suicide disease.. type two trigeminal neuralgia.. no infection
for me as sepsis is certainly life threatening too.. hopefully
all will turn out well as prayers pour out for that
with Good Will too.. best thing is.. she is
getting the care she needs and
hopefully her comfort
will come away
from pain now..
not much for music or
dance or poetry or much of anything
but maintaining a will for good will to be
strong as i am very close to my mother
as she surely saved my life more than
once in life too.. as mothers do
when unconditional
Love reigns
holds barred
of hugging love..
so yeah.. i’LL hug love
and too sick to go to the hospital
to spread my germs and perhaps i will
pour it out different in a prompt by dVerse
on the topic of HeART as pain of the emotional
kind is the muse of the deepest soul to sing a song
of healing wherever that may come and go.. come what may to generate a tear
of healing
as the worst
thing to do
is hold
it in
that only leads
to unresolved pain
that can last for years
if one can not let it all go for Love oF LiGht..:)
i danced the night my father
died as that is the way he led
fear freed..
my mother on
the other hand has
lived her life love full..
so i go to heart now..
just waiting
for come
may as Love.. as Love
that the Love comes from
continues to grow.. never is
tHeRe a shortage oF LiGht to come..:)
So.. here goes the Heart prompt at dVerse
for now as this is surely therapeutic for me
for now.. to keep afloat from going too dARk
to the
i’ve been..:)
ThE Lone souL that caves
for hope.. the lone hope
oF endless
a liGht
comes.. a tunnel
more.. A SonG SinGS
DAncE moRe for Love..:)
A heART sets us apART
from birds and bees..
A smARTsAdly
ART oF Love..:)
Finding Love iN
candy jars
not too
candy more
In eYEs thaT Love
sweeT heART ChocoLate Love..:)
50 sHades darKer
Red sings cards..
sHards.. glasS HEart
oF Love..:)
Art.. 60 percent smART
sAMe for heART
and pART
oF eARTh
as 75 percent
of 60 percent more..
Ocean Whole Love waters more
m and
he and p
and he and e and h
backwards from Art as Love.. AM..:)
SMiLes.. my friEnd.. Xenia Tran and happy
Valentine’s to you and your family and
family of Galgo’s from Spain.. and aren’t
all dogs and cats ambassadors of Love
for when humans
are not up
to the
task of
Love… animals
come into to feel
the spot of fill when
humans fail.. some sadness
here as my mother has fallen
ill on Valentine’s day and our cat
Yellow Boy comes to snuggle sadness
for he
of Love..
our pets are love
and i say to the world too..
my FriEnd..
what a wonderful
refuge you make
heAR for canine Love..:)
sMiLes.. my friENd..
greaTest Love i for
one kNow and FeeL
And SenSe of Wife..
is the life
to set me free…
Happy Valentine’s
Day to you.. too.. my friENd..
hehe.. and thanks for helping..
as i was looking for something
to say to her
in all
places oF LovE..:)
Spent some time with the homeless..
under bridges and sleeping
on beaches
in warm
south.. often
run off by the law..
what i’ve come to find
is.. it is the small group of humans
who stick together for a forAge of
liFe who
no restrAint
of texting twitter heARTs
with little characters oF aLL..:)
Dreamtime of indigenous
ancestors reaLiTy
of now..
As dance of life
iN trance of love
Gone liGht
aS LiFe oF DancE
And SonG of soUL..
animus and anima WoNe..:)
For years.. For Decades spent
and Christmas came and went
And i becAMe work away from heART..
And at my mother’s home.. sat cards of all
those who touched her heARt from years of
contact.. come again.. as love…
No cards at my
home for i was
work with
Love to spread
from desk and chair…
My Grandmother became
a painter in her 60’s after her
father died.. my mother.. a poet..
after her mother died.. and it seems
my mother could be close to that in a hospital
tonight.. yet known from the result of tests.. me..
too sick with a cold to enter into sanitized rooms where
germs could kill..
the thing is.. i never
took the time to send cards
before.. as one must give
without any expectation
to receive
as that’s
life works first..
i find noW in older
age more than ever before..
i never forget anyone who is nice
to me.. hehe.. and i rarely forget anyone
in a bad way who is mean to me.. greaTest
art comes from dARk when Love liveS on and
the more i come to hurt the more i come to Love
wins Love wins.. lives liGht..
Happy Valentine’s mY.. FriEnd..:)
Valentine’s day.. sAd heaRt
day for the lonely it seems
but what outcasts feeL and
seNse and Love
is Love
coMe to be
for all of what that
is as green and living
and even mountainous terrain
when a grain of sand comes to be
oF Love
from lEast to
SMiLeS.. HEarts
poetry.. a sweetest
candy on any
iT aLL
out whaTever
iT is that IS A
spYinG eYes oF LiGht
oR dArker SHades oF hAiry sTuFF..;)
BesT heARts
hAve wiNgs
LiGht as Love
neVer feaRinG lone
aLLone flies hiGheR oNe..:)
SMiLes.. my FriEnd.. Lillian..
so sorry for your loss..
Love lost love lives
as eYes and words
of love.. and my mother
visits a doctor and hospital
for the first time tonight.. in twelve years..
sepsis.. delirium.. she only wanted it all at home..
to live
and die
in peace at home..
with no fear of death
the gift of Loving Life.. ’till the end
And beginning as gift oF aLL thaT is..:)
And we just got the test results..
Breast Cancer that went into Abdomen..
Bone and Brain and the rest of her body too..
with Cancer
bleeding in
Brain and the
amazing thing is..
a few days ago
she beat my sister
at Scrabble friEnd..
not expected to regain consciousness
and when she did wake up incoherent it
took three very large men to hold down
her 120Lb body from escape.. my
mother had has a will
of steel..
gave up
on me when
i gave up on
all of existence
in life as death..
she lived
LiFE ’till
the end
with no regrets..
i can only hope i do the same
as Love wins when Life as LIGht..
worth Living..
and death IS
A blesSing for
those who live liGht as Love..
glad.. i had a person
who is truly human to share this
with in real time now online who cares..
as Love does..Love..
thanks Lillian..
for alWays being
a nice person.. to me..
Lives Love..:)
So.. yeah.. what to do now..
what my mother taught me best
to keep loving to keep loving and never give up..
and with memories of so many days
i thought my life
was over
and she
it will
pass.. change
will come.. it
will pass.. change
will come.. it did.. and i continue to live..
with tears of a shoulder wHo Nurtures liGht as grOwn..:)
And that’s all for now…
Facebook Friend and
nice niece Candie says..
Beautifully written. My heart is heavy for what y’all are going thru..:(
All my memories of her have been positive ones. Always a smiling face,
welcoming heart and a giving spirit.
And i say in return..
Thanks Candie.. to put it short..
when i was young.. some of my
friends wished my mother was their
mother.. to be born to her.. again.. would
be worth all the crosses.. i for one have carried and more..
with that said.. off to see her while she’s still living as the cold
i have.. is no longer a relative issue.. thanks again.. for the human touch..:)
Art is how we share our heARt in SpiRit as soUl with
our family and friends and hehe.. iN my
case the world
of whatever
comes daily
as wheRe my
heARt flies free
iN SpiRit of SouL..
And what better way to
share my Mother while she is
still alive and resting easy with aid
of modern medicine than to share her
actual written page published poetry soUl here..
yes.. in her 50’s.. also like me.. never writing poetry
until after her mother passes away about a decade after
that when she is living alone
in her home after the wife
and i who lived with
her shortly before
we bought
a mortgage
in ’93..
moved out
and she turned
to the art of poetry
to express her deeper
feelings then.. and yes..
when she wrote.. shapes of words
came free too.. farthest thing from
my computer brain then that people
literally compared my super problem
solving brain.. to.. yes.. computer head Fred
without any social graces of public dance then..
as that changed after i came out of my cocoon with
butterfly wings in my 50’s too where feet and hands
became free with heARt and SpiRit iN a miNd and BoDy
BaLanCinG soUL.. too.. and while my Grandmother addressed poeticAlly
here as Loving caring heaRt FeLt SpiRit of sOUL by my Mother.. worked
7 days a week.. 12 hours a day as a waitress in town to support her family
as a single mother back in the early part of last century and was the first
woman to wear slacks in town.. getting a job selling auto-parts to help out in
the overall effort of World War II when women went to work more then out of the
home and being a single mother was much more rare than now.. she also dropped
out of school.. and picked cotton at a young age to help her Father who was a widower
as my Grandmother’s Mother died young from breast cancer and a single father was born
after that and additionally a family of first settlers in the area named as Navarre beach now
on the sound side.. of course.. but with still a Ferry necessary to get over Pensacola Bay for
my Great Grandfather to get to work..
with the only entertainment then..
oral tradition among
those who
to get
as recollected
by my Great Aunt
Jettie before she passed
away at 94.. back in my
Dead zone days as all i had
time to do was sit and listen
with barely a breath to talk myself
all messed up from a total mind and body
breakdown in physical disorder way from the
chronic effects of flight and fight stress at work then
for 2 years in a spot my Nature was not cut out for at all..
per the Asperger’s syndrome and the danger of falling out
of balance to the dark side.. eventually.. of Bipolar.. while dealing
with demands then wiTh the manic life draining part of that issue
as an adaptation to extreme environmental conditions that can sTiLL
range from physical to mental efforts behind a computer and social
demands at work too.. i keep it all balanced out through the art of
hands that write my heART and feat of free verse dance that
regulates all my emotions and integrates my senses
where the world seems an excellent
comfortable and moderately
exciting place to live
with never
a bore
or too
exciting out
of balance dance
and song of LifE.. takes
practice and that’s why i am
here now.. still writing after getting
back from seeing my mother.. it takes
an Olympian effort to keep my Fredenstein
Brain all togeThER like a finely tuned Ferrari
head tuned with all 12+ multi poTenTiAl cylinders
as an
of life and
liGht now out of
DARk.. exPanDinG
thAT hUman potEntial
away from dARk.. continuing
iN liGht as long as i keep a practice
of what works to keep all my shit togeTher
FloWinG iN ZoNe Butterfly Tiger Free..
anyWay.. back
to the
with these
hands that
floW oN.. my Mother’s
family.. very much like “Steel
Magnolia’s”.. Great Grandfather
lived two doors down on the River
Front of Black Water in advanced age..
living ’til ’94 then too but as long as i remember
the women were all in charge and seeing a male
in my family anywhere was a rare thing.. and that’s what
would eventually make me a nurturer too per the environment
makes you what you are as all the law enforcement of my father
in colder emotional non-speaking ways moved over to Tallahassee and
stayed there.. and my mother.. a devout Catholic.. would have never divorced
him.. but my father insisted that my mother go to work as he felt money was much
more important than the mommy staying home with the kids.. so he left.. divorced
her and remarried a women in his law enforcement office pool.. per say.. otherwise
i would likely have many many more siblings than one for now.. as all my Mother
cared about was raising her children and i got the benefit of her unconditional
love until age 3 as she was forced to go to work after my father left.. so..
i became the child waiting at the end of the day.. too.. in hopes of
feeling the warm healing touch of mother again..
and my most terrifying fear was that
she would leave as that
was the only
place i could
find to
Love that was the
same spirit i feel no matter
what.. including today when i walk
in a room wherever she is at and i have
to say when i woke up this morning and felt
the pain of her leaving soon and not returning
to this earth while i live here more.. i felt a greater
sadness and compassion this morning feeling the love
of my wife Katrina still with the warm loving human touch
for all of those folks who may have never experienced love
like that and in my experiences on the so-called ‘Wrong Planet’..
a common theme there that did not pertain to me with Mother for
sure was a hatred for parents in general where there was no love at all..
and yes.. for reasons of neglect and abuse too.. the difference in my life on
the Autism Spectrum.. not unlike the like of Temple Grandin is.. i had a mother
who refused to do anything but love me and here recently she got in her head
that i was demon possessed but surely that was the Tumor in her brain that was cancer
speaking.. then too.. but we already sensed/felt that she was sick.. so i let it go and she let
it go too.. and all was well again the next week when i visited her as love rules when
a practice of life
from birth
to death..
is where
of Chrisitian
religion and
belief and faith
that an all unconditional
Jesus lives inside.. as i had
that Jesus as a mother.. some
folks don’t have it at all if they
didn’t have their Jesus.. it doesn’t
matter the form.. however love comes..
the essence of Love is the God of Nature
Given Power that makes life good for self
and surELy much better for others too.. as
the source of all Steel Magnolias comes down to Love..
and a matriarchal leaning society most always works better
in smaller groups as prehistory and primitive folks go
in smaller peaceful societies as ranked by
sociology in the twenty
most peaceful
societies that
live by the
give and
Free as Love of Life for all.. noW
iNterdependent wHeRe sOURce
of Love remains and stays first
at the breast that feeds loving milk…
and those clouds that i captured last
week are named like that as utters of love
coming from sKeYes in a feed of life that is heavenly
Love as it comes from eYes that breathe thaT Love
it on and on
as Love grows
in hope away from
fear and hate… women
for the win of cooperation sTiLL..:)
The greatest thing you’ll ever do is love..
The part of the Moulin Rouge Song.. come
what may.. that is left out of the
YouTube automated
to copyright strike..
and how children come
into the world today.. in an automated
world.. with less of the feely loving mother’s
touch at a breast of life of hugs and holding hands
and needing each other’s naked warmth for the forage of life..
and surely.. i was protected
and folded in love like
this from born
to rise
older to journey
away from love to
cold technology of figures
and facts and lights that excite
and neon colors of manmade created
God that is surely paRt of God but separate
of the furry love that is our inheritance at
breast of life that comforts
that soothes that
has no
tag or goals
or motivations over
the basic subsistence and
shelter that love brings as blanket
and cover that never needs more than
life of love.. so what can love do.. live that is
what love does best NoW as the hiGhest power.. the
greaTest gift that to give is to receive as liGht as Force
beyond dArk of doubt.. fear.. and hate.. the years my mother
suffered from gall bladder pain.. refusing to go to the doctor..
i experienced that pain and just wanted to take it away from her
and her pain kept so silent with cancer spread over her body for
years hurt me beyond pain no matter how quite she kept it then..
and now that she sleeps without pain it brings me greater comfort than
the love she can no longer express in a vocal song of love that never falls lower
than higher angelic breath.. as much as it still hurts as dream of loss as nightmare
as child becoming reality now.. we are all born.. we all die.. and love makes the difference
and the best difference of the journey ‘tween two events of life we all share as equal beings..
from the smallest life to the largest
life now that can or
cannot love
to feel
as now..
L O V E..
i only wish
all people could
love like this unconditionally..
i only wish that everyone could agree
that Love.. the Force that now some of us share
so deeply is the God worth worshipping as pARt
of aLL of GoD as Nature thAT is the beST paRt for
those who can and do give and share Love Freely..
but the fAct of feelings
senses and knowings
and even science too..
and sure.. common
sense.. is
all people
are even born with
the innate ability to give
and share love.. and humans
are evolved by Nature as God
to optimally give and share love with
at most 150 to 200 sets of friendly loving
eYes groWinG this Love as A Garden of Eden
in a forage for subsistence and shelter together
in a warmth of life where the human life and love is
the prize and not a tool we create instead from clothes
to cars to homes to cities to spaceships to leave our home
of earth.. so.. the priest comes to visit my mother and while i told
his secretary.. i didn’t know how comfortable my sister would be with
the last rites ceremony for the sick and dying.. no different than a doctor
insisting on blood pressure medicine when the top part goes over 140 now or
the bottom part goes over 90 in the doctor’s office.. the prescription required
by the pope’s administration.. is to give these last rites to insure an entry into heaven..
and that was fine.. the priest didn’t ask.. he acted.. as my sister was gone out of the room…
i understand/feel/sense.. the importance of
rituals as shared positive
emotions to comfort
everyone involved..
except.. for..
the baby
with water
poured on an
innocent head.. shortly
after birth.. thing is.. how much more
for the God of Love would allowing people
who just so happen to be gifted by God with
different sexual orientations to make their love
recognized as holy and sacred as another couple’s
love that they choose to hold holy and sacred full of
meaning and purpose to give and share the rest of their lives..
well.. sAdly.. it’s not in the manual.. and as synchronicity will have
it.. when my old Tennis Buddy.. the Monsignor.. rigidly performed every part
of the ritual perfect.. up to the song he sang loud and proud as a Catholic
administrator and priest same.. he got to the part where he needed to read
from the last page of his manual to get it perfect and suddenly he couldn’t find
the page.. it seemed like a rather cold ceremony.. so i interjected some humor and
said.. well.. Mike.. perhaps it is the “Mandela effect” (when what you remember from
before becomes something totally different) per in this case.. OMG Fred.. the page is gone..
well yes.. after flipping back and forth and of course after doing this an innumerable number
of times.. he found the correct page and all was finished according to the book as assigned
to him.. thing is.. if we could all just go back to Love and use some common sense/feel/can/
WiLL.. Love could rule but sadly the world has become a very complicated place where words
have taken the place of
Love.. where words are rules
becoming collective intelligence and
religions to enforce those rules along
with cultures and more tools to bring
creature comforts like cloth blankets too..
but without love.. truly.. it is just one big
empty palace or skyscraper with an empty Trumpet
that has no song.. when humans become refugees.. now..
where the rule of love no longer applies.. God cries a tear
that is empty of the water of breathing Love.. but it goes back
to square one root one problems.. without the naked breast of love
at birth that grows this garden of Love in a place fertile and small enough
for Love to thrive.. the cold comes.. and the poor of spirit spend a life doing tHeir
best in/with/as tools of life to replace what is missing inside… a dance and song of Life that
if one can feel..
sense.. be more..
with will.. lettiNG love
guide one NoW in all one
does with fearless smART
WiLL oF Unconditional Love..
to get unplugged.. as a human tool
of culture.. can be so difficult.. but when
Love rings as faith that is smART without fear..
Love rings a song that can be heard without distance..
space or time.. and what the only thing truly in liGht any church..
home.. or dance bar late at night.. lives.. is the love that is more than
one person who shares.. together.. as a cup of love that has no golden chalice..
but the gold
that has
no limits or
expectations but
to dance and sing as
Love forevermore now..
so.. as my mother lays dying on
her bed in rest and comfort.. the love
she gives and grows in me IS A Hurricane
of Love with calm center eye that growS on
Ocean whole as Love guiding any eYe oF wISe..
TrutH and LiGht..:)
one might ask.. Superman..
now.. what really is kryptonite..
weLL iT’s the same human
nature story that is the
act of life over
and over..
the fearless
super masculine
father finds the most feminine
loving mother and births a child..
super masculine is super fearless
but doesn’t have the ability to express
Love like super feminine does.. so opposites
come together in attraction and as science shows
before the advent of ‘the pill’ that smooths attraction
more out to gender neutrality of egalitarian which ain’t
a bad thing overall.. thing is.. it is a combination of fearless
love that can breed a super hero man or woman or the ‘tween
of that and much comes into
way of adversity
and fear
rainbow hope
and love to make
Clark Kent change
to Superman for more..
and actually.. the original
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Literature is named as a source
of the Superman story too.. as the
tender Garden of the Divine Love of
a Mother’s Breast can create warmth out of
a stone of warrior that might have otherwise grown
that way from daddy’s who tell their little boys that boys don’t cry..
toughen up son in loud down south way to use a stereotype of
course as human diversity in biodiversity rains as clouds
as spectrum oF LiGht thru dArk beYOnd rainBow colors
in all pArts of the world as one race of
human beings too..
anyway.. that’s where
i come from.. a father of fearless
who escaped a den of love..
not easy growing
up in the
most patriarchal
of assessed places
in the United States
here in a place with the most
old time religion churches per square
mile by record and 5 or so military bases
designed to kill to defend rather than love to spread..
as what divine feminine love does in grace over masculine
will and strength.. i’ll not build a skyscraper for i did not go to military
school.. but what i can and will do is continue to spread fearless love..
in all i do.. and yes.. this is opposed to the place of environment
i come from but the Flower(S) sPeak different.. in Saint Rose
county from Saint Rose of Lima Catholic Church
from State of Flowers
in a mill-town
Milton place
here now as
the flowers
love noW
in beyond
rainbow colors
of my hands of song
and feet that dance over
kick ass as those feet were the
strongest ever last night at the gym…
might have pressed 1020 LBS 50 times
and i could have gone longer as after all
my mother can still struggle past three men
my size to escape from a bed of death back to God FReED now too…
Yes.. real SupermenwomenEtC.. get their strength from LOVE.. doubt
me not..
how else
the FucK
am i stronger
with legs of love
at age 56 here now..
than any other big man
in that gym.. it is the love
inside that is calm that powers
this Hurricane art as winds of grace
and strength in me.. and without that love
i am just a piece of paper full of structural infirmities
still shown clearly on Cat Scan and MRI.. in terms of
arthritis and spinal stenosis ranging from top to bottom
still of me now.. and that’s the thing.. i am more than just
flesh and blood as my mother still is on her death bed too..
i am
I am
i live through
death as life and
never give up.. and with
this said i am going a little
shorter on this 747th MacroVerse
of Ocean wHole longest form poem…
i am still lifting more than three men by legs
of dance and song of love.. and doing the work
of 10.. maybe 20 poets each day as my Mother’s Love
rings on in eYes of me.. Helen.. did you know you created
this much love.. yes.. she did before the brain cancer got too bad
as she told me so when she could see that love in my words in all
the pages i shared of what came out of my heart in the last year that
i shared verses with her from my GodsUniVerseNovel3 where i have
a stack of pages bigger than several books as just a small paRt of that
one MacroVerse poem of 338,630 words and all this effort was worth it
just so i could relate how much she has meant to me and how much i loved
her whole no matter what.. so thanks God for helping me to find a way to say
it after God brings me this gift of life as love to say it one more time and forever
now.. so yes.. this 76th MacroVerse of ‘Nether Land Bible 2017’.. arises to higher sTiLL in
number of words as the 75th MacroVerse brings it up to 1,145,032 words.. with Ocean Whole Poem
of all 747 MacroVerses now still well exceeding 3.3 million words and i will keep it no secret..
whenever they talked about the Virgin Mary in Catholic Church.. the only person i saw
was my mother then and still now as she is the source of my love no matter
what happened way back then.. and for me she has always been
my Jesus alive on earth and priest moreover than any
man in church.. and no.. i will be no political
leader and no.. i will never
rule the world
she died she
came to find out
she did grow a garden
of love in me.. She knew
i am love while she was well
and that is enough for me until
the day i die as she told me i would come
back to live then and i did from death as life..
this passes.. all passes.. and love is real now…
will i dance tonight in my 148th dance night at
old Seville Quarter to shine that light of love in dance..
as my mother greW in me from birth.. i WiLL if i can and
as history
i wiLL aT
any rate
i have a song
for this and all it is
is humble love for my mother..
and that example that good cop super
hero Jesus that was provided to me between
the lines of a book i read who was for all the outcasts
in life who loved like my mother did and does.. that Jesus
of Love is worthy of thanks and praise no different than my
mother or anyone else as all of Nature as PARt of GoD wHole.. as
doubt and fear and even hate can be turned into faith and hope and even love…
i’LL do what i can but seriously we are going to need a lot of different folks with Good
cop Jesus sKin on to turn this titanic around before the iceberg of doubt fear and hate
the ship of
faith hope and love to crash.. yes..
i’LL do what i can but i am just a
gRain of sand.. the solace IS A grain
of sand holds up a mountain of love
that can and will be human too
as long as Good
Cop Jesus
in all
the forms of
human comes
as a gRain of sand
as big as the gift of Love
that is the Greatest grace of
God of Nature Given as real Force of Love..
and beginning
of GreaTest story
of God forevermorEnow..:)
Mother’s Day Forevermorenow
Mother’s Gift
BeforE and After NovEL pARTy
Introductory post to Free Novels..:)
41K words
Free Verse Poetry Novel..:)
51K words
Free Verse Poetry Novel..:)
338,630 words
Epic Free Verse Poetry Novel
Approximately 3000+ printed pages…
With Hundreds of Beautiful Beach Photos..:)
KATiE MiA FredericK!iI
3.3 Million plus words
Super Epic Free Verse Poetry Novel
SonG oF mY SoUL..:)
Approximately 30,000+ printed pages…
just ’cause
i caN
buiLd iT..
FoR Free..:)
And yeS.. FinAlly..
CrediTs FiELd oF DreAMs..
A Thanks YoU oF sORts..
Love iS
GRains oF SaNd
hOld mounTain
oF LoVe NoW..:)
GodsUniVerse 42 HiTchHiKinG
Hmm.. more and less..
A Meaning oF liFe..;)
After Book of Fred
And Purpose
of course too..
for mE..:)
6000 Miles of DANCE WALKING! NOW!
Documenting this Public Feat oF Feet in 3 years..:)
After Dance oF Fred
NeverEverLand DoN’T
Stop DanCinG noW..:)
Book oF Ten Sixteen..
9 Macro Verses from
October 2016.. totaling
141,244 words.. all liNked
from that Month like A Great PumPkin..;)
New Testament oF ELeVen iN HeaVen ‘SiXteen
Total of 12 MacroVerses with
final chapter of this New Personal
Testament named as such.. 181,221 words..
as streAMs.. RiVers… OceaN wHOle wAves SinG oN.. FReED..:)
12 MiLioN ThanksGiVinG Words 2016
Documenting 12 Million words written
Since ThanksGiVinG oF 2010 or
A Seventh Book wHOle noW
oR wiTh 16 Macro-Verses
sTarTinG October
2016.. enDinG..
oN ThanksGiving
2016.. iT iS wHAt
iT is..
Longgg.. NoW..;)
2nd NT iN HeaVen TwELve ‘Sixteen
Included as 13 Macro-Verse liNks iN
Grand Cross Bible 2016.. 181,291 words..:)
Grand Cross Bible 2016
61 Macro-Verse chapter liNks
provided in this last chapter as
full table of contents oF A 915K
Word.. Personal Bible aS SucH..
Written from Memorial Day
2016 and finished and
published 7 months
later on Christmas
Day oF 2016..
Yes.. somE
F iN
aS thiS beComeS
mY 9th book completed
iN Star Year 2016 that ranges..
yes.. approaching 2 MilLioN words..
iNclusive oF 12 MilLioN.. over 6 years
written and recorded NoW oNline too..
Y.. yeS.. oF course.. ’cause i CaN Do WiLL..
thE ForcE
oF uNConDiTioNal
Fearless smART LoVe
wRiTe oN cOUrse..:)
KATiE MiA FredericK 2016 A Year in Review
A ReView oF A Record Years of Record years..:)
CoLoRs of HeAVeN Bible 2017
991K words
66 Macro-Verse Table of Contents Chapter liNks WiTH
5 added as a revision to ‘Grand Cross Bible 2016’
wHeRe A iSReaL Revelation oF HeaVeN
is made at the
eNd and continuing
beGiNNinG aS WeLL..:)
VicTorY LaP iN HeAVEn 2017
The rise oF A MiLLioN
Word Bible aT
Over 1.01 MiLLiON
Words and suRE..
A Victory Lap GoinG
aLong wiTh aLL thaT iS
And This aT thE 67th MacroVerse
oF thaT Bible.. pArt oF Ocean Whole Poem more..:)
CelebRaTinG 42 MoNths iN HeAVEn
Yes.. most Definitely Worth
Celebrating and noting
in Epic way too..:)
Nether Land Bible 2017
NoW A Third ReViSiOn of a Personal
MiLLioN plUs Word Bible
at this 69th MacroVerse
with liNks
to the
rest of the Bible
MacroVerse Chapters
arriving at 1,052,137 words
total at this 69th MacroVerse poinT
as words continue in coMiNg MacroVerses
after this 69th MacroVerse as nows continue to Go oN NoW..aLLFReED..LonGeR..;)

About katiemiafrederick

I like to write.