Birth of LiGht

Hi.. gigoid.. Thanks for stopping by..
i enjoy continuing to pursue and challenge
the limits of my human nature.. And ha!
The result is here.. And it surprises me..
And for me at least that’s real magic..
Happy Holidays.. Friend.. gigoid..:)!
Thanks my friend.. For the
encouraging words..
i will continue
to make this
real and
i agree..
And accept this axiom #2
for continuing change.. As
a blessing and challenge..:)
HI gigoid.. thanks so much for coming by again..
and wading through half the text.. which is quite a feat..
considering it is deep in metaphor and half is around
nine thousand words.. no Twitter feeds here.. hehe..
And in visiting the link on your website.. what i
see are 7 axioms that in essence of wisdom are all
helpful in living a balanced life.. Nice to see
some wisdom on blogs.. and ways for positive
living.. always a blessing in light when
i come across folks like you.. online..
or off.. more often online of course..
as the area i live in.. isn’t exactly
known for deeper ways of seeking and
finding wisdom.. but never the less
there are great exceptions..
where i live too..
i am impressed by your work history..
you must be a very strong person both
physically and emotionally to be able
to handle all those years in the psych-
ward in helping individuals who are both
violent to themselves and others.. and of
course with great compassion in helping the
elderly with special needs as nurse.. as well..
Few people can do these demanding jobs.. and
surely folks like you are the unsung heroes who
arrive at the trenches everyday for years to get
the job done well.. as well as prison guards who
live with the darker side of life.. for decades
of life.. in helping the less fortunate among us..
Sorry.. that you experience chronic pain..
and truly i am so blessed to escape my pain
since the end of July 2013.. ’cause when that
type-two Trigeminal Neuralgia started from 2007 to 2008..
the peak pain around the Lent period of my Catholic Church
in the Spring of 2008.. that truly was like a dentist drill
in eye and ear with no relief in all waking hours..
Along with a synergy of 18 other disorders..
including Sjogren’s Syndrome… Dysautonomia..
Fibromyalgia.. Severe Degenerative Arthritis
and Spinal Stenosis.. in my neck along with
Congenitally Fused Vertebra..
Severe depression to the point of Anhedonia..
Alexithymia.. Severe Anxiety including PTSD-like Panic attacks..
along with a diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome at age 47..
and the other disorders.. led to a severe case of
Insomnia.. that was so bad.. that even with an
alpha blocker.. i could only sleep one hour
of shallow sleep for the first 35 out of 40 days..
with zero sleep the last 5 of 40.. and truly then at that point…
i found out there are some experiences in life beyond any imagination
of death in life.. it was death as life.. worse than death after life..
Anyway.. after somehow finding my way to a bridge.. without the
strength to get out of the car to jump off it.. my sister saved
me at the bottom of the bridge.. and threatened to kill us both
driving 80 miles an hour on a country road.. and that is not what
i wanted.. so i agreed to go the hospital.. as stubborn as i was
about going before that.. and a several milligram shot of Ativan..
put me out of my misery long enough to sleep.. and so Ativan.. was
the answer to an escape of sleep.. the entire 66 months of hell from
January 2008 to July of 2013.. and i finally escaped that trap of
prescription drug.. at the end of July 2013.. as well..
very addictive.. Prescription Ativan.. can be…
And with my eyes not making Tears with the
Sjogren’s Syndrome.. which additionally..
was like swimming with my eyes open in salt water..
i spent about two years in a dark room.. with the pain
in my eyes and ears.. making effective use of eyes and
ears next to impossible.. and finally two years into the pain..
with my monitor turned all the way down.. a few inches from the
screen as the increased focus from my near sighted prescription
lenses increased the pain fiercely.. i started to type one letter at a
time.. starting Thanksgiving day.. 2010.. making a word.. a list of ideas..
and as no doctor’s drugs could help the pain.. this was my only way to
attempt to escape the pain in mind.. and to do anything to keep myself
from truly going crazy after being locked in my head.. for two years..
So.. a sentence turned into paragraph with a mountain of eye pain..
and then a page.. and yes.. now 11 million words.. and a spark of
poetic expression comes my way in March of 2013.. connecting my
language and emotions again.. and truly that seems to be
the start of a magic healing and recovery.. that eventually
led to dance.. and my own free style method of martial arts..
that brought mind and body balance.. emotional regulation..
and sensory integration.. all parts of the problem with Autism as well..
and for the first time in my life.. i felt truly like a whole human being..
with a drastic personality change from a closed-in introvert to a public dancer..
and sure not surprising i am diagnosed Bi-Polar now.. as i might have been one
of the most depressed folks in the world then.. but yes.. i am the person
everyone sees as the happiest in real
life now.. and that is how i feel inside..
So.. i share that emotional energy in words here..
AS.. i know the healing value of emotion in words..
And i know that real miracles can happen for folks
like me who lose all feelings and only live pain..
to come back again.. with no pain..
and stronger than
ever before..
so yes..
a poetic
ending and
beginning continuing
now my friend.. a place
of bliss that before in my life
would be another dimension never
entered.. but truly the mind and body
balance and a continuing practice of
free art of movement and
free art of writing is
just the
But yes.. i watched the video.. on cancer and medicinal
Marijuana.. it is fascinating and i plan on doing more
research.. and i am so happy you are finding
some relief with this all natural cure..
as nature is the best cure
i know and feel
for all my
ills too.
as my rheumatologist..
after he tried all his drugs
on me.. seriously said.. sorry
i cannot do anything for you..
no reason for you to
come back..
for me.. i found
the all natural cures
that worked for me..
by never ever
as i Loved Life before
and i was determined
to Love it again.. it took
me 66 months to do it..
but yes.. i did
come out of
the blackest
ashes of life
rising like
a phoenix on
our beautiful
beaches here of
Northwest Florida
on or about.. July
22nd 2013..
a blessing
can be life
when one keeps
moving forward
and in my case reverse
too.. smiles.. and all around
like a ballet dancer/martial
arts combo in all innate
instinctual and
free style
art of human being
mind and body balance..
So.. Thanks again..
and Happy
with best
wishes.. as.. Oh
Lord.. i celebrate everynow
like the greatest gift of just
being alive.. my friend.. now..:)
Ha.. no you are not the only one seeing significance
in the odd numbers from 1 to 13.. gigoid.. i am
naturAlly fascinated by numbers..
and before i ever read
anything or hear
anything about
the art of numerology
that some folks view as
science as well.. i come
to many of the same
instinctual and
views of
numbers in the
actual Art and
Science of Numerology
studied a little later than
my first real poetic interests
where i even write full poems
over the numbers 7 and 11
and yes the even number
twelve as well..
Anyway i view
the entire reality
of us as sacred now..
as i find when i view it
all as sacred that is a
real step to Unconditional
Love.. practiced as well
as viewed..
as sure..
Life.. the
and Paths
and never destination
or goals alone for me..
F E E L.
And it’s really cool
that you were a chef
too.. my wife might
appreciate me
more if
cook anything
more than microwaving
Oatmeal.. smiles and
spoiled that way
by mother
and wife..
Smiles.. My friend..
My God Is no Theist.. alone..
My God is much bigger as Nature.. ALLONE..
That includes Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas alike..
As well as Universal Peace and Love inherent in most of
human nature if and when balanced.. And that is great enough
for me.. Always now as Simple Life.. Away from all words..
And other material items..:)
Smiles.. gigoid.. interestingly with my form of Autism..
my problem nearly all my life.. as assessed
by my Psychiatrist was.. i didn’t have
an integrated Ego.. and by
the way i understand
Ego.. beyond
it is one of mind
and body balance
secure in one’s self..
where truly Ego can
also be a metaphor
for soul.. as far as
personalities go
and attachments
to the personality
we present to others
in human connections..
that is where I break from
some Eastern Philosophies..
that seek a total separation from
that part of Ego.. as i see that
part of Ego as Art when used
as a tool for Love and Peace..
So i truly believe in that sense
of Soul of Ego that human
Personality can
be a Zen
Art of giving
Light.. constantly
away from dark..
so yeah.. i tend to
go my own way.. and
share it.. but would truly
hate for anyone to ever truly
follow anything i say.. (religiously) i
rather other folks come up with
their own ways that
fit their Universe
of Individuality
as it is the
of human i Love most..
all the dark and light i find
interesting and ha!.. some of
the dArk.. some folks see.. i for
one see as the liGhtest pArts
of human
of All..
like they say
different strokes..
different folks..
yes.. a variety
unlike ‘uS’..
smiles.. again..:)
“I can only agree with all of the above; the woman I spoke of in my previous reply to one of your comments, Red Dwyer, has four kids, all of whom are autistic, as she is… in fact, she is an autistic savant, in a plethora of fields of study; when very, very young, she broke through, and completely destroyed, all the barriers the autistic create to protect them from the avalanche of perception in which they often exist; she is the most GROUNDED person, autistic, or “normal” (whatever the fuck THAT means), I have ever met, or known… She is also known as “the human whisperer”, for almost any kind of person with a mental problem. Bipolar, schizophrenic, autistic; she is able to get through to them, and help them learn to deal with whatever their mind is doing to prevent their happiness… As I said, an amazing woman….
I find many of the same qualities in you…. Those who are “autistic” to my mind, merely possess a set of perceptive organs that are a hundred times more sensitive, and powerful than the ordinary human does; they perceive SO MUCH of the universe around them, it is very scary at first, before the mind is capable of processing all of it…. so, most create barriers between themselves and reality; those are the “mis-integrated” ego parts the psychiatrist spoke of … which doesn’t really count, because most psychiatrists have no real understanding of the condition at all. They are convinced it is a ‘problem’ whereas I, having known many autistic people, can say the only problem is for them to learn to handle all they perceive; then, the barriers dissolve, on their own, in my experience…. The condition itself may very well be a mutation, to the next highest evolutionary point for humans.. In short, people who are now called autistic are, probably, by all the evidence I can see, the next stage in human evolution… Once a way to learn to process their perceptions is found, there will be NO further limits to what their minds can accomplish…
As I perceive you, you are caught half-way, between perfect comprehension of self, with a full understanding thereby of human nature, and, the dark ignorance where most of humanity dwells in discontent….”
Smiles.. gigoid.. worth quoting..
i couldn’t have said it any better..
Experience counts more my
than any
of medical
science or
school ever will..
Love to you and your
cat.. friend.. and all
of your
Loved ones..
Happy Holidays
again.. and hope
you have an enjoyable
training session with your cat..:)
Smiles.. Prajakta.. thanks so much for coming by today..
and glad you enjoyed the beautiful Christmas Lights that
my neighbors do employ.. last year we had three polar bears up…
a mama.. a baby and a big happy daddy.. my wife’s sister..
sadly was succumbing to cancer.. and she eventually
died on Christmas Eve.. and in her last few days
the mama polar bear developed a hole somewhere
in this inflatable Christmas decoration standing
about 6 feet tall.. that we could not find the
source of and slowly that polar bear..
fell to the earth completely
flat on Christmas Eve..
the night Katrina’s sister
Michelle died.. this year we bought
a new 6 foot tall mama Polar bear to go
up with our existing 8 foot tall sitting huge
daddy Polar bear.. but my wife never gained
the heart to put her back up.. but sure we had
a Christmas wreath.. and a welcome flag of
Christmas Spirit to our front door..
so yesterday.. i wore a polar bear
shirt that says Chill.. to decorate
literally myself.. and with temperatures
approaching 80 degrees still this week
with December Green Grass that still
hasn’t felt a Winter Frost.. it is the spirit
that counts.. cool or warm.. as i attempt
to stay both warm and cool.. smiles
and Winks.. and happy
all the now to you friend..
and your new coming
husband.. as if i remember
correctly.. wedding still coming..:)
With the introduction of Air Conditioning..
loss of front porches.. and screens replacing faces..
blogs are certainly replacing front porches in at least
a virtual way.. and that is good.. as who knows/FEELS
eventuAlly ‘we’ may be motivated to build
front porches in ‘real life’ again..
And i suppose that is wheRe words
that are more than facts
can lead
back to
of human.. again..
When we find that is truly what
we share in common.. being human…
And hmm..
i leave religion at the Beach
and it stays with
me then now
as Jonathan
ston as
Freer now
and higher
with never a
world of words
to hold me back
from flying free
on land
but sure i
come back
to words.. as
sometimes flying
can be poeTry too.. sMiLes
and thanks for the free flying
inspiration you do sing here..:)
There is no doubt in my mind that
heARt is real as a metaphor of human
FEELING emoTioN.. that spiRit is real as
connecting emoTioN to other
expresSinG humans
and the rest of
Nature as inter
Force of
in what can be
m e t a p h o r
for GOD and
of Human Being
SoUls as metaphor
for BalanCinG BEinG
in MiNd and BoDy
ways of
and integrating
senses in moving
Art the way our
ancestors capture
prey and avoid predators
without breaking a leave
of sound.. in invisible
ways of yes..
again.. now
human balance
with the rest of Nature
in action.. consequence..
either dark or light
as positive
or negative
that comes now
or then.. but yes..
the bottom line is
we are here.. and
sure this is a nice
front porch friend
to shoot the
the feather
may fly
in Peace
in Love
of just floating
around and free now..
Anyway considering the stresses
of modern mechanical cognition life..
highest rates of suicide in places
like South Korea.. where
technology reigns
highest.. now
in the so-
world.. now
this E-world
must find a source
of human heARt..
SpiRit and soUl
to have any
chance of
as human BEinG
aGaiN.. and poeTry
and blogs are a staRt
back to human being..
as Lord knows that
is wheRe i find
my hUman
and tHere
is meaSure
of treaSure
kNoWn to humaN
being like a free flowing
mind and body in balance
holding hands in heArt..
SpiRit.. and SoUL in
at least
for me
so thanks again
for your treasure here..
friend gigoid.. no price
to measure human SoUl..:)$
And yeah.. if i wanna find
wisdom.. i’ll go see
someone who
spends decades
helping folks
in a psych-
a monk
in a monastery..
or priest or pastor
in a seminary.. for sure..
no.. there is nothing
that my
friend @ALL..
SMiLes.. Strange is still a
home for me.. As stranger.. He He..;)
Ninja.. again..
wink emoticon
Yes.. shirt says..
i’m a Ninja..
Oh God.. And
off to Marathon
dance shopping
again.. ’tis the
so be
iT.. JusT
Yes.. Katrina selects my wardrobe(s).. and
there are often ‘hidden’ literal
messages that may not
be totally understood..
as those meanings..
often have
to do
Music times Emotion equals Human Force of Spirit rising..
Yes.. ME=F.. Sadly some folks feel ME is a sin..
But people can be convinced to do almost
anything if it means acceptance
in the culture one is born in..
Including extremes like female
and male genital mutilation.. Cultures
are insane and evil.. Not the gift of God..
That is innate human being nature born into
this world by God’s Grace.. Anyway..
So happy.. you are not afraid of ME..
Friend.. emoticon
Oh yeah.. and of course there
is the Light Force of Human
Emotion and the Dark Force of
human emotion.. Light Force being
pro-social emotions that lead to social
cooperation like Love.. and Dark Force
being con-social emotions like Hate
that lead to strife.. and sure
there are different kinds of
Music than enhances the
Light side of the Force or
Dark side of the Force in
accordant or discordant ways..
But we humans who learn to regulate
and master our emotions the way of Light..
will naturally feel and know what kind of music
takes us higher in the light of pro-social emotions
or lower in the dark of con-social emotions.. now
and turn the radio station as required..
as all natural wild and free
human beings can and will do..
yes when truly set free in mastering
their relative free will.. that also includes
integrating senses including sensuality..
through the Art of free movement.. that
of course is enhanced by music.. now
So truly the best formula that now
can and will work for human now
to master the regulation of their
emotions and integration of
senses/sensuality can be
MED=H as Music times
Emotion times Dance =
HeArT as Human ART..
yeah sure.. sHeArTs too..
WHeArt best as MED=H..
And that is the Human
lesson today..
N0W For
Rafiah edits her smile response on Facebook and indicates
the lyrics to the song in a language she understands
are translated into English below the
song.. as quoted here:
“You’ve taken away my looks, my identity, by just a glance.
By making me drink the wine from the distillery of love
You’ve intoxicated me by just a glance;
My fair, delicate wrists with green bangles in them,
Have been held tightly by you with just a glance.
I give my life to you, Oh my cloth-dyer,
You’ve dyed me in yourself, by just a glance.
I give my whole life to you Oh, Nijam,
You’ve made me your bride, by just a glance.”
And i say..
Smiles.. i come back for your
edited response.. too.. and like i tale you
many times.. before here.. all it takes are eyes my friend..
in my opinion.. the most attractive women in the mall are
the one’s with the Hijab.. and yes.. there are a lot
of Muslim folks in Pensacola.. but fairly rare
in my smaller town i live in..
14 or so miles away..
the most beautiful dark brown
eyes i see.. as yes.. i see the soul
in the eyes.. and those souls.. perhaps quiet..
but bright my friend.. like you of course.. as sure..
i still remember those eyes.. with smiles.. yes.. your
eyes do smile.. and sure my eyes smile too.. quiet..
before.. God takes those eyes away..
and puts them in words instead..
for now.. at least..:)
Hmm.. more deep
deep wordy Facebook
memories.. from a year ago..:)
And sure.. why not add the ‘Master Chief Aghogday’
link from a year ago Christmas.. as of course
this comments section from the post
SonG of my SoUL.. WiLL eventuAlly
be my next post named
the “Birth of LiGht”..
and truly Christ is
the LiGht of pro-social
Human Emotions with Love
Leading the way of the
Courageous.. Kind..
and Passionate
LiGht is
Human Pro-Social
EmoTioNs.. as one can
come to understand that
in ‘those days’.. human
emoTioNs that
are still now
poorly understood
by the Psychiatric
Field in the way
pro-social emotions
lift human cooperation
and con-social emotions
bring humans
down.. as
truly a literal
Spiritual lifting of Energy as
Light Force and Lowering Spiritual Energy
of DArk Force are even.. then.. 2K years
ago.. less understood in terms
of science words in the time
of the man Yeshua.. among many
other translations for this man’s
historical name.. like the the Muslim one
of Isa.. So now.. we get all these deep poetic
words in the New Testament that attempt
to describe the Light Force and how it
works better for human social
cooperation.. and somehow
instead of seeing this
as a way of pro-social
emotions to make life
better now.. folks
turn it into a
story about
in twisting
the story around
to see this natural
world we live in as evil..
and death as the goal.. instead
of life in living now.. and hell
no.. that is only for control.. to make
people accept the subservient rules
of the cold hearted dark force
people ruling the world
by cultural
rules of
through illusory fears
and promise of heaven after
life.. where heaven and hell
exist on this plane of earth
literally now in dark
and light
ways of
human emotions
that are truly
energy and force
that move us together
as a unifying pro-social
positive force or separating
force.. and
the best way to
control human being
force and energy is
of course to repress
and oppress in ways
of limiting our
all natural
ways of
being as
very emotional
sensory and sensual
feeling human beings
who live through this liGht
force well above any power
of reasoning and logic of worry
over the illusory past or future..
where now is and as always will be
the only reality we have for now..
so.. so truly as hard as it might
be for smarty pants to believe..
and trust me i lived in those
smart pants for many decades..
is.. the most advanced way
of human being still
has not changed
in tens of
of years..
of dancing
naked around
the campfires
and moonlit ways
of night.. with drums
chanting songs.. and flutes
of reeds.. that sing a human
spiRit HeArt of emoTions expresSinG
higher and higher.. N0W.. iN human ways of
miNd and BoDy balanCinG SoUL.. no different reAlly
than the SonG my Muslim friend Rafiah shares with
me earlier in this post.. of men singing
and beating drums along with another
musical instrument.. about the
joy of connecting eyes
of Human Love..
the greaTest
Power Human
WiLL ever
And SURE with technology
we continue to expand the liGht
of the vocal chords and throat now
that are voice of SonG.. first now then
through reeds of flutes as throat.. and
strings of guitars.. as vocal chords.. where
percussion of hammers on strings become piano..
and now electronic music that goes higher and higher
on a spiritual level not even possible with human
voice alone.. truly God’s Voice SinGs in aLL
moving pArts of God’s being of Infinity
through the vibrations of all pArts
of God’s bEinG makes now
as Infinity
still SinGs
a SonG of dance
to tHis moment
now and beyond..
and when we enhance
this SonG of God iN ways
of higher and higher liGht..
wE increase the LiGht of God
as well.. and obviously as whole
make God Happier too.. so sure with
Music.. Emotions.. and Dance we raise GOD
up higher.. what better way to worship GOD
of ALLTHATiS when we Stars of UniVerse become
Stars of God as BriGhter LiGhter Dancing SinGinG
Human beInGs of God.. no different really than
our naked ancestors dancing wildly and freely
around those moonlit campfire nights..
beating drums while the
vibration of GOD
SinGs hiGher
as truLy
we become
in choir with
And that my friends
iS a real Tree of Life
worth coming to living
and staying now..
just iNow.. N0W
wITh tHe liGhts
of God Living Free
and wild in our eYes
and rest of our
bodies too..
so free..
WheRe the ‘Guardians
of the Galaxy’ trUly
are/were a SonG
and dance
iN the
MagicK MusicK
of Us now.. jUSt N0W..
And yes.. iT works..
and i document
what it
does for
ME always
now.. to prove
it in literal
ways too..
so yeah..
the answer iN
that video about
Jesus Christ Super
Star was/iS inherent
in the SonG
oF Dance
Of the
of Christ
LiGht itself
inherent in
uS n0w when
LiGht as
WeLL as
SMiLes.. evening
heArt gLows horizon Art
coming up iN human eyEs
HeArt expresSinG
eYes soUl WeLL..
matching dreams
flAMe hiGher
as lovely
hands now
iN StarliGht
streets of
SpiRit BeInG.. comes
heArts feeLinG
anniversary.. one
year words healing..
and this gift of poem..
now complete 1 as 3
is my anniversary gift..
to your words of beInG..
my dear friend.. Himali..
In reference to your question
on your page about when my blog
anniversary is.. SMiLes.. i have three blog
anniversaries.. really.. first one on the Wrong Planet..
where i actually wrote about 8 million words.. before
leaving there.. still recorded in my author log on that
Wrong Planet.. starting on November 26th.. of 2010..
a little over 5 years ago.. then March 10th of 2013..
on my first blogger blog.. and then in August of 2013..
when i started on Word Press.. so i actually have three
anniversaries a year.. in different ways.. but hey.. everynow
is an anniversary iN celebration of life for me.. as i was once
am dead in life for 66 months.. where everynow of life must be
a celebration for me.. as i have no way of seeing it other than that
for now.. my friend.. and in expanding that thought/feeling here as well
of now on this pAge.. on thIS day.. muggy and warm in Northwest FL..
wHere Air Conditioning is on to cool the home.. and keep my hands
moving without sweat of brow.. i Thank God for allowing me to
continue living past that day that surely seemed the end of
me at the bottom sleepless lent period of 40 days in hell..
Spring of 2008.. God allows me to stay a while
longer to learn.. and feel.. to become briGhter
in Truth and Light
and share what
i find and
feel more
about GOD
with the rest
of the world who
cares to share that with
me.. and truly if more
humans who have
become disabled
by life.. as death
as life.. and live
again.. can
bRing tHeir
liGht to
the world
as Truth as
Well.. perhaps
Love and hope will be the
Rule of LiGht and the dArk
of fear and hate that takes
us to this place of LiGht’s
Love will fade away
into the distance
of Twilight
Light again
rules before
the Apple of
hate and
fear then..
Love is
THE way
i for one
WiLL always
Choose for
Well.. before the
Word Press Version of
this gets mega long..
i will stop here..
with less than
5000 words
or about that
and ha!
when if first do a
6 thousand word post..
named Revelation 66
as linked here..
Brian Miller names
it ha! the Mother of
All Blog posts..
the only one
brave enough
with the effort
and patience to
comb through it..
to offer any response
at all.. and his response to
my one question at the end
that blog
post is
Always equally valid
and that answer of the
Ages to all of human real
issues is that of Love..
Love will
way if grown
as a garden of Love..
and that is an all hands
or these
human ships
will surely sink
in much more dark
of human suffering and pain…
More photos from a midnight
celebration of the Birth of Jesus..
Christmas Day family events..
and 90th Rave dance
when the
dance of
that ends..
at Old Seville..
Quarter with
all the cool college
age folks dancing
early on
3 am.. as i
ready myself
for Catholic
Church again..
sure.. many more
photos coming soon..
but for now at least
this post will be a much
easier opening one for some
before i post
the rest of this
on my blogger
Hi gigoid.. Love to you as well..
from Katrina and i.. on this really muggy
foggy super warm night in North Florida..
wheRe the young folks are hanging around
the River Boardwalk with just their
swimming trunks on…
One can imagine it
like the middle of Summer..
still with rising rivers as well..
from all these Gulf inspired rains we’ve
been deluged with lately.. but still no Noah..
size.. Floods coming so all is great where i live..
coming back from even more stores on Christmas eve..
a little break here now before midnight mass..
And so nice again to see your kind and encouraging words..
and the best thing about human suffering.. pain.. and misery..
is if it is hell enough.. one can see better why folks do the
things they do on the other side of the darker fences of life..
instilling greater empathy as compassion for other folks..
who are not nearly as fortunate as others.. including the
rest of Nature too.. hmm.. even potentiAlly
gaining the empathy of 14.5 billion years..
Anyway.. i am so happy that you made it
through your tremendous challenges in life as well..
and am glad to connect to you in this blogosphere UniVerse too..
as we carry on LiGht and Truth.. into 2016 and beyond.. with
kind wishes and Love for all concerned..
Living and Existing on this terrestrial plane
for now.. for all the dark and light that comes..
and read your post earlier.. that i found extremely interesting..
off to comment on that next.. during this in-between midnight mass break..:)
Smiles.. you are making perfect sense my friend..
in the perfect of Nature that is Art instead of Science alone..
no less than scriptures that would set a man aside from all other men..
as more special then the rest.. where the man himself in those same
reported scriptures will be humble enough to suggest that others
will come after him who do much greater works then he..
Jesus.. the man.. is no more than a homeless man..
as Lord knows when i come across homeless folks under
and around bridges.. as i dance walk across the states from
Biloxi Casinos to Pensacola Beaches.. the folks who get what
i see as an all natural message from Jesus seeing God as all of
Nature.. are walking that Carpenter’s desert of Jesus now..
And having the time away from material excesses
of culture to look within and find the answers inside
no different than what truly seems to be the homeless
Carpenter Jesus.. with his similarly free minded friends..
named Apostles.. in following this man’s way.. then..
And sure.. eventually Roman Emperor Constantine
and his Catholic Cohorts.. in 325 AD.. make him
into a false God separated from other human beings..
in accordance with the Mithra Religion at that time in history..
in that region of the Roman Empire.. and special above all humans..
when the same scriptures suggest that the meek will inherit the earth..
and the Rich Man will not find heaven here on Earth..
And the Truth as far as i can see.. for other
folks like Mark Zuckerberg.. who does not give a crap
about being the richest dude in the world.. and will give
away 99% percent of his so-called riches to bring up
those less fortunate in the world for equal access
to opportunities.. is a real example of the
person.. i know and FEEL as Jesus..
Doing stuff his way..
the way of Nature.. and in the case of
Zuckerburg.. away from school as well..
where dreams are brought to fruition..
in practice of taking the human race
higher.. than they are yesterday..
connecting the souls of the World on Facebook..
and Google and other folks.. like Mark.. expanding
free blogs.. and whomever created the Word Press platform..
as well.. these are the worker Bees and yes.. some drones
who will never reproduce and haven’t the slightest care to either..
as far as little humans go..
But what they do is move.. connect and create
greater avenues for the human race to march forward..
holding hands together.. as the only way a world of humans
who are only evolved to connect to 150 to 200 sets of
eyes will ever do that.. is through a watered down
electronic virtual reality of connections around
the world.. in terms of not Hundreds..
but Billions of human beings..
Reach out and touch someone on a smartphone..
is no less incredible than the hand held devices of Star Trek..
and in some ways can do so much more than even dreamed
of when it is just science fiction and now coming greater to
fruition as we speak.. in higher and higher ways of
connecting both hemispheres of earth and
neurons like humans together..
for one Mind of World..
with limitless avenues
inside.. for different as well…
Yes.. we live in a brave new world..
And we always have.. now.. as long as
we adapt and change.. and remember..
we are flesh and blood.. mind and body
beings.. progress will be the way..
instead of stagnation
unto yesterday
from the
reality of
the ever changing
Art and Science of NOW..
Truly an exciting time for the open-minded among us
to sing our song.. and truly a terrifying time for
the very closed-minded among us..
and sure that shows
in the phenomena
of Trump..
who Truly
is the last hold-out
in Nuclear Option
to say OH NO.. PLEASE
BEFORE.. well..
with freedom of
Information that
we have around
the world now..
The Truth
and Light
is compelling
and contagious..
Hard work.. with blood..
sweat.. tears.. and other stuff
but there is LiGht at the end
of the tunnel.. and as far
as i can see.. it is
not a train
but a Loving
and Peaceful way
of moving.. connecting
and creating.. freer than
ever before.. that is the
Light of Love and Truth
of Wisdom as Nature
will have human
as a balance
of Art and
as Nature shows
herself to be now and
now again.. this whole
thingie is connected and
what will come.. will come
as a cooperative effort
and never under
the guise
of one
one book..
one human..
or one country
Alone.. as ALLONE
is the True way of the
LiGht of the UniVerse and
the liGht shall have her way..:)
Reverence for Nature..
wheRe a spider is seen as an
‘important person’ too.. ah.. refreshing
it is to see and feel that.. now.. as there is
surely not enough reverence these days
for the rest of Nature.. as folks breeze
through their metallic and plastic lives..
rarely touching the gRains of Earth
between tHeir toes of Love..
And this reminds me of the noble Wolf..
who when domesticated will get angry at humans..
but when free and wild in Nature rarely bothers humans..
and of course in the past where lambs are easy prey.. they
become the evil one.. but sure they are just doing tHeir job for survival..
As the Wolf Spider does as well to make a living.. and yes.. it also reminds
me of ‘Dracula’ too.. and what we will do for the price of Love.. as sure Love
is important to die for and kill when absolutely necessary.. as history shows
is the sad reality of human life too.. so many nows away
from eye to eye of Peace and Love.. yes.. in reference
to the Newest ‘Dracula’ movie on the big screen..
where Dracula is willing to lose his soul
for the one’s he loves..
after already
a fearless
and ferocious
human soldier
for the Love of
Country and Family
wHere wars are won
for Love and Freedom
instead of Material items
like Oil and fake Gods alone..
away from Nature as God ALLONE..
To the smallest of creatures the eYes of balance..
the bees of pollination and the food of life.. with dragon
flies of beauty and meek roaches who are often hated
the most.. still inheriting the earth from millions of years ago..
now… with humans only a speck of dust in history
yes.. on this planet now.. in a relative way…
But still we all share that point of origin..
or origins.. or whatever comes before..
so truly if we are in the know and feel of Unity..
there is no separation.. where a Spider’s life is
no less important than any other grain of sand
that holds the feet of us secure as earth…
Just to be pArt of it..
makes it all worth it to me friend..
Just to move.. connect.. and create.. with
all these creature comforts happily and
fiercely provided by the ‘drones’ of life..
makes all of us birds.. bees..
and grains of sand..
to be
here now..
where truly this
is perhaps.. the best
of all UniVerse heavens
for those who experience that
way of human existence on this
terrestrial plane for now.. and for those
of us who have lived or seen real human
hell.. the gratitude for the blesSinGs shaRing
is both priceless and worth shArinG.. from the
Life of the Wolf Spider.. to the big Wolves oF life..
my friend.. and Happy LiGht with Truth Holidays
to ya.. alWays now my friend in the gift of Now as
Yes.. Peace and
Love to ya friend..
and Best New
wishes alWays
NOW.. as NEW..:)
SMiLes.. my friend..
thEre is a saying of YOLO..
You Only Live Once.. and of
course seize the day.. Carpe Diem..
iN my mind/feeling of mind and body
balanCinG SoUl.. therE iS only YOLN..
You Only Live Now and Seize the Now..
as Holynows.. giving the present of Holynows..
in the free verse form of PoeTry.. Prose.. and Dance
iN trUly.. A SonG of mY SoUL expresSinG SpiRit Now
of emoTioNS Free wherever Now takes me next.. give
me three feet to spiral the pArts of my body free in mind
and body balance and in that Relative Free WiLL.. Bio-
feedback bRings.. along with lifting music of modern
humans iN all of what modern technology bRings
liGht and Truth of my mindful awareness climbing
higher and higher in a Peaceful Loving way..
wheRE no now is same as the one before..
with Valleys and Mountains of human
experience only to come different now..
theRe is truly not only infinity
above to skies that never end
as stars.. tHere is truly that
infinity as well.. iN
our neurons in their
connections.. in the Vagal Nerve
that carries feelings from Brain to Gut
that some folks metaphor as Kundalini Serpent..
receptors all throughout our human body in what
might be termed an infinite potential for connections
of metaphor of FEELING human Chakras from
top of head to bottom of toes.. to arms.. to
fingers above so below.. inside.. outside..
all around.. truly we human animals
are a reflection of the Universe as
Nature as Metaphor for God as well..
and we can either expand and spiral
around the calm center bliss of us..
or fall into the deep abyss that can
be a human Black Hole Sun..
but sure that Black Hole
Sun.. once experienced..
can be the inspiration
that spirals us
higher than ever before..
truly we are the cosmos unto itself..
as the great philosopher/scientist Carl
Sagan suggests.. and on my class ring
from the three college degrees i earned
in Health Science.. Anthropology.. and
Social Sciences Interdisciplinary that
only gained me access into the working
world in a Military Bowling Center.. for
the one class i had in computer
science as the Bowling Alley world
then is gaining computers.. and needing
that knowledge greatly from folks in College
as well.. to pass out shoes to dirty feet as one
of the most humble jobs of all that i did for almost
two decade as responsibilities increased.. Yes.. on
my ring is the quote from our University of West Florida
humble logo.. and motto of “Build thee more Stately Mansions”
from Oliver Wendall Holmes.. where this humble sea creature
spends its life building a shell that in form will mirror the Milky
Way that is our bigger home above so below.. So yes.. my
friend.. i continue to build my Nautilus Shell so
after i am cremated a work of Art like that shell
will be left behind.. for anyone who cares to
discover it.. no less free of cost.. than
digging through the sediments of
the Earth and finding a Shell of the
Galaxy my friend.. aLL i kNow is the
truly free human spirit.. when now more
fully moving.. connecting.. and creating..
is a work of Art and REAL magic.. that
continues to make the greaTest Nautilus
Shell.. that is becoming the Google Shell now..
and i feel fortunate and blessed to add a verse to
this new technological form of Human Multi-verses
holding hands together.. as long as servers live..
in my humble part as part of the whole my friend..
ever growing.. ever expanding.. no longer held
back by those who might Love their Black Hole
Suns more than expanding stars of eYes and
feeling.. and yes.. i do type around 130 words
a minute when properly focused.. and read one
of my longest posts in a few minutes.. but sure
this Nautilus knows and feels no word of quit now
AS less than Holynows.. smiles.. not many people
can handle all of what i can do.. it is a blesSinG to
come across those who do.. and i for one.. will be
unstoppable as long as i believe in now.. my friend..
see ya later.. in Novel ways of Now.. haha! literAlly too..;)
miles.. my friend Zee.. so nice of you to visit me in my little
corner of the E-World on Christmas Day of 2015..
Love is Lovely my friend..
where Love exists
and Peace
is wHere
i WiLL to be..
and when Peace and
Love Holds hands across
borders of differences we humans
finAlly determine that yes.. we are all
humans and Truly all Children of God who
do have the potential to hold hands regardless
of the words and experiences that bRinG us this
far in life.. my friend.. i for one see a very sweet soul
in your words.. and that
my friend is all i need
to know and
feel about
you as
the real deal of
Peace and Love.. my friend..
so sure.. i heARt you too..
with sMiLes.. for now..:)
SMiLes.. again.. thanks my friend for the Winter Wishes..
failing to find that Winter yet.. but sure as in all stuff
axiom #2 for continuous change.. change will
have her way eventuAlly and that
is a Thanks of Change
from me as well..
i come from
stock.. my Grandfather
an Irish Immigrant.. a priest
at the Vatican.. then South Africa..
then Catholic Priest at a Parish
in Taylor County Florida..
where he at age 36
cannot resist
the temptation
of the eYes then..
of my 17 year old
Cajun Grandmother
who is obviously the
spice of life that
bRing great
change to
and of course
Leads to me.. so sure..
Thanks God of Nature for folks who
follow axiom #2 for change and refuse
to follow the footsteps of the rules
before.. so then.. he becomes
a noted author.. converting
Catholics left and right
to the Protestant way
of church
as an
across countries..
and also editing
a Converted Catholic
Magazine in New York
New York.. and interestingly
actually having Dinner with
Einstein.. a fellow outlier
in the Socialist
Party then..
and writing one
particularly noted
book named.. “Behind
the Dictators” indicting
the Catholic Church
scathingly.. now available
on Google in PDF for
free.. my Grandfather
truly a foe of the
Catholic Church
then.. but
me ha! nah!
human Nature in all its
diverse ways.. in all the cultural
ways of expression of essences true
or false.. does not scare me.. i understand
the human Nature of the mind who fears
verses the mind that frees..
and yes that axiom
#2 is the best
pArt.. as i for one
believe when we
unpack our genetic
epigenetic potential
in challenge of our
we just
we wanna create
as us.. as BY the
God of Nature
we share
all the
DNA potential
where even a weak
120 LB.. 5 foot 10
string bean
of a young
man in school
can eventually
leg press close
to a half-a-ton..
25 times..
still getting
at age 55..
So sure my friend
the magic lives inside
all gifted by the God of Nature
and for those who move ahead
instead of staying behind
beyond the skies
the limit
in minds
and bodies of us..
brought my laptop with
me to the family outing
on Christmas day.. scores
of folks arriving.. time to turn
off and tune back in to flesh
and blood my friend.. my
next blogging adventure
after completing
the “Birth
of LiGht”
post that
will comprise
over eleven thousand
words before that is said/
finished by Sunday.. then
i will join the three posts
“Last and First Verses of God”
“SonG of mySoUL”.. and
‘Birth of LiGht”.. as
one blog post
‘Novel Blog Post’
that will comprise
40+ thousand words
and yes literally will
be a ‘Novel Blog Post’
and without making this
connection with you.. truly
it would not likely be possible
to accomplish that by Sunday
to write that ‘novel’ iN about a
week.. Life is Good
and Now iS
my friend..
Gigoid.. now..
but i will have
to reduce the total
number of photos so
Word Press and my Google
Blogger blogs do not ban
me for
as Algorithms
have attempted to
do in the past.. for
volume of photos
and odd word
play that
only an
‘imitation game’
of a human could
do.. but sure i am
real friend.. and
Real is the best
Human nows
of all.. WitH
for creativity
fully employed
as a beautiful
practice of Art
as well of course
wRite on course..
for now my Friend..:)
Hi Leah..
thanks so much for
thinking of me and dropping
me a line on this Christmas day
of 2015.. and perhaps when you
get over that nasty flu bug.. we will
talk a little bit.. about your namesake
for Star Wars when the New Year comes..
but anyway.. as they say it is the thought that
counts and a nice Christmas Greeting is always
a thought i like.. for now..
and yes.. best New Year’s
wishes to you and your
husband as well..
without the
to keep you
offline in a multi-
Universe of Google
eYes.. hear now.. sMiLes..:)
And yes.. to digress.. now.. so many years my
mother gets cards from friends of years gone
past.. and i have none.. zero.. as work takes
all friends away from me in Christmas
Connections for decades.. and i wonder
if i will have any like my Mother does..
as i really like people so much but
just don’t know how to get
them to like me..
of course i
could barely
talk then..
just smiling
eyes is mostly all..
and yes.. i talk now
too much.. too long
too fast.. but hey in this
big blue brown green orb
that is a global way of connection
now even a person as outlier as me..
can at least find a handful of Christmas
greetings that mean the world to me..
short or long my friend..
true it is the thought
and feelings that
count most..
that of course..
and this year.. i notice
there are no Christmas
Cards posted around her
home.. something i never
really thought about.. so i
don’t know when they
started drifting away
but the fact
is all
friends are
dead.. she outlived
them all.. and as luck
will have it.. as many
people in my family
live to be close
to one-hundred
years this may be
my fate too.. then..
but hehe.. i have
friends 33 or so
years younger than
me.. as i still haven’t
figured out how to
have peer
friends.. as there
is no age.. gender..
nationality.. religion
or other persuasion
that makes the
less real to me..
So.. see ya later
friend.. and may the
force continue to be
with you.. me.. and
all others too.. with
SMiLes of course..:)
Bad Santa Cop.. and..
AKA Human Godzilla.. and..
Good Santa Cop.. and..
Dr. Santa and Mr. Santa..
and his bride of Crazy Santa..
and to all my friends.. and perhaps
a few foes perusing.. Merry Christmas
And Best New Wishes to ya.. this is yoUr card..
all i have left after ALL THOSE WORDS.. and sure
i’ve got some dance coming Saturday Night.. for some
other frolicking friends.. perhaps..wink emoticon
And yes.. this is where we get married..
approximately 26 years ago..
ON February 21st of 1990
after ‘hooking up’ ALL around
the 21st of September 1989..
was a very good year and still is now..
of course.. wRite on course.. as destiny
still awaits.. always now.. yes.. on course..wink emoticon
AdditionAlly.. tonight is the Eve of the First Full Moon Christmas..
since 1977.. also birth year of friend Shawna.. i think that is
significant in some way.. but i’ll have to give it some
more intuitive imaginative procesSinG to come up
with something new.. but anyway.. more fun
Christmas photos coming to my latest blog
post.. Birth of LiGht.. and Let’s Keep the
LiGht going.. as Love please..
as i’d reAlly Love not to have
you on my Bad Santa.. Naughty
List.. hehe..wink emoticon
‘GodsUniVerseNovel’.. yes.. that’s a Novel title that works..
‘Novel Blog Post(s)’ are fairly common but Novels in Free
Verse about God.. are rare.. and sure.. special.. for Instance
the Koran.. that is comprised of about 2,000 different words
is around 80,000 words.. in total length.. and the New Testament
has around 128,000 words.. many of the same stories repeated
in a different way of course.. as well… but sure decades and
centuries to totally make in printed form.. revised as is
for today now.. in all the languages
those titles come in
in syntax
and semantics
of human sign
language.. AKA
Words of human
being Collective
that become
the sign language
of emotional human
language to collect
and record as
to change..
but hey.. change
is reality.. change
is now.. and there is
no reality but now so
far for anyone who lives
now.. so to celebrate now
is a real way to alive in greater
mindful awareness simply now
or sure.. in what may seem like
this complex way.. but it is
free flowing
from Subconscious
creative mind only
needing the song
of a keyboard
to make
the flow
of zone
real in Fred
way here..
unique it is
and a non-repeatable
human Unique finger
print of ART.. all free
free as God who
will never
be chained
as concrete
in block
in squares
and angles
of human thinking
as feeling Angels
come alive in human
imagination and creativity
set free in the eYes of human
Art that match God’s eYes of
Nature best when set free
to make something
truly different
as Life NOW!..
PersonAlly i would Love
to read everyone’s own personal
GodsUniverseNovel.. as i see
God as ALLONE..
in all of dArk and
LiGht and fear no pArt of God..
either real or imaginary.. sure
except for heights.. but
that is an inborn trait
of mine.. for staying
alive.. as falling
can really hurt..
particularly if one
weighs 230LBS and up..
as yes.. the bigger they are
the harder they fall..
i float like a feather
in agility and balance
on a fairly even terrestrial plane..
including sand.. to even reduce
my chances of falling more over
the course of a lifetime.. yes.. walking
tall and upright is a place to be.. over
the course of a lifetime.. but i digress..
and that is great as Microsoft Word tales me..
i need about a thousand words to make it to the
40,000 official writer entry level to Novel Length..
And for some reason i really wanna finish this Novel
in the thirteen days to Christmas starting on December 13th..
’cause hey.. 12 days of Gifts has already been done..
and this is my Gift to God on Christmas Day..
just because it is.. and i like celebrating all
nows as ya kNow.. and this is a very
special 13 day Novel Blog Post
for God of Nature.. from me
and all my friends who
inspire me along this
13 day Novel
Journey of
Blogging for God here now..
And while originally.. i planned
on including tomorrow’s rave dance
in this last installment of the Trilogy of Free
verse Chapters that include “Last and First
Verses of GOD”.. “SonG oF mY soUL.. and
there are enough Christmas photos today..
already to end with this last installment
named “Birth of LiGht.. yes.. ending
at my Mother’s Home.. who sets me
on a Journey of Love.. at a very young age..
before i can speak.. yes.. the value of a Mother’s Love..
beats all stuff in life.. from the Birth of LiGht at Birth..
even more than Rave Dance.. so yes..
a Mother’s Love Trumps it all..
without a dam Toupee..
with SMiLes and wInks
more.. hmm.. does the
flow feel like a thousand
words yet… i really don’t
know as i feel the words
as i go.. they always seem
new from start to finish and
surprise me when they arrive
on the page.. and surprise me
even more when i come back to
read and often see many meanings
past the first glance as they hit the
page.. truly stream of consciousness
free verse writing.. is an amazing gift
that hits me about twice in life before
an amazing Spark starting in March
of 2013.. that has not been put out
yet.. in over three million words in
this Word Press Blog and more
than that.. the five months
over at my Blogger
before i
start here on
Word Press..
but sparks before
include a Christmas
story back around 1973
for two home rooms in
middle school.. when i
win the award for best
and i seriously had
no idea those
words could
come out
of my hands
and a desert
of the Christian
patriarchy way of
my red state community
takes my art away.. as boys
neither are allowed to art or
smile.. as dead heart souls
are the Christian Soldier
way still then
for males
yes.. sadly
still in the
70’s even after
the Beatle’s sing their
Song “Love IS ALL YOU NEED”..
Well.. Love without Art and smiles
is not much REAL HUMAN
CHALLENGES to fulfill our built in Human DNA
God Of Nature given potentials..
So much talent in the Universe
within of the Human Being..
so much wasted in
a lifetime of Human
being when
by the
rules of
prison and
so much more to be
with the higher power of
God within.. explored.. found..
and practiced anew as human
being free.. holding hands in Love
and Peace.. Moving.. Connecting
Creating Free with Imagination
to be a gift of GOD
that Human
truly can
now in however we
can and will express
that as Human art
of mind and body
balance.. in soUL
of being.. with
heARt of emoTioN
expresSinG that
SonG oF SoUL
as sPiRit NOW
so free so free we
can be when Free with
God WinGs sOaRinG ever
hiGher with no limits
and expectations
of the chains
of human
We as God’s
Ocean UniVerse
oh yeah..
the other
time before
an age of
53 in a 40
year desert
without human
free verse then
is at age 18.. in
Philosophy class
with an Instructor
named Hunt.. who
inspires me with his
free verse words.. and
Words of God come to
me in Universal Nature way
no different truly than in the
vision quests of my Cherokee
and Sioux ancestors in this New
world place away from my English..
French.. Irish.. German,, and Spanish
ancestors in Old World before.. wheEe
Nature is lush and resources are plentiful
here in the Green Forests with Fresh Waters
of the North American Continent.. this is the
new Israel.. as metaphor in another human
bible.. there is no doubt that this is
the freest place
where human
lives on
this planet
now.. and God’s
way is always Free
make no mistake.. God
is Free and so are we.. when
wild and free as God’s children
once again.. reborn as NOW ALIVE..:)
And i’ll end with a slightly revised
version.. of the first words of my
Free Verse Spark a day before
March 1st of 2013.. with
one person who
me at a time
where i had
zero friends
online.. my only
friend on Facebook
then.. in a conversation
with me in a routine private
Message.. just shooting the
breeze and like magic these
words come to me.. and truly
the are a microcosm of all the
three million plus words since
then.. that comprise this Word
Press Blog now.. since
August of
about the word
sparked me
when she
her experience
with that and the
rest comes here
again.. the lesson
from pain becomes
free again as me here…
i think i was born as
a kind of Classical Pantheist..
as i saw patterns and connections
in things that were more of my thinking
process, along with the tactile sensory world..
than what I think most people may experience
as an internal dialogue of thought…
i still have a vivid memory of
connection to everything in
the world.. as if i had been
here forever.. before i was
able to speak that i cannot
fully put into words.. from
about age 3 looking out
into the distance over
the river i grew up next to..
But i think in some ways i knew more
about my existence then than i do now..
as i could not separate myself from what
seemed like a very old home of nature…
i am glad i had the opportunity to roam
desolate pristine beaches as a teenager
and young adult.. without any fear..
and feeling one in being with the
waves.. white sand..
emerald green
gulf.. sea oats
and sea gulls..
with no dramas
in my head…
But even my ancestors
could not experience that with
not being sure where their next meal
was going to come from… Not likely that
many creatures in the Universe could
experience a little slice
of nirvana like that…
i can remember
getting back into
my car and being
jolted back into the
reality of all that is the
complexity of modern culture..
which at that point in time was so..
so limited as compared to today..
i was never quite the same after
home computers come along..
as i drifted further and
further from a
home of nature..
The people i dealt with
in the public at that time..
in what was a “Cheers” like environment..
was also a slice of nirvana… Cigarette filled..
but the emotional contagion of a hundred human
beings that are happy that i had the privilege to serve
and make even happier.. equaled the nirvana of the
walks on the sun-filled beaches..
i loved my exquisite
sensory experience of life…
It was worth not being able to
touch man made texture without
goose bumps and an incredible feeling of discomfort.
When i see Landon Bryce’s book “I Love My Own Autistic
Self”, the little guy on the front is how i usually felt inside
that people could only see in the gleam of my eyes…
People often told me they wished they had what it was
i had.. or wanted some of the drugs i was taking.. but
i had no idea what they were talking about
because there was nothing i wanted
but to exist, for so many years…
It was a powerful feeling that
no one’s negativity could take
away from me.. not even when
the rest of the world told me i
was not one of their kind…
Sorry.. that was quite a tangent..
but it is kind of therapeutic for me..
i hope you don’t mind…
My point i started off
with was religion and
Classical Pantheism..
which is all of nature
and science for me..
the cultural complexity
of what has come from human
collective intelligence.. including
all the strange oddities.. even the strangest
of religious cults and beliefs.. But most of all
the reality of that beach those waves.. and those
grains of sand.. that do not exist without me…
A gift.. a wonderful gift that was provided by
my father and mother.. and their ancestors
where there could be no break in the chain
of events of human struggle that all my
ancestors experienced to survive and reproduce..
and their rodent ancestors about 75 million years ago..
and all the other ancestors not identified and material
substances that came together to make that possible..
from the origin of what is.. whatever is.. is..
That one point that i can only abstractly
define because of the human collective
intelligence that provides the map
to what can be described.. as one
point that we all share that can
never be disconnected.. as long as we exist…
Wow.. i just realized that sounds kind
of like the intro to the “Big Bang
Theory” TV show…
And relatively speaking
the knowledge that i gained
that this is one sliver of conscious
existence and what really is a little slice
of heaven for some that do exist..
considering just the benefit of
a warm soft bed.. a hot shower..
and things now considered so mundane
that took billions of years to come into
existence that were not here a little
over a century ago.. Like toilet paper…
But i could never experience that connection
of what is.. any stronger than when i was three..
i have everything and everyone before me to
thank for that experience… Including collective
intelligence and the understanding of that
one point that still exists in all of us
and everything else…
i never met a stranger..
not even a grain of sand on the beach…
But i did not feel a category.. a religion.. a race
or even a gender for myself.. which at least for me
enhanced the ability to find a friend in that grain of sand…
i suppose it is the immune system issues and chronic pain
that has taken some of that gleam out of my eyes.. but it still
exists in the eyes in what i perceive of the anthropomorphic
expression of the cat in my face book photo…
Who at 18 years old is likely closer to the
wisdom of that three-year-old child that
only exists in my memory and pictures…
i sense that type of wisdom requires
no human intelligence at all
beyond the core that is shared…
i think it can be lost so much easier
in a human into a little sliver of hell
somewhere outside that balance of heaven..
Particularly in lives where instant gratification
has become the norm…
i am at the service of
my fully inside cat..
but he has never
had that gleam in
his eyes.. or the
same struggles to survive…
The yellow cat in my Google plus
avatar on the “Autistic Hoya” website..
was a feral cat that only knew struggles
in his several years of life behind our house in the woods..
He became my emotions after chronic pain had removed them from
my existence… He gained a gleam in his eyes of gratitude to have
a balance in his life when we allowed him
a place to gain predictable subsistence.
An identical yellow cat that likely is his offspring..
younger and stronger appears intermittently out
of the woods and started to injure our now neutered
cat.. racking up $200 dollar vet bills..
every other week so the once
feral cat has now been forced
to become a fully inside cat…
i am watching him slowly
lose that gleam in his eyes..
with the call of the wild slowly
drifting away.. along with all the
likely incredible sensory experiences
that come with an outdoor world that
the other cat that never gets injured in fights
at age 18.. can still fully experience…
As i sit outside toward the back of
my yard, in the afternoon sun.. he is
pacing back and forth politely..
still with a humility of respect
for a place of subsistence that
keeps him from tearing the screen of the patio.
Perhaps if he could speak and let me know in words..
what i was taking away from him.. i would listen.
But i cannot bear the thought of additional bloody
wounds on his face… But still i remember what it
means to have that connection and balance…
When i watch him pace back and forth..
it is one of the few things in life
that will bring a tear to my eye
that reminds me that i too am still connected..
Other than that.. it could be just a word like Synesthesia..
that seems to trigger something in my brain letting the brakes
off the logic to move into figurative space..
At least for me.. even one word
can be a gift that leads me
to a place in words that i don’t often visit…
Kind Autistics Taking In Everything
Mindful in Awareness
Autistic Love
And the Science of Kindology
An Ideological First Identity