Hi.. gigoid.. Thanks for stopping by.. i enjoy continuing to pursue and challenge the limits of my human nature.. And ha! The result is here.. And it surprises me.. And for me at least that’s real magic.. Happy Holidays.. Friend.. gigoid..:)! Thanks my friend.. For the encouraging words.. i will continue to make this magic real and continuously.. Changing..:)! Yes.. i agree.. And accept this axiom #2 for continuing change.. As a blessing and challenge..:)
HI gigoid.. thanks so much for coming by again.. and wading through half the text.. which is quite a feat.. considering it is deep in metaphor and half is around nine thousand words.. no Twitter feeds here.. hehe..
And in visiting the link on your website.. what i see are 7 axioms that in essence of wisdom are all helpful in living a balanced life.. Nice to see some wisdom on blogs.. and ways for positive living.. always a blessing in light when i come across folks like you.. online.. or off.. more often online of course.. as the area i live in.. isn’t exactly known for deeper ways of seeking and finding wisdom.. but never the less there are great exceptions.. where i live too..
i am impressed by your work history.. you must be a very strong person both physically and emotionally to be able to handle all those years in the psych- ward in helping individuals who are both violent to themselves and others.. and of course with great compassion in helping the elderly with special needs as nurse.. as well..
Few people can do these demanding jobs.. and surely folks like you are the unsung heroes who arrive at the trenches everyday for years to get the job done well.. as well as prison guards who live with the darker side of life.. for decades of life.. in helping the less fortunate among us..
Sorry.. that you experience chronic pain.. and truly i am so blessed to escape my pain since the end of July 2013.. ’cause when that type-two Trigeminal Neuralgia started from 2007 to 2008.. the peak pain around the Lent period of my Catholic Church in the Spring of 2008.. that truly was like a dentist drill in eye and ear with no relief in all waking hours..
Along with a synergy of 18 other disorders.. including Sjogren’s Syndrome… Dysautonomia.. Fibromyalgia.. Severe Degenerative Arthritis and Spinal Stenosis.. in my neck along with Congenitally Fused Vertebra..
Severe depression to the point of Anhedonia.. Alexithymia.. Severe Anxiety including PTSD-like Panic attacks.. along with a diagnosis of Asperger’s syndrome at age 47.. and the other disorders.. led to a severe case of Insomnia.. that was so bad.. that even with an alpha blocker.. i could only sleep one hour of shallow sleep for the first 35 out of 40 days.. with zero sleep the last 5 of 40.. and truly then at that point… i found out there are some experiences in life beyond any imagination of death in life.. it was death as life.. worse than death after life..
Anyway.. after somehow finding my way to a bridge.. without the strength to get out of the car to jump off it.. my sister saved me at the bottom of the bridge.. and threatened to kill us both driving 80 miles an hour on a country road.. and that is not what i wanted.. so i agreed to go the hospital.. as stubborn as i was about going before that.. and a several milligram shot of Ativan.. put me out of my misery long enough to sleep.. and so Ativan.. was the answer to an escape of sleep.. the entire 66 months of hell from January 2008 to July of 2013.. and i finally escaped that trap of prescription drug.. at the end of July 2013.. as well.. very addictive.. Prescription Ativan.. can be…
And with my eyes not making Tears with the Sjogren’s Syndrome.. which additionally.. was like swimming with my eyes open in salt water.. i spent about two years in a dark room.. with the pain in my eyes and ears.. making effective use of eyes and ears next to impossible.. and finally two years into the pain.. with my monitor turned all the way down.. a few inches from the screen as the increased focus from my near sighted prescription lenses increased the pain fiercely.. i started to type one letter at a time.. starting Thanksgiving day.. 2010.. making a word.. a list of ideas.. and as no doctor’s drugs could help the pain.. this was my only way to attempt to escape the pain in mind.. and to do anything to keep myself from truly going crazy after being locked in my head.. for two years..
So.. a sentence turned into paragraph with a mountain of eye pain.. and then a page.. and yes.. now 11 million words.. and a spark of poetic expression comes my way in March of 2013.. connecting my language and emotions again.. and truly that seems to be the start of a magic healing and recovery.. that eventually led to dance.. and my own free style method of martial arts.. that brought mind and body balance.. emotional regulation.. and sensory integration.. all parts of the problem with Autism as well.. and for the first time in my life.. i felt truly like a whole human being.. with a drastic personality change from a closed-in introvert to a public dancer.. and sure not surprising i am diagnosed Bi-Polar now.. as i might have been one of the most depressed folks in the world then.. but yes.. i am the person everyone sees as the happiest in real life now.. and that is how i feel inside..
So.. i share that emotional energy in words here..
AS.. i know the healing value of emotion in words..
And i know that real miracles can happen for folks like me who lose all feelings and only live pain.. to come back again.. with no pain.. and stronger than ever before.. so yes.. a poetic ending and beginning continuing now my friend.. a place of bliss that before in my life would be another dimension never entered.. but truly the mind and body balance and a continuing practice of free art of movement and free art of writing is just the ALL NATURAL MEDICINE THAT KEEPS ME WELL THEN.. AND NOW.. YEAH.. SURE.. IF I HAD THOUGHT MEDICINAL MARIJUANA OR ANYTHING COULD HAVE HELPED ME AT FIRST I WOULD HAVE TRIED IT.. AS LORD KNOWS I TRIED A LOT OF NATURAL REMEDIES.. AND NONE OF THEM WORKED AT ALL.. But yes.. i watched the video.. on cancer and medicinal Marijuana.. it is fascinating and i plan on doing more research.. and i am so happy you are finding some relief with this all natural cure.. as nature is the best cure i know and feel for all my ills too. as my rheumatologist.. after he tried all his drugs on me.. seriously said.. sorry i cannot do anything for you.. no reason for you to come back.. fortunately for me.. i found the all natural cures that worked for me.. by never ever giving up.. as i Loved Life before and i was determined to Love it again.. it took me 66 months to do it.. but yes.. i did come out of the blackest ashes of life rising like a phoenix on our beautiful beaches here of Northwest Florida on or about.. July 22nd 2013.. a blessing can be life when one keeps moving forward and in my case reverse too.. smiles.. and all around like a ballet dancer/martial arts combo in all innate instinctual and intuitive free style art of human being mind and body balance.. So.. Thanks again.. and Happy Holidays with best wishes.. as.. Oh Lord.. i celebrate everynow like the greatest gift of just being alive.. my friend.. now..:)
Ha.. no you are not the only one seeing significance in the odd numbers from 1 to 13.. gigoid.. i am naturAlly fascinated by numbers.. and before i ever read anything or hear anything about the art of numerology that some folks view as science as well.. i come to many of the same instinctual and intuitive sacred views of numbers in the actual Art and Science of Numerology studied a little later than my first real poetic interests where i even write full poems over the numbers 7 and 11 and yes the even number twelve as well.. Anyway i view the entire reality of us as sacred now.. as i find when i view it all as sacred that is a real step to Unconditional Love.. practiced as well as viewed.. as sure.. Life.. the Journey.. and Paths and never destination or goals alone for me.. ALLONE IS A WAY i see and F E E L. NOW..:)
And it’s really cool that you were a chef too.. my wife might appreciate me more if could cook anything more than microwaving Oatmeal.. smiles and spoiled that way by mother and wife.. sMiles more..:)
Smiles.. My friend.. My God Is no Theist.. alone.. My God is much bigger as Nature.. ALLONE.. That includes Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas alike.. As well as Universal Peace and Love inherent in most of human nature if and when balanced.. And that is great enough for me.. Always now as Simple Life.. Away from all words.. And other material items..:)
Smiles.. gigoid.. interestingly with my form of Autism.. my problem nearly all my life.. as assessed by my Psychiatrist was.. i didn’t have an integrated Ego.. and by the way i understand Ego.. beyond Personalities.. it is one of mind and body balance secure in one’s self.. where truly Ego can also be a metaphor for soul.. as far as personalities go and attachments to the personality we present to others in human connections.. that is where I break from some Eastern Philosophies.. that seek a total separation from that part of Ego.. as i see that part of Ego as Art when used as a tool for Love and Peace.. So i truly believe in that sense of Soul of Ego that human Personality can be a Zen Art of giving Light.. constantly away from dark.. so yeah.. i tend to go my own way.. and share it.. but would truly hate for anyone to ever truly follow anything i say.. (religiously) i rather other folks come up with their own ways that fit their Universe of Individuality as it is the diversity of human i Love most.. all the dark and light i find interesting and ha!.. some of the dArk.. some folks see.. i for one see as the liGhtest pArts of human of All.. like they say different strokes.. different folks.. yes.. a variety of ilks unlike ‘uS’.. smiles.. again..:)
“I can only agree with all of the above; the woman I spoke of in my previous reply to one of your comments, Red Dwyer, has four kids, all of whom are autistic, as she is… in fact, she is an autistic savant, in a plethora of fields of study; when very, very young, she broke through, and completely destroyed, all the barriers the autistic create to protect them from the avalanche of perception in which they often exist; she is the most GROUNDED person, autistic, or “normal” (whatever the fuck THAT means), I have ever met, or known… She is also known as “the human whisperer”, for almost any kind of person with a mental problem. Bipolar, schizophrenic, autistic; she is able to get through to them, and help them learn to deal with whatever their mind is doing to prevent their happiness… As I said, an amazing woman….
I find many of the same qualities in you…. Those who are “autistic” to my mind, merely possess a set of perceptive organs that are a hundred times more sensitive, and powerful than the ordinary human does; they perceive SO MUCH of the universe around them, it is very scary at first, before the mind is capable of processing all of it…. so, most create barriers between themselves and reality; those are the “mis-integrated” ego parts the psychiatrist spoke of … which doesn’t really count, because most psychiatrists have no real understanding of the condition at all. They are convinced it is a ‘problem’ whereas I, having known many autistic people, can say the only problem is for them to learn to handle all they perceive; then, the barriers dissolve, on their own, in my experience…. The condition itself may very well be a mutation, to the next highest evolutionary point for humans.. In short, people who are now called autistic are, probably, by all the evidence I can see, the next stage in human evolution… Once a way to learn to process their perceptions is found, there will be NO further limits to what their minds can accomplish…
As I perceive you, you are caught half-way, between perfect comprehension of self, with a full understanding thereby of human nature, and, the dark ignorance where most of humanity dwells in discontent….”
Smiles.. gigoid.. worth quoting.. i couldn’t have said it any better.. Experience counts more my friend than any textbook of medical science or psychology school ever will.. Love to you and your cat.. friend.. and all of your Loved ones.. Happy Holidays again.. and hope you have an enjoyable training session with your cat..:)
Smiles.. Prajakta.. thanks so much for coming by today.. and glad you enjoyed the beautiful Christmas Lights that my neighbors do employ.. last year we had three polar bears up… a mama.. a baby and a big happy daddy.. my wife’s sister.. sadly was succumbing to cancer.. and she eventually died on Christmas Eve.. and in her last few days the mama polar bear developed a hole somewhere in this inflatable Christmas decoration standing about 6 feet tall.. that we could not find the source of and slowly that polar bear.. fell to the earth completely flat on Christmas Eve.. the night Katrina’s sister Michelle died.. this year we bought a new 6 foot tall mama Polar bear to go up with our existing 8 foot tall sitting huge daddy Polar bear.. but my wife never gained the heart to put her back up.. but sure we had a Christmas wreath.. and a welcome flag of Christmas Spirit to our front door.. so yesterday.. i wore a polar bear shirt that says Chill.. to decorate literally myself.. and with temperatures approaching 80 degrees still this week with December Green Grass that still hasn’t felt a Winter Frost.. it is the spirit that counts.. cool or warm.. as i attempt to stay both warm and cool.. smiles and Winks.. and happy all the now to you friend.. and your new coming husband.. as if i remember correctly.. wedding still coming..:)
With the introduction of Air Conditioning.. loss of front porches.. and screens replacing faces.. blogs are certainly replacing front porches in at least a virtual way.. and that is good.. as who knows/FEELS eventuAlly ‘we’ may be motivated to build front porches in ‘real life’ again.. And i suppose that is wheRe words that are more than facts can lead back to the heARt of human.. again.. When we find that is truly what we share in common.. being human… Being.. And hmm.. i leave religion at the Beach and it stays with me then now as Jonathan Living ston as Seagull Freer now and higher with never a world of words to hold me back from flying free on land alive again.. but sure i come back to words.. as sometimes flying can be poeTry too.. sMiLes and thanks for the free flying inspiration you do sing here..:) There is no doubt in my mind that heARt is real as a metaphor of human FEELING emoTioN.. that spiRit is real as connecting emoTioN to other expresSinG humans and the rest of Nature as inter connect ing Force of ALLTHATIS in what can be m e t a p h o r for GOD and of Human Being SoUls as metaphor for BalanCinG BEinG in MiNd and BoDy ways of regulaTinG emoTioNs and integrating senses in moving Art the way our ancestors capture prey and avoid predators without breaking a leave of sound.. in invisible ways of yes.. again.. now human balance with the rest of Nature in action.. consequence.. either dark or light as positive or negative consequence that comes now or then.. but yes.. the bottom line is we are here.. and sure this is a nice front porch friend to shoot the breeze however the feather may fly in Peace in Love of just floating around and free now.. Anyway considering the stresses of modern mechanical cognition life.. highest rates of suicide in places like South Korea.. where technology reigns highest.. now in the so- called developed world.. now this E-world must find a source of human heARt.. SpiRit and soUl to have any chance of surviving as human BEinG aGaiN.. and poeTry and blogs are a staRt back to human being.. as Lord knows that is wheRe i find my hUman again.. and tHere is meaSure of treaSure kNoWn to humaN being like a free flowing mind and body in balance holding hands in heArt.. SpiRit.. and SoUL in Balance.. at least for me anyWay.. so thanks again for your treasure here.. friend gigoid.. no price to measure human SoUl..:)$ And yeah.. if i wanna find wisdom.. i’ll go see someone who spends decades helping folks in a psych- ward and care center.. verses a monk in a monastery.. or priest or pastor in a seminary.. for sure.. no.. there is nothing dubious about that my friend @ALL.. SMiLes.. Strange is still a home for me.. As stranger.. He He..;)
Yes.. Katrina selects my wardrobe(s).. and there are often ‘hidden’ literal messages that may not be totally understood.. as those meanings.. often have something to do with Katrina..;)
Music times Emotion equals Human Force of Spirit rising.. Yes.. ME=F.. Sadly some folks feel ME is a sin.. But people can be convinced to do almost anything if it means acceptance in the culture one is born in.. Including extremes like female and male genital mutilation.. Cultures are insane and evil.. Not the gift of God.. That is innate human being nature born into this world by God’s Grace.. Anyway.. So happy.. you are not afraid of ME.. Friend.. Rafiah..smile emoticon Oh yeah.. and of course there is the Light Force of Human Emotion and the Dark Force of human emotion.. Light Force being pro-social emotions that lead to social cooperation like Love.. and Dark Force being con-social emotions like Hate that lead to strife.. and sure there are different kinds of Music than enhances the Light side of the Force or Dark side of the Force in accordant or discordant ways.. But we humans who learn to regulate and master our emotions the way of Light.. will naturally feel and know what kind of music takes us higher in the light of pro-social emotions or lower in the dark of con-social emotions.. now and turn the radio station as required.. as all natural wild and free human beings can and will do.. yes when truly set free in mastering their relative free will.. that also includes integrating senses including sensuality.. through the Art of free movement.. that of course is enhanced by music.. now So truly the best formula that now can and will work for human now to master the regulation of their emotions and integration of senses/sensuality can be MED=H as Music times Emotion times Dance = HeArT as Human ART.. yeah sure.. sHeArTs too.. WHeArt best as MED=H.. And that is the Human chemistry/physics lesson today.. N0W For WHeArt..:)
Rafiah edits her smile response on Facebook and indicates the lyrics to the song in a language she understands are translated into English below the song.. as quoted here:
“You’ve taken away my looks, my identity, by just a glance. By making me drink the wine from the distillery of love You’ve intoxicated me by just a glance; My fair, delicate wrists with green bangles in them, Have been held tightly by you with just a glance. I give my life to you, Oh my cloth-dyer, You’ve dyed me in yourself, by just a glance. I give my whole life to you Oh, Nijam, You’ve made me your bride, by just a glance.”
And i say..
Smiles.. i come back for your edited response.. too.. and like i tale you many times.. before here.. all it takes are eyes my friend.. in my opinion.. the most attractive women in the mall are the one’s with the Hijab.. and yes.. there are a lot of Muslim folks in Pensacola.. but fairly rare in my smaller town i live in.. 14 or so miles away..
the most beautiful dark brown eyes i see.. as yes.. i see the soul in the eyes.. and those souls.. perhaps quiet.. but bright my friend.. like you of course.. as sure.. i still remember those eyes.. with smiles.. yes.. your eyes do smile.. and sure my eyes smile too.. quiet.. before.. God takes those eyes away.. and puts them in words instead.. for now.. at least..:)
Hmm.. more deep deep wordy Facebook memories.. from a year ago..:)
And sure.. why not add the ‘Master Chief Aghogday’ link from a year ago Christmas.. as of course this comments section from the post SonG of my SoUL.. WiLL eventuAlly be my next post named the “Birth of LiGht”.. and truly Christ is the LiGht of pro-social Human Emotions with Love Leading the way of the Courageous.. Kind.. and Passionate Unconditional Way.. yes.. LiGht is Literally Human Pro-Social EmoTioNs.. as one can come to understand that in ‘those days’.. human emoTioNs that are still now poorly understood by the Psychiatric Field in the way pro-social emotions lift human cooperation and con-social emotions bring humans down.. as truly a literal Spiritual lifting of Energy as Light Force and Lowering Spiritual Energy of DArk Force are even.. then.. 2K years ago.. less understood in terms of science words in the time of the man Yeshua.. among many other translations for this man’s historical name.. like the the Muslim one of Isa.. So now.. we get all these deep poetic words in the New Testament that attempt to describe the Light Force and how it works better for human social cooperation.. and somehow instead of seeing this as a way of pro-social emotions to make life better now.. folks turn it into a story about after death.. in twisting the story around to see this natural world we live in as evil.. and death as the goal.. instead of life in living now.. and hell no.. that is only for control.. to make people accept the subservient rules of the cold hearted dark force people ruling the world by cultural rules of subjugation through illusory fears and promise of heaven after life.. where heaven and hell exist on this plane of earth literally now in dark and light ways of human emotions that are truly energy and force that move us together as a unifying pro-social positive force or separating con-social negative force.. and the best way to control human being force and energy is of course to repress and oppress in ways of limiting our all natural ways of being as very emotional sensory and sensual feeling human beings who live through this liGht force well above any power of reasoning and logic of worry over the illusory past or future.. where now is and as always will be the only reality we have for now.. so.. so truly as hard as it might be for smarty pants to believe.. and trust me i lived in those smart pants for many decades.. is.. the most advanced way of human being still has not changed in tens of thousands of years.. of dancing naked around the campfires and moonlit ways of night.. with drums chanting songs.. and flutes of reeds.. that sing a human spiRit HeArt of emoTions expresSinG higher and higher.. N0W.. iN human ways of miNd and BoDy balanCinG SoUL.. no different reAlly than the SonG my Muslim friend Rafiah shares with me earlier in this post.. of men singing and beating drums along with another musical instrument.. about the joy of connecting eyes of Human Love.. the greaTest Power Human WiLL ever TRULY FEEL TOGETHER AS ONE TRIBE OF CHILDREN OF THE GOD OF NATURE FREE.. And SURE with technology we continue to expand the liGht of the vocal chords and throat now that are voice of SonG.. first now then through reeds of flutes as throat.. and strings of guitars.. as vocal chords.. where percussion of hammers on strings become piano.. and now electronic music that goes higher and higher on a spiritual level not even possible with human voice alone.. truly God’s Voice SinGs in aLL moving pArts of God’s being of Infinity through the vibrations of all pArts of God’s bEinG makes now as Infinity still SinGs a SonG of dance to tHis moment now and beyond.. and when we enhance this SonG of God iN ways of higher and higher liGht.. wE increase the LiGht of God as well.. and obviously as whole make God Happier too.. so sure with Music.. Emotions.. and Dance we raise GOD up higher.. what better way to worship GOD of ALLTHATiS when we Stars of UniVerse become Stars of God as BriGhter LiGhter Dancing SinGinG Human beInGs of God.. no different really than our naked ancestors dancing wildly and freely around those moonlit campfire nights.. beating drums while the vibration of GOD SinGs hiGher WitH uS as truLy we become archangels in choir with US WITH GOD NOW.. AROUND GREATER AND GREATER STARS OF GOD AS LIGHT oF US iNOW.. And that my friends iS a real Tree of Life worth coming to living and staying now.. just iNow.. N0W wITh tHe liGhts of God Living Free and wild in our eYes and rest of our bodies too.. free so free.. WheRe the ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ trUly are/were a SonG and dance of US iN the MagicK MusicK of Us now.. jUSt N0W.. And yes.. iT works.. and i document what it does for ME always now.. to prove it in literal ways too.. so yeah.. the answer iN that video about Jesus Christ Super Star was/iS inherent in the SonG oF Dance Of the SonG of Christ LiGht itself inherent in uS n0w when expresSinG LiGht as WeLL as NOW.. JUST NOW..:)
SMiLes.. evening heArt gLows horizon Art coming up iN human eyEs HeArt expresSinG eYes soUl WeLL.. matching dreams flAMe hiGher as lovely hands now iN StarliGht streets of hUman FeeLinG SpiRit BeInG.. So..now comes heArts feeLinG anniversary.. one year words healing.. and this gift of poem.. now complete 1 as 3 is my anniversary gift.. to your words of beInG.. my dear friend.. Himali.. In reference to your question on your page about when my blog anniversary is.. SMiLes.. i have three blog anniversaries.. really.. first one on the Wrong Planet.. where i actually wrote about 8 million words.. before leaving there.. still recorded in my author log on that Wrong Planet.. starting on November 26th.. of 2010.. a little over 5 years ago.. then March 10th of 2013.. on my first blogger blog.. and then in August of 2013.. when i started on Word Press.. so i actually have three anniversaries a year.. in different ways.. but hey.. everynow is an anniversary iN celebration of life for me.. as i was once am dead in life for 66 months.. where everynow of life must be a celebration for me.. as i have no way of seeing it other than that for now.. my friend.. and in expanding that thought/feeling here as well of now on this pAge.. on thIS day.. muggy and warm in Northwest FL.. wHere Air Conditioning is on to cool the home.. and keep my hands moving without sweat of brow.. i Thank God for allowing me to continue living past that day that surely seemed the end of me at the bottom sleepless lent period of 40 days in hell.. Spring of 2008.. God allows me to stay a while longer to learn.. and feel.. to become briGhter in Truth and Light and share what i find and feel more about GOD with the rest of the world who cares to share that with me.. and truly if more humans who have become disabled by life.. as death as life.. and live again.. can bRing tHeir liGht to the world as Truth as Well.. perhaps Love and hope will be the Rule of LiGht and the dArk of fear and hate that takes us to this place of LiGht’s Love will fade away into the distance of Twilight as Light again rules before the Apple of hate and fear then.. Love is THE way i for one WiLL always Choose for Now..A water fAll of LiGht..:)
Well.. before the Word Press Version of this gets mega long.. i will stop here.. with less than 5000 words or about that many.. and ha! when if first do a 6 thousand word post.. named Revelation 66 as linked here..
Brian Miller names it ha! the Mother of All Blog posts.. the only one from dVerse brave enough with the effort and patience to comb through it.. to offer any response at all.. and his response to my one question at the end of that blog post is
Always equally valid and that answer of the Ages to all of human real issues is that of Love.. Love will find a way if grown as a garden of Love.. and that is an all hands effort.. or these human ships will surely sink in much more dark of human suffering and pain…
More photos from a midnight celebration of the Birth of Jesus.. Christmas Day family events.. and 90th Rave dance when the dance of that ends.. at Old Seville.. Quarter with all the cool college age folks dancing there early on Sunday morning here around 3 am.. as i ready myself for Catholic Church again.. sure.. many more photos coming soon.. but for now at least this post will be a much easier opening one for some folks now.. before i post the rest of this on my blogger blogs on Sunday then now..:)
Hi gigoid.. Love to you as well.. from Katrina and i.. on this really muggy foggy super warm night in North Florida.. wheRe the young folks are hanging around the River Boardwalk with just their swimming trunks on…
One can imagine it like the middle of Summer.. still with rising rivers as well.. from all these Gulf inspired rains we’ve been deluged with lately.. but still no Noah.. size.. Floods coming so all is great where i live.. coming back from even more stores on Christmas eve.. a little break here now before midnight mass..
And so nice again to see your kind and encouraging words.. and the best thing about human suffering.. pain.. and misery.. is if it is hell enough.. one can see better why folks do the things they do on the other side of the darker fences of life..
instilling greater empathy as compassion for other folks.. who are not nearly as fortunate as others.. including the rest of Nature too.. hmm.. even potentiAlly gaining the empathy of 14.5 billion years..
Anyway.. i am so happy that you made it through your tremendous challenges in life as well.. and am glad to connect to you in this blogosphere UniVerse too.. as we carry on LiGht and Truth.. into 2016 and beyond.. with kind wishes and Love for all concerned..
Living and Existing on this terrestrial plane for now.. for all the dark and light that comes.. and read your post earlier.. that i found extremely interesting.. off to comment on that next.. during this in-between midnight mass break..:)
Smiles.. you are making perfect sense my friend.. in the perfect of Nature that is Art instead of Science alone.. no less than scriptures that would set a man aside from all other men.. as more special then the rest.. where the man himself in those same reported scriptures will be humble enough to suggest that others will come after him who do much greater works then he..
Jesus.. the man.. is no more than a homeless man.. as Lord knows when i come across homeless folks under and around bridges.. as i dance walk across the states from Biloxi Casinos to Pensacola Beaches.. the folks who get what i see as an all natural message from Jesus seeing God as all of Nature.. are walking that Carpenter’s desert of Jesus now..
And having the time away from material excesses of culture to look within and find the answers inside no different than what truly seems to be the homeless Carpenter Jesus.. with his similarly free minded friends.. named Apostles.. in following this man’s way.. then..
And sure.. eventually Roman Emperor Constantine and his Catholic Cohorts.. in 325 AD.. make him into a false God separated from other human beings.. in accordance with the Mithra Religion at that time in history.. in that region of the Roman Empire.. and special above all humans.. when the same scriptures suggest that the meek will inherit the earth.. and the Rich Man will not find heaven here on Earth..
And the Truth as far as i can see.. for other folks like Mark Zuckerberg.. who does not give a crap about being the richest dude in the world.. and will give away 99% percent of his so-called riches to bring up those less fortunate in the world for equal access to opportunities.. is a real example of the person.. i know and FEEL as Jesus..
Doing stuff his way.. the way of Nature.. and in the case of Zuckerburg.. away from school as well.. where dreams are brought to fruition.. in practice of taking the human race higher.. than they are yesterday.. connecting the souls of the World on Facebook.. and Google and other folks.. like Mark.. expanding free blogs.. and whomever created the Word Press platform.. as well.. these are the worker Bees and yes.. some drones who will never reproduce and haven’t the slightest care to either.. as far as little humans go..
But what they do is move.. connect and create greater avenues for the human race to march forward.. holding hands together.. as the only way a world of humans who are only evolved to connect to 150 to 200 sets of eyes will ever do that.. is through a watered down electronic virtual reality of connections around the world.. in terms of not Hundreds.. but Billions of human beings..
Reach out and touch someone on a smartphone.. is no less incredible than the hand held devices of Star Trek.. and in some ways can do so much more than even dreamed of when it is just science fiction and now coming greater to fruition as we speak.. in higher and higher ways of connecting both hemispheres of earth and neurons like humans together.. for one Mind of World.. with limitless avenues inside.. for different as well…
Yes.. we live in a brave new world.. And we always have.. now.. as long as we adapt and change.. and remember.. we are flesh and blood.. mind and body beings.. progress will be the way.. instead of stagnation unto yesterday separated from the reality of the ever changing Art and Science of NOW..
Truly an exciting time for the open-minded among us to sing our song.. and truly a terrifying time for the very closed-minded among us.. and sure that shows in the phenomena of Trump.. who Truly is the last hold-out in Nuclear Option to say OH NO.. PLEASE DON’T GO WHERE NO HUMAN HAS GONE BEFORE.. well.. with freedom of Information that we have around the world now.. The Truth and Light is compelling and contagious.. Hard work.. with blood.. sweat.. tears.. and other stuff IS STILL COMING STRONG.. but there is LiGht at the end of the tunnel.. and as far as i can see.. it is not a train but a Loving and Peaceful way of moving.. connecting and creating.. freer than ever before.. that is the Light of Love and Truth of Wisdom as Nature will have human as a balance of Art and Science as Nature shows herself to be now and now again.. this whole thingie is connected and what will come.. will come as a cooperative effort and never under the guise of one word.. one book.. one human.. or one country Alone.. as ALLONE is the True way of the LiGht of the UniVerse and the liGht shall have her way..:)
Reverence for Nature.. wheRe a spider is seen as an ‘important person’ too.. ah.. refreshing it is to see and feel that.. now.. as there is surely not enough reverence these days for the rest of Nature.. as folks breeze through their metallic and plastic lives.. rarely touching the gRains of Earth between tHeir toes of Love..
And this reminds me of the noble Wolf.. who when domesticated will get angry at humans.. but when free and wild in Nature rarely bothers humans.. and of course in the past where lambs are easy prey.. they become the evil one.. but sure they are just doing tHeir job for survival..
As the Wolf Spider does as well to make a living.. and yes.. it also reminds me of ‘Dracula’ too.. and what we will do for the price of Love.. as sure Love is important to die for and kill when absolutely necessary.. as history shows is the sad reality of human life too.. so many nows away from eye to eye of Peace and Love.. yes.. in reference to the Newest ‘Dracula’ movie on the big screen.. where Dracula is willing to lose his soul for the one’s he loves.. after already being a fearless and ferocious human soldier for the Love of Country and Family wHere wars are won for Love and Freedom instead of Material items like Oil and fake Gods alone.. away from Nature as God ALLONE..
To the smallest of creatures the eYes of balance.. the bees of pollination and the food of life.. with dragon flies of beauty and meek roaches who are often hated the most.. still inheriting the earth from millions of years ago.. now… with humans only a speck of dust in history yes.. on this planet now.. in a relative way…
But still we all share that point of origin.. or origins.. or whatever comes before.. so truly if we are in the know and feel of Unity.. there is no separation.. where a Spider’s life is no less important than any other grain of sand that holds the feet of us secure as earth…
Just to be pArt of it..
makes it all worth it to me friend..
Just to move.. connect.. and create.. with all these creature comforts happily and fiercely provided by the ‘drones’ of life.. makes all of us birds.. bees.. and grains of sand.. fortunate to be here now.. where truly this is perhaps.. the best of all UniVerse heavens for those who experience that way of human existence on this terrestrial plane for now.. and for those of us who have lived or seen real human hell.. the gratitude for the blesSinGs shaRing is both priceless and worth shArinG.. from the Life of the Wolf Spider.. to the big Wolves oF life.. my friend.. and Happy LiGht with Truth Holidays to ya.. alWays now my friend in the gift of Now as ultimate human present.. Yes.. Peace and Love to ya friend.. and Best New wishes alWays NOW.. as NEW..:)
SMiLes.. my friend.. thEre is a saying of YOLO.. You Only Live Once.. and of course seize the day.. Carpe Diem.. iN my mind/feeling of mind and body balanCinG SoUl.. therE iS only YOLN.. You Only Live Now and Seize the Now.. as Holynows.. giving the present of Holynows.. in the free verse form of PoeTry.. Prose.. and Dance iN trUly.. A SonG of mY SoUL expresSinG SpiRit Now of emoTioNS Free wherever Now takes me next.. give me three feet to spiral the pArts of my body free in mind and body balance and in that Relative Free WiLL.. Bio- feedback bRings.. along with lifting music of modern humans iN all of what modern technology bRings liGht and Truth of my mindful awareness climbing higher and higher in a Peaceful Loving way.. wheRE no now is same as the one before.. with Valleys and Mountains of human experience only to come different now.. theRe is truly not only infinity above to skies that never end as stars.. tHere is truly that infinity as well.. iN our neurons in their connections.. in the Vagal Nerve that carries feelings from Brain to Gut that some folks metaphor as Kundalini Serpent.. receptors all throughout our human body in what might be termed an infinite potential for connections of metaphor of FEELING human Chakras from top of head to bottom of toes.. to arms.. to fingers above so below.. inside.. outside.. all around.. truly we human animals are a reflection of the Universe as Nature as Metaphor for God as well.. and we can either expand and spiral around the calm center bliss of us.. or fall into the deep abyss that can be a human Black Hole Sun.. but sure that Black Hole Sun.. once experienced.. can be the inspiration that spirals us higher than ever before.. truly we are the cosmos unto itself.. as the great philosopher/scientist Carl Sagan suggests.. and on my class ring from the three college degrees i earned in Health Science.. Anthropology.. and Social Sciences Interdisciplinary that only gained me access into the working world in a Military Bowling Center.. for the one class i had in computer science as the Bowling Alley world then is gaining computers.. and needing that knowledge greatly from folks in College as well.. to pass out shoes to dirty feet as one of the most humble jobs of all that i did for almost two decade as responsibilities increased.. Yes.. on my ring is the quote from our University of West Florida humble logo.. and motto of “Build thee more Stately Mansions” from Oliver Wendall Holmes.. where this humble sea creature spends its life building a shell that in form will mirror the Milky Way that is our bigger home above so below.. So yes.. my friend.. i continue to build my Nautilus Shell so after i am cremated a work of Art like that shell will be left behind.. for anyone who cares to discover it.. no less free of cost.. than digging through the sediments of the Earth and finding a Shell of the Galaxy my friend.. aLL i kNow is the truly free human spirit.. when now more fully moving.. connecting.. and creating.. is a work of Art and REAL magic.. that continues to make the greaTest Nautilus Shell.. that is becoming the Google Shell now.. and i feel fortunate and blessed to add a verse to this new technological form of Human Multi-verses holding hands together.. as long as servers live.. in my humble part as part of the whole my friend.. ever growing.. ever expanding.. no longer held back by those who might Love their Black Hole Suns more than expanding stars of eYes and feeling.. and yes.. i do type around 130 words a minute when properly focused.. and read one of my longest posts in a few minutes.. but sure this Nautilus knows and feels no word of quit now AS less than Holynows.. smiles.. not many people can handle all of what i can do.. it is a blesSinG to come across those who do.. and i for one.. will be unstoppable as long as i believe in now.. my friend.. see ya later.. in Novel ways of Now.. haha! literAlly too..;)
miles.. my friend Zee.. so nice of you to visit me in my little corner of the E-World on Christmas Day of 2015.. Love is Lovely my friend.. where Love exists and Peace reigns is wHere i WiLL to be.. and when Peace and Love Holds hands across borders of differences we humans finAlly determine that yes.. we are all humans and Truly all Children of God who do have the potential to hold hands regardless of the words and experiences that bRinG us this far in life.. my friend.. i for one see a very sweet soul in your words.. and that my friend is all i need to know and feel about you as the real deal of Peace and Love.. my friend.. so sure.. i heARt you too.. with sMiLes.. for now..:)
SMiLes.. again.. thanks my friend for the Winter Wishes.. failing to find that Winter yet.. but sure as in all stuff axiom #2 for continuous change.. change will have her way eventuAlly and that is a Thanks of Change from me as well.. i come from deep deep religious stock.. my Grandfather an Irish Immigrant.. a priest at the Vatican.. then South Africa.. then Catholic Priest at a Parish in Taylor County Florida.. where he at age 36 cannot resist the temptation of the eYes then.. of my 17 year old Cajun Grandmother who is obviously the spice of life that bRing great change to him and of course Leads to me.. so sure.. Thanks God of Nature for folks who follow axiom #2 for change and refuse to follow the footsteps of the rules before.. so then.. he becomes a noted author.. converting Catholics left and right to the Protestant way of church as an Evangelist across countries.. and also editing a Converted Catholic Magazine in New York New York.. and interestingly actually having Dinner with Einstein.. a fellow outlier in the Socialist Party then.. and writing one particularly noted book named.. “Behind the Dictators” indicting the Catholic Church scathingly.. now available on Google in PDF for free.. my Grandfather truly a foe of the Catholic Church then.. but me ha! nah! human Nature in all its diverse ways.. in all the cultural ways of expression of essences true or false.. does not scare me.. i understand the human Nature of the mind who fears verses the mind that frees.. and yes that axiom #2 is the best pArt.. as i for one believe when we unpack our genetic epigenetic potential in challenge of our environments we just about can create whomever we wanna create as us.. as BY the God of Nature we share almost all the same DNA potential where even a weak 120 LB.. 5 foot 10 string bean of a young man in school can eventually leg press close to a half-a-ton.. 25 times.. still getting stronger at age 55.. So sure my friend the magic lives inside all gifted by the God of Nature and for those who move ahead instead of staying behind beyond the skies the limit in minds and bodies of us.. brought my laptop with me to the family outing on Christmas day.. scores of folks arriving.. time to turn off and tune back in to flesh and blood my friend.. my next blogging adventure after completing the “Birth of LiGht” post that will comprise over eleven thousand words before that is said/ finished by Sunday.. then i will join the three posts “Last and First Verses of God” “SonG of mySoUL”.. and ‘Birth of LiGht”.. as one blog post named ‘Novel Blog Post’ that will comprise 40+ thousand words and yes literally will be a ‘Novel Blog Post’ and without making this connection with you.. truly it would not likely be possible to accomplish that by Sunday to write that ‘novel’ iN about a week.. Life is Good and Now iS better my friend.. Gigoid.. now.. but i will have to reduce the total number of photos so Word Press and my Google Blogger blogs do not ban me for not being human.. as Algorithms have attempted to do in the past.. for volume of photos and odd word play that only an ‘imitation game’ of a human could do.. but sure i am real friend.. and Real is the best Human nows of all.. WitH imagination for creativity fully employed as a beautiful practice of Art as well of course wRite on course.. for now my Friend..:)
Hi Leah.. thanks so much for thinking of me and dropping me a line on this Christmas day of 2015.. and perhaps when you get over that nasty flu bug.. we will talk a little bit.. about your namesake for Star Wars when the New Year comes.. but anyway.. as they say it is the thought that counts and a nice Christmas Greeting is always a thought i like.. for now.. and yes.. best New Year’s wishes to you and your husband as well.. without the flu bug to keep you offline in a multi- Universe of Google eYes.. hear now.. sMiLes..:)
And yes.. to digress.. now.. so many years my mother gets cards from friends of years gone past.. and i have none.. zero.. as work takes all friends away from me in Christmas Connections for decades.. and i wonder if i will have any like my Mother does.. as i really like people so much but just don’t know how to get them to like me.. of course i could barely talk then.. just smiling eyes is mostly all.. and yes.. i talk now too much.. too long too fast.. but hey in this big blue brown green orb that is a global way of connection now even a person as outlier as me.. can at least find a handful of Christmas greetings that mean the world to me.. short or long my friend.. true it is the thought and feelings that count most.. better expresSing that of course.. and this year.. i notice there are no Christmas Cards posted around her home.. something i never really thought about.. so i don’t know when they started drifting away but the fact is all her friends are dead.. she outlived them all.. and as luck will have it.. as many people in my family live to be close to one-hundred years this may be my fate too.. then.. but hehe.. i have friends 33 or so years younger than me.. as i still haven’t figured out how to have peer appropriate friends.. as there is no age.. gender.. nationality.. religion or other persuasion that makes the word friend less real to me.. So.. see ya later friend.. and may the force continue to be with you.. me.. and all others too.. with SMiLes of course..:)
Bad Santa Cop.. and.. AKA Human Godzilla.. and.. Good Santa Cop.. and.. Dr. Santa and Mr. Santa.. and his bride of Crazy Santa.. and to all my friends.. and perhaps a few foes perusing.. Merry Christmas And Best New Wishes to ya.. this is yoUr card.. all i have left after ALL THOSE WORDS.. and sure i’ve got some dance coming Saturday Night.. for some other frolicking friends.. perhaps..wink emoticon And yes.. this is where we get married.. approximately 26 years ago.. ON February 21st of 1990 after ‘hooking up’ ALL around the 21st of September 1989.. was a very good year and still is now.. of course.. wRite on course.. as destiny still awaits.. always now.. yes.. on course..wink emoticon AdditionAlly.. tonight is the Eve of the First Full Moon Christmas.. since 1977.. also birth year of friend Shawna.. i think that is significant in some way.. but i’ll have to give it some more intuitive imaginative procesSinG to come up with something new.. but anyway.. more fun Christmas photos coming to my latest blog post.. Birth of LiGht.. and Let’s Keep the LiGht going.. as Love please.. as i’d reAlly Love not to have you on my Bad Santa.. Naughty List.. hehe..wink emoticon
‘GodsUniVerseNovel’.. yes.. that’s a Novel title that works.. ‘Novel Blog Post(s)’ are fairly common but Novels in Free Verse about God.. are rare.. and sure.. special.. for Instance the Koran.. that is comprised of about 2,000 different words is around 80,000 words.. in total length.. and the New Testament has around 128,000 words.. many of the same stories repeated in a different way of course.. as well… but sure decades and centuries to totally make in printed form.. revised as is for today now.. in all the languages those titles come in slightly different in syntax and semantics of human sign language.. AKA Words of human being Collective Abstract Constructs that become the sign language of emotional human language to collect and record as sometimes concrete objects refusing to change.. but hey.. change is reality.. change is now.. and there is no reality but now so far for anyone who lives now.. so to celebrate now is a real way to alive in greater mindful awareness simply now or sure.. in what may seem like this complex way.. but it is free flowing from Subconscious creative mind only needing the song of a keyboard to make the flow of zone real in Fred way here.. unique it is and a non-repeatable human Unique finger print of ART.. all free free as God who will never truly be chained as concrete in block heads stuck in squares and angles of human thinking as feeling Angels come alive in human imagination and creativity set free in the eYes of human Art that match God’s eYes of Nature best when set free to make something truly different reality anew as Life NOW!.. PersonAlly i would Love to read everyone’s own personal GodsUniverseNovel.. as i see God as ALLONE.. in all of dArk and LiGht and fear no pArt of God.. either real or imaginary.. sure except for heights.. but that is an inborn trait of mine.. for staying alive.. as falling can really hurt.. particularly if one weighs 230LBS and up.. as yes.. the bigger they are the harder they fall.. i float like a feather in agility and balance on a fairly even terrestrial plane.. including sand.. to even reduce my chances of falling more over the course of a lifetime.. yes.. walking tall and upright is a place to be.. over the course of a lifetime.. but i digress.. and that is great as Microsoft Word tales me.. i need about a thousand words to make it to the 40,000 official writer entry level to Novel Length.. And for some reason i really wanna finish this Novel in the thirteen days to Christmas starting on December 13th.. ’cause hey.. 12 days of Gifts has already been done.. and this is my Gift to God on Christmas Day.. just because it is.. and i like celebrating all nows as ya kNow.. and this is a very special 13 day Novel Blog Post for God of Nature.. from me and all my friends who inspire me along this 13 day Novel Journey of Blogging for God here now.. And while originally.. i planned on including tomorrow’s rave dance in this last installment of the Trilogy of Free verse Chapters that include “Last and First Verses of GOD”.. “SonG oF mY soUL.. and there are enough Christmas photos today.. already to end with this last installment named “Birth of LiGht.. yes.. ending at my Mother’s Home.. who sets me on a Journey of Love.. at a very young age.. before i can speak.. yes.. the value of a Mother’s Love.. beats all stuff in life.. from the Birth of LiGht at Birth.. even more than Rave Dance.. so yes.. a Mother’s Love Trumps it all.. without a dam Toupee.. with SMiLes and wInks more.. hmm.. does the flow feel like a thousand words yet… i really don’t know as i feel the words as i go.. they always seem new from start to finish and surprise me when they arrive on the page.. and surprise me even more when i come back to read and often see many meanings past the first glance as they hit the page.. truly stream of consciousness free verse writing.. is an amazing gift that hits me about twice in life before an amazing Spark starting in March of 2013.. that has not been put out yet.. in over three million words in this Word Press Blog and more than that.. the five months over at my Blogger websites before i start here on Word Press.. but sparks before include a Christmas story back around 1973 for two home rooms in middle school.. when i win the award for best and i seriously had no idea those words could come out of my hands and a desert of the Christian patriarchy way of my red state community takes my art away.. as boys neither are allowed to art or smile.. as dead heart souls are the Christian Soldier way still then for males yes.. sadly still in the 70’s even after the Beatle’s sing their Song “Love IS ALL YOU NEED”.. Well.. Love without Art and smiles is not much REAL HUMAN LOVE AT ALL.. TO ART AND SMILE IS DIVINE TO SOLDIER IS JUST A HARD KILLING TASK.. FAR FAR FROM THE ESSENCE OF LOVE BUT SURE SOMETIMES NECESSARY TO KEEP HUMAN FREEDOMS ALIVE IN PLACES AROUND THE WORLD WHO WOULD LOVE TO TAKE THAT AWAY AND FORCE ALL HUMANS INTO THEIR CONTRIVED COOKIE CUTTER FEAR INDUCED MOLDS TO MAKE HUMANS MOLDY IN ESSENCE STAGNANT IN WAYS OF RARELY CHANGING AWAY FROM OUR GOD GIVEN HUMAN NATURES THAT ARE IN ESSENCE CONTINUOUS CHANGE IN ADAPTATION FOR ENVIRONMENTAL CHALLENGES to fulfill our built in Human DNA God Of Nature given potentials.. So much talent in the Universe within of the Human Being.. so much wasted in a lifetime of Human being when chained by the restrictive rules of prison and religion/cultures.. so much more to be with the higher power of God within.. explored.. found.. and practiced anew as human being free.. holding hands in Love and Peace.. Moving.. Connecting Creating Free with Imagination to be a gift of GOD that Human truly can BE WHEN SET FREE AS CHILDREN OF GOD WHILE WE DANCE AND SING.. AND SURE WRITE POETRY TOO.. WHEN WE LEARN TO SPEAK THE BEST GOD LANGUAGE WE CAN COME TO MAKE IN OUR OWN GodsUniVerseNovel now in however we can and will express that as Human art of mind and body balance.. in soUL of being.. with heARt of emoTioN expresSinG that SonG oF SoUL as sPiRit NOW so free so free we can be when Free with God WinGs sOaRinG ever hiGher with no limits and expectations of the chains of human prisons enforced on US.. We as God’s Ocean UniVerse NOWasFREE.. oh yeah.. the other time before i reach an age of 53 in a 40 year desert without human free verse then is at age 18.. in Philosophy class with an Instructor named Hunt.. who inspires me with his free verse words.. and Words of God come to me in Universal Nature way no different truly than in the vision quests of my Cherokee and Sioux ancestors in this New world place away from my English.. French.. Irish.. German,, and Spanish ancestors in Old World before.. wheEe Nature is lush and resources are plentiful here in the Green Forests with Fresh Waters of the North American Continent.. this is the new Israel.. as metaphor in another human bible.. there is no doubt that this is the freest place where human overall lives on this planet now.. and God’s way is always Free make no mistake.. God is Free and so are we.. when wild and free as God’s children once again.. reborn as NOW ALIVE..:)
And i’ll end with a slightly revised version.. of the first words of my Free Verse Spark a day before March 1st of 2013.. with one person who befriended me at a time where i had zero friends online.. my only friend on Facebook then.. in a conversation with me in a routine private Message.. just shooting the breeze and like magic these words come to me.. and truly the are a microcosm of all the three million plus words since then.. that comprise this Word Press Blog now.. since August of 2013.. something about the word Synesthesia sparked me when she talked about her experience with that and the rest comes here again.. the lesson from pain becomes free again as me here…
i think i was born as a kind of Classical Pantheist.. as i saw patterns and connections in things that were more of my thinking process, along with the tactile sensory world.. than what I think most people may experience as an internal dialogue of thought… i still have a vivid memory of connection to everything in the world.. as if i had been here forever.. before i was able to speak that i cannot fully put into words.. from about age 3 looking out into the distance over the river i grew up next to.. But i think in some ways i knew more about my existence then than i do now.. as i could not separate myself from what seemed like a very old home of nature… i am glad i had the opportunity to roam desolate pristine beaches as a teenager and young adult.. without any fear.. and feeling one in being with the waves.. white sand.. emerald green gulf.. sea oats and sea gulls.. with no dramas in my head… But even my ancestors could not experience that with not being sure where their next meal was going to come from… Not likely that many creatures in the Universe could experience a little slice of nirvana like that… i can remember getting back into my car and being jolted back into the reality of all that is the complexity of modern culture.. which at that point in time was so.. so limited as compared to today.. i was never quite the same after home computers come along.. as i drifted further and further from a home of nature.. The people i dealt with in the public at that time.. in what was a “Cheers” like environment.. was also a slice of nirvana… Cigarette filled.. but the emotional contagion of a hundred human beings that are happy that i had the privilege to serve and make even happier.. equaled the nirvana of the walks on the sun-filled beaches.. i loved my exquisite sensory experience of life… It was worth not being able to touch man made texture without goose bumps and an incredible feeling of discomfort. When i see Landon Bryce’s book “I Love My Own Autistic Self”, the little guy on the front is how i usually felt inside that people could only see in the gleam of my eyes… People often told me they wished they had what it was i had.. or wanted some of the drugs i was taking.. but i had no idea what they were talking about because there was nothing i wanted but to exist, for so many years… It was a powerful feeling that no one’s negativity could take away from me.. not even when the rest of the world told me i was not one of their kind… Sorry.. that was quite a tangent.. but it is kind of therapeutic for me.. i hope you don’t mind… My point i started off with was religion and Classical Pantheism.. which is all of nature and science for me.. the cultural complexity of what has come from human collective intelligence.. including all the strange oddities.. even the strangest of religious cults and beliefs.. But most of all the reality of that beach those waves.. and those grains of sand.. that do not exist without me… A gift.. a wonderful gift that was provided by my father and mother.. and their ancestors where there could be no break in the chain of events of human struggle that all my ancestors experienced to survive and reproduce.. and their rodent ancestors about 75 million years ago.. and all the other ancestors not identified and material substances that came together to make that possible.. from the origin of what is.. whatever is.. is.. That one point that i can only abstractly define because of the human collective intelligence that provides the map to what can be described.. as one point that we all share that can never be disconnected.. as long as we exist… Wow.. i just realized that sounds kind of like the intro to the “Big Bang Theory” TV show… And relatively speaking the knowledge that i gained that this is one sliver of conscious existence and what really is a little slice of heaven for some that do exist.. considering just the benefit of a warm soft bed.. a hot shower.. and things now considered so mundane that took billions of years to come into existence that were not here a little over a century ago.. Like toilet paper… But i could never experience that connection of what is.. any stronger than when i was three.. i have everything and everyone before me to thank for that experience… Including collective intelligence and the understanding of that one point that still exists in all of us and everything else… i never met a stranger.. not even a grain of sand on the beach… But i did not feel a category.. a religion.. a race or even a gender for myself.. which at least for me enhanced the ability to find a friend in that grain of sand… i suppose it is the immune system issues and chronic pain that has taken some of that gleam out of my eyes.. but it still exists in the eyes in what i perceive of the anthropomorphic expression of the cat in my face book photo… Who at 18 years old is likely closer to the wisdom of that three-year-old child that only exists in my memory and pictures… i sense that type of wisdom requires no human intelligence at all beyond the core that is shared… i think it can be lost so much easier in a human into a little sliver of hell somewhere outside that balance of heaven.. Particularly in lives where instant gratification has become the norm… i am at the service of my fully inside cat.. but he has never had that gleam in his eyes.. or the same struggles to survive… The yellow cat in my Google plus avatar on the “Autistic Hoya” website.. was a feral cat that only knew struggles in his several years of life behind our house in the woods.. He became my emotions after chronic pain had removed them from my existence… He gained a gleam in his eyes of gratitude to have a balance in his life when we allowed him a place to gain predictable subsistence. An identical yellow cat that likely is his offspring.. younger and stronger appears intermittently out of the woods and started to injure our now neutered cat.. racking up $200 dollar vet bills.. every other week so the once feral cat has now been forced to become a fully inside cat… i am watching him slowly lose that gleam in his eyes.. with the call of the wild slowly drifting away.. along with all the likely incredible sensory experiences that come with an outdoor world that the other cat that never gets injured in fights at age 18.. can still fully experience… As i sit outside toward the back of my yard, in the afternoon sun.. he is pacing back and forth politely.. still with a humility of respect for a place of subsistence that keeps him from tearing the screen of the patio. Perhaps if he could speak and let me know in words.. what i was taking away from him.. i would listen. But i cannot bear the thought of additional bloody wounds on his face… But still i remember what it means to have that connection and balance… When i watch him pace back and forth.. it is one of the few things in life that will bring a tear to my eye that reminds me that i too am still connected.. Other than that.. it could be just a word like Synesthesia.. that seems to trigger something in my brain letting the brakes off the logic to move into figurative space.. At least for me.. even one word can be a gift that leads me to a place in words that i don’t often visit…
KATiE MiA Kind Autistics Taking In Everything Mindful in Awareness Autistic Love And the Science of Kindology An Ideological First Identity