I need to arrange this mess in my mind. I need to remind myself once again that I should keep walking no matter what.
There was a time when I read Quran with meanings for the first time. I fell in love with the writer. I started relating quranic teachings with events in my everyday life. I’d pray five times and would stay away from everything that Allah forbade me. I started playing according to the rules. Love was the reason.
Then, with time when I encountered life rendering events, when my vision became broader and I inquired about life more closely, I got confused. Literal meanings and rules of Islam and people following them literally filled my mind with contradiction and heart with turmoil.
When I was on the verge of getting out of the circle of Islam (with my own consent), I was pushed back in (again with…