What was once a Brave New World.. Future Shock.. CATCH 22! OH NO! 1984.. is now a New Experiment.. thanks to the drONEs of the world who keep at it.. like Steve Jobs.. Bill Gates etc.. yes.. at times heartless folks but among many others providing the hive that the Caring Bees and Queens of Love.. the warrior bees.. and even the raping pillaging killing bees with liGht and dArk come online to CHANGE THE WORLD IN A WAY THAT HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE AS iS THE REALITY SHOW of us that is being broadcast for all as even the meekest among us gain a voice where an incredibly powerful now smart phone device like my iPhone 6s.. can even open up all of what i do online.. hehe.. which was literally impossible before.. until the phones got smarter.. haha! and finally the Universe of human in all of Google is accessible for $25 bucks (add in broadband access) a month.. the price of six star Bucks or so power drinks to go along with that.. FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION.. THE GIFT THAT KEEPS GIVING AND YES TAKING FOR FREE OR NOT.. but it is the way out of BONDAGE for closed minded ways of thinking for young folks trapped in minds of school.. government.. and yes church too.. where someone says they have the final word of a know it all BUT OH MY GOD THERE IS AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF NEW STUFF to access and learn ON THE NEW HIVE OF GLOBAL MIND ONLINE.. DARK AND LIGHT… humans no.. are not evolved to connect to more than 150 to 200 sets of flesh and blood eyes but online is new territory where someone like me has connected to literally thousands of folks even when totally and so-called permanently disabled as a shut-in in my home wearing white all day and night.. Hanes style.. smiles.. 100% cotton is a must for my tactile sensitivity issues per jacked up nervous system.. and other stuff.. Anyway.. hairless apes stronger together and with a little flesh and blood distance.. the fear of offending someone goes away not only to hurt someone else’s feelings but the tough love of telling one’s truth and airing it out.. and letting the conversation start… and what one sees are the outliers of us being trashed and defended too.. and human love when free seems to me to more likely win the day.. as i observe the conversations from a far and inside and outside was well.. when we get in bed with everyone.. we find that we at core are different but human too.. most of us anyway.. growing pains of a human that has gone insane strife yes.. smoke and other fumes.. but Truth and LiGht shines online too.. A new democracy of free online as long as we KEEP IT FREE.. AND THE BEES BUZZ ThEIR SonG.. LIgHT AND DaRK iN HoneY BREW..:)
Hi gigoid.. long day of dance shopping.. and glad you liked the metaphors shirt as i continue to metaphor my way in fliGht on Land and pen..:)
Ah.. yes.. the perfection of balance that changes but is totally satisfying with no desires unmet.. where perfection is still metaphor but bliss comes as a nirvana of euphoria where in this state of total fulfillment there is nothing to seek higher.. although perfection in this way changes too.. as the next stage of Nirvana may take one higher than last.. if one remembers it correctly of course.. i could not imagine a better life than the one i have now.. mainly ’cause i am totally satisfied with the one i have for me.. but nah.. i am not satisfied for the fact that there is so much pain.. suffering and literal misery on earth.. and yes.. that is where the constant imperfection comes in.. as the only perfection as a practice of being can be found and practiced within.. the lesson for a lifetime and still an increaSinG lesson as life goes on in excellence as life can and will be when relative human free will is honed in within as potential of being human.. in a perfection of practice as journey and truly never goal.. with paths that continue into iNfiniTy and beyond of course.. as the metaFORcE moves on through US..:)
Shirt of the day says.. “I TRIED TO BE NORMAL BUT I WAS TOO AWESOME”.. YES.. FULL FAILURE AT BEING NORMAL.. TG..wink emoticon
And yes.. there is a story behind this photo of the young skater man who jumped up on the fountain to get a selfie with the 55 year-old dancing man.. yes.. i showed he and his friends.. how to skate backwards on concrete with Nike Shoes.. not something that everyone gets to see close to ‘Footloose’ town where i live.. outlawed in mall halls.. but yes.. if these guys can skate with boards forward on Outside Mall Sidewalks.. i can do it in reverse in my Nike sleds.. with soles of dance.. Thirteen Miles of dance today.. and Eight and a half yesterday makes at least a Half-Marathon of Dance today.. and the miles pile on.. as i approach 5000 miles of dance in around 30 months.. as it seems that Milestone will probably arrive in February around the Super Bowl.. as my 3000 miles mark came last SuperBowl.. yes.. averaging about 1000 miles of dance walking every 6 months.. at around 166.66 miles a month.. as sixes continue to follow me everywhere i go.. wInks.. from birth on 6660..;)
Facebook Friend Rafiah.. from Pakistan.. says..
With someone as lively and excited as you. #bodylanguagesaysitall
Yes.. true.. Friend Rafiah.. Some body language says Sitter and other body language says Rover.. And in words of science.. Around 20% of all animals born are sitters and 80% are Rovers.. Sadly human cultures demand sitting.. So.. truly cultures are about 80% insane.. according to the God of Mother Nature who manifests mostly as Rover for survival.. Of course.. And the greatest cause of human suffering in so-called developed countries is sitting almost all the time.. That represses human Movement.. Connecting.. And Creating.. Thereby repressing human Emotions.. Senses.. As well as Sensuality.. Truly for most people this way of life is insane.. But they do what they are told like sheep for slow tortuous slaughter.. The torture is slow and gradual so folks swallow the biggest falsehood of all of human being to sit still…
When i was born i hated the prison of crib.. My mother said i did not sleep and made a blister on my toe by crawling ’round and ’round in a small circle in the crib.. The Doctor said don’t worry he is hyperactive and will grow out of it.. And when i did not speak until age four the doctor said.. Don’t worry.. He doesn’t talk ’cause you give him everything he needs before he needs to ask for it..
The doctor was only correct on one of those prognoses..wink emoticon
And it took me over 40 years to really come out of the cocoon to fully express myself..
Now i am a Super Rover and Talker…
Before work of sitting still almost literally killed me.. i overheard one of the older employees i supervised say he will never amount to anything ’cause he is too excitable.. He was correct as long as i was imprisoned behind a crib of desk in a four wall office..
Eventually.. After 5 years.. When i recovered.. i proved him wrong by showing to him that i was by far the strongest man of any age at the military gym where he still worked.. Shortly after that he died from diabetes associated illnesses.. After he left the military he refused to exercise.. For 20 years.. and paid the early price for that.. at least in part my friend…
Super Rover.. is a greaTest gift from God.. to me at least.. My friend..:)
Rafiah provides a link from the website.. ‘Humans of Pakistan’ that describes the conversion of a woman to Islam as it is presented to her as a religion of Hope and Love instead of Fear..
Love is the True Angel side of all religions that is real and full of Hope.. Fear is the False Devil side of all religions that is real and full of Hate.. Humans choose the God of Fear or Hope.. Sadly on the TV one most often hears about the God of Fear.. when it comes to the Jewish.. Christian.. or Muslim God.. illustrated as Tribal and Angry at the rest of the Universe… That God of Fear does not exist in the words of my old tennis buddy from high school.. Monsignor Mike.. The Priest from the Catholic Church.. i never miss a Sunday at.. It is the only church in my area now where this God of Hope exists.. Everywhere else.. i dust my feet off and rarely return.. wInks.. i illustrated that God of Hope to Mike when i was his friend in high school.. i did not attend church then.. But perhaps he did not forget my lesson that came all natural to me from birth.. sMiLes of HOPE and LOVE of Tennis Balls at the Court of HOPE..:)
And yes.. TheRe is a song for that named ‘Tennis Court’ by my friend named “Lorde”.. And although i’ve never spoken to her.. It matters not as her God is the God of Hope.. Obviously as well.. My friend Rafiah..smile emoticon
SMiLes.. n0w i neither fear football.. politics.. or religion.. as they are all tribal sports.. the clothing worn is all that changes.. Meanwhile.. God is the Spectators N0W.. the Field/Church/ Capitals and the observer affect/effect of players ALL iN ONe PLAY of Sport in short.. ThErE iS NO ESCAPE.. SMILES AGAIN.. i make the best of ALLTHATIS WITHOUT FEAR.. WTF FTW.. ’cause none of this exists as me when i WiN aGAin and just say WT FRED.. And God smiles laughs wInks just iN case iN p o iN t..:)
SMiLES.. my friend.. gigoid.. actuAlly my words are inspired by your words here per the non-sense of religion away from Nature.. All humans are born to the God of Nature until concepts of human lies for subjugation.. control through illusory fears and false promises replace the God of Nature as Idols.. yes.. words are no less tools as idols than guns and roses.. and pArt of Nature too AS God of Nature too.. as extension of Us.. but of course they are not ALLTHATIS AS GOD BOTH KNOWN AND UNKNOWN.. and is it any surprise to know and feel that God lives within.. i mean duh.. yeah.. Nature is pArt of us too.. but that is where the main resource in lies of psychopathic heARtless leaning folks starts from the get go of the agricultural age.. leisure means sitting still and thinking about the past and the future more than the present forAge for survival.. in moving connecting.. and creating to make the ends meat meet in stomaches together alive now then.. and when the grain gets stored.. the lies of separate from the God of Nature becomes easier to believe as we grow farther from other animals.. that breathe and bleed no different than us and yes.. FEEL AS WELL.. FOR THE DRIVE TO LIVE.. and oh goodness after that.. written words.. collective intelligence and more idols of words.. tools.. like clothes that become more important than human skin.. and then.. we become text on a screen while flesh sits a slow rot.. and the rest is yes.. recorded history and God in us dies a slow cold death in what it even means to move.. connect and create as the God of Nature manifest as us will feel.. and sense the world around us.. and not just in idols of cold hard shells of text.. hmm.. it doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a priest to see and feel God.. just a sentient being moreover with emotions and senses more than words.. but of course.. the only way back for some will be words first.. one at a time.. as the liGht and Life within comes back alive again.. as a real resurrection of being born again with eyes and ears and skin of feet that connect once more with the Sand of GOD.. wheRe there are no sands of time.. just the now of LIFE.. not surprising really that human sees God as human.. it’s the only way we see.. the only problem is when we cannot see more than what we are as pArt of all the ART of Nature as GOD.. and are at least humble enough to understand that there is no such thing as an only son of God.. or a last prophet.. or the one to come who will do it all alone in human skin.. the blanket of Nature aka God covers all seen.. heard.. felt and all the rest.. it’s the common sense we are born with to understand this with no lies.. but of course then comes human words and lies recorded to take us away from the Face of God that is Nature usallthatisasrestofALLASGOD.. But sure.. once again.. there is the human tribal instinct that naturally defends territory.. subsistence resources.. and reproductive controls.. so yes.. there will always be human strife of politics.. religion and football.. as long as there is US.. but soccer is still a better sport in my opinion as well as now as God iS as a Free Beach too.. with US.. my friend.. the Gospel of Thomas expresses a Pantheist God but also still a tribal one with sword and hate of family ideals from before.. it too.. iS PaRtly old and antiquated my friend.. and those of us who are not afraid of Truth and LiGht can see through the lies in a heArtbeat sAMe as US as GOD.. with yes.. sMiLes.. laughs and WInks.. as what beauty can be dreams of God as manifest as Nature iN Human Nature.. a gift of Art and Love or yes.. a Nightmare as weapons of strife and hate.. i’ll take the Love and Art and run with that from NOWON.. with the clear understanding that strife and hate will always be here.. as long as we are only flesh and blood humans.. and that is what we kNow AND FEEL at least for now my friend with Hope and Love for chanGinG what we can can to LiGht and Truth.. as Wisdom.. a Found a TioN of what we Just do and LOVE.. in Victory as ‘Nike’ shows.. barefeET too.. wITh stronger feat..:)
Oh and by the way.. my favorite from the Gospel of Thomas is Verse 37..
37) His disciples said to him, “When will you be visible to us, and when shall we behold you?” He said, “When you strip naked without being ashamed, and take your garments and put them under your feet like little children and tread upon them, then you will see the child of the Living, and you will not be afraid.”
Man that is so profound and easy for Yellow Boy and me to see and feel.. as we fly free in yellow fur and if Yellow Boy doesn’t feel and know it.. it don’t belong to God.. as Free as Nature unclothed my friend.. in US.. as all of culture from words recorded then and now as real and fabricated as spun lies.. of cultural clothes.. that i for one tread on always now to simply be FREE as the living ONE WITHIN OUTSIDE.. BELOW.. SO ABOVE.. ALL AROUND NOW JUST NOW NOW A L L T H A T I S N O W..:)
SMiLes to you.. as well my friend.. TheRe iS a SonG by Katy Perry that becomes more of my story as life goes on.. ‘ET’.. But most ironically.. i am from here..;)
Well.. it’s almost time for dVerse Haibun Monday.. that is now expanded to twice a month.. and today’s prompt has a specific photo of a beautiful pink Japanese Flower that blooms in the Snow of Winter.. But reAlly my Pink Butterfly Bush is more impressive now for today as it blooms A Summer Flower in the first January of North Florida in Memory that didn’t receive a killing Frost until last night.. so of course i captured both the wonder frost for the first time and what likely will be the last day in life of the Butterfly Bush.. in the next day or so.. as below freezing temperatures are forecast again tonight.. and also i captured the last bright green patch of Centipede grass.. as some of it is now accelerating to the normal hue of brown for this time of year in North Florida Winters that can get as low as single digits with several inches of rare snow every once in a while of a decade fluke of flakes.. So sure.. i will illustrate this now.. both in flowers.. and grass as well as frost.. and not now actually post the referenced Flower as you get the idea huh.. WiNks and while this free flowing narrative iS in prose.. and FREE poetry also known as Free Verse Poetry all Free like God and me.. it will be more than the referenced limit of 200 words in that prompt.. as God and me are a river with no shores to bound us or tie us up or chain us in books as it were and as it is sadly in all corners of the world still.. so here is the Haiku part of this Fredbun that is.. no not a professional Haibun but never the less it is what is free at this point of God and Me..
God Flows letting go.. Free me.. passing Frozen..:)
Okay.. this will be the comments section for now.. for this week long prompt with other comments sections dedicated to it depending on where i cut and paste the poetry here to a published whatever that it then is comes to be for now.. Sorry if i sound a little now like Yoda.. when i speak butt sure there is a reason for that as well.. it is what it is and so we are.. so more side note here as it comes and free flows go.. as thoughts now today.. while feat of feet of me come one with 45F temperatures outside wheRe Sun and White Sands warm me from head to toe as the all tan of me continues through the now cold of Winter.. and truly a flower that weathers challenge is always more beautiful weather drought.. cold.. or other extremes of Winter and Summer and all seasons in between.. same is true of all the animals including we humans too.. As Tennessee the inside outside cat.. sixteen years old.. from down the road.. basks in the Sun and still roams the neighborhood.. Yellow Boy a cultured and reformed feral cat now house cat.. with still wild streaks that call of the wild.. demands his Sunshine on the Patio with meows of OH GOD PLEASE.. AS SOON as Winter Clouds go away.. and his yellow fur becomes one in color with A Sun of GOD.. but Moby the big grey whale of cat is not nearly as fortunate in his lot of life.. when i first me Moby he was peering at me through a neighbor’s window in Winter Time.. i thought to my self oh what a pretty fluffy loving grey cat.. would love to have one as then i am too allergic to have one inside.. And i also see him walking outside with a Red Winter Sweater owned.. animals with clothes are cute.. huh.. but it was a harbinger of what was to come for his life later.. where all comfort is brought to him.. and all he gives in return is Loving Purrs for survival.. but no one told him or allowed him to hear the Call of God aka the CALL OF THE WILD.. SO NOW HIS DOMESTICATED STATE OF JUST FOOD AND LOVE HAS LED TO a diabetic cat.. early onset osteo-arthritis.. and the same stuff one sees with obese Walmart Shoppers in their new feet of carts.. instead of soles that still feel the sand of earth as ONE FORCE OF GOD.. and to be clear some of this can be genetic.. but nah.. anyone who lives just three or four decades ago.. without all the inside entertainment of today can tale ya.. it is the hell of modern culture that says sit on your butt and keep the sugars and starches coming.. not the foraging way of life that is the hunting way of wild cats too.. like we humans when we too hear the Call of God all wild and FREE for basic survival not unlike any other animal of free.. So.. Moby pays the price of a human bred culture.. he can barely make it to the Litter Box and no longer has the strength to squat.. only 10 years old.. and at 20 years old our inside outside cat Arthur.. was still roaming the streets and woods for the hunt of life.. win i started my blogging adventure.. my first blog post was a lesson of three cats.. the balanced noble outside inside one.. the totally domesticated one.. and the feral one stuck now in the purgatory of human hell.. but fortunately for him.. he still hears the call of the Wild inside and when A Sun of GOD now comes he still demands his place with that Sun Free Basking in the Internal warmth that Sun provides in the eternal existence of now.. as he cares not for the past or future.. he lives one with A Sun of GOD.. and yes.. i do too.. ’cause sure.. i could have had Moby’s fate as well for the ignorant among us and the ignorant that has been me too.. not to realize THIS IS REALITY.. WE ARE HUMAN ANIMALS.. AND THE GOD OF MOTHER NATURE TRUTH AND LIGHT APPLIES TO ALL OF US EQUALLY whether we wanna follow the lies of Culture.. or Politics of Religion that will tale you.. you must be less than human to become God as sAMe As a child of Mother Nature TRUTH AND LIGHT.. ALL THE ANSWERS ARE ON THE BEACH.. IN THE DESERT.. UNDER A TREE.. OR IN A CAVE.. BUT THE REALITY TOO.. IS.. IF ONE IS GOING TO ESCAPE THE CAVE ONE MUST NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE CALL OF THE WILD WHERE GOD CALLS US FREE TO BE WITH GOD AS SamE.. sadly.. both Moby and now.. other human animals lose sight of that reality long long ago.. perhaps a glimpse in childhood before Culture and the politics of religion took most or ALL OF IT AWAY.. Nah… fat cats aren’t just corporate leaders.. they are human too.. and they need help to the moving connecting and creating way of GOD.. perhaps it is hard for some to hear or see.. but the TRUTH AND LIGHT IS GOD IS REAL NOW AND SO ARE WE.. NOW JUST NOW..:)
Now.. off to dVerse to see what poeTry.. snowy flowers inspire iN others.. NOW..:)
* Oh.. the worry of Nature knows no animal eyes except for human who will try its best to escape the challenge and adapt of Nature.. oh human lies they sit so well and pretty.. until they lie so still…
Human FLowers LIve..:)
* A time for hope a time for fear…
A now for LiFE..:)
* FLower of Life you skate on ice you feel the cold you fall.. you break the ice.. but still you wake alive to skate with grace..
PInk FLowers all alone steer queer Flow ALLONE..:)
Culture alive.. Culture shaRed.. culture fLowers cold or hot…
PInk ways ALLONE..:)
SMiLes.. sadly too many folks these nows.. THiNK that heArt iS iN head..
when iT stiLL moves.. connects.. creates now.. more.. than sitting sTiLLaLiVe..:)
SMiLEs.. so glad you didn’t wait on the rules as this is one of my favorites Glenn.. and who is who to suggest who can comment.. that part was funny.. Anyway.. fame is a killer of human freedoms.. always has been.. always will.. i will never be famous.. i took care of that from the get go.. with my all male renaissance age nude art.. the homophobes will always be too terrified of that to let me in a place i never wanna go.. but never the less just a year into my dance.. named as legend by the audience.. and not the critics.. just for the non-verbal pArt of me.. that i carry naked all places i go.. no one.. NO ONE OWNS either the poeTry of me or the dance of me.. or any pArt of me but God.. of course one must reTire first to achieve that as employer is now just another name for slave owner as has been the case from the first foray from A forAge of Life.. It’s times like these that are the nows of free i relish the most.. not to be paRt of any ART that is not TOTALLY FREE LIKE ME AND GOD.. sMiLes of Art my friend and i appreciate alWays the rebel with a ’cause.. and yeah.. the pInk snowy flower is a cool prompt too.. if you decide to do that too..
i’ll be back.. as Arnold says.. again..;)
Living Flowers GloWsNow PInk…
Other Flowers.. froZen cOld..:)
SMiLes My friend.. greaTest Love..
God’s gift NOW..:)
Well that is seven.. including Glenn’s Poem that thank Goodness is still existing on the lInk pAge at least long enough for me to get tHere.. back to Sand and Sun and tan of me.. aLive.. as there are sTill Mores of that aLive for NOW.. and back later for more as alWays of course..;)
Several detours here and there and now back at 11:55 pm 1112016 to catch up to the rest..:)
Birds rest on home of storm.. Birds fly in storm of home.. Birds pray on WinGs of fliGht..
Words say less than WinGs..:)
SMiLes.. while some philosophies suggest that human ego is not pArt of Zen Art.. i beg to differ as Zen can be fluid ego as Art of Zen actor of us as well.. anyway.. relative free will spells all free as…
SMiLes.. squirrels of grey gathering life come snow or color…
Life iS whAT cOUnts..:)
Love.. a flower that grows.. flower.. a Love that glows..
Red.. a color both ways.. goes..:)
SMiLes.. reminds me of A non-fictional story of after my Grandmother’s funeral on a grey and rainy day… A purple flower rises beyond a pebble..
My Uncle says mom still cares..:)
LiGht of sun IsRaEL iS God’s BriGht LiGht…
SonG of pInk.. Love.. kiNd..:)
* True.. Major Tom goes.. but Major Tom continues to come again and again..
Eternal singularity SonG.. YouTube’s forever..:)
Smiles.. first.. just to let you know.. Candy.. your link did not directly link here.. but hopefully most folks will look further and still find it here.. with no problem at all.. like me.. smiles..
And back to your poem.. smiles.. reminds me of my Grandmother’s crab apple tree on the river i am raised at…
Picking best switches.. butt red..;)
Best pARt smARt phOnes capturing now..
tiny floWers ‘come Hope.. smARt..:)
SMiLes.. a little sour pudding floWer.. goes aLonG way to diStill Instant Gratification..
Bitter Flowers taste live Alive again..:)
Well.. okay.. again.. all dVerse has to offer today.. in 19 official Haibun way.. all caught up.. now.. i thINk i’ll soon publish this.. and continue the rest of the weekly Fredbun’s in a comment(s) section(s) of the next blog post(s).. as this baby is gettin’ a miGht heavy in weiGht of words..;)
1:08 am 1122016
Victoria’s comment in response to my ‘triNiTy of Love’ post.. on Google Plus..
One of my favorite things about blogging is that we are able to create friendships that transcend religious and cultural differences. Maybe our world leaders need to blog!
SMiLes.. my friend Victoria.. additionAlly.. if World Leaders could greater connect language to heArt.. and actuAlly feel the hurt of others.. the world could be a more Loving place to floWer Hope and Love.. instead of Fear and Hate.. perhaps they should dance togetHer too.. i’m not asking for naked yet.. but perhaps that will come too.. as sometimes one must ask the higher sailing price.. to navigate oceans horizons.. my friend..:)
Side trip to Shawna’s new and alWays temporary place..
Yes.. Gemini.. hear.. and tide is coming too.. but is iT rolling.. later now will tale..;)
And i have to say that this SonG come what may.. is the SonG of my life i wanted to SinG in beauty of voice at age whatever it was when i watched this movie.. and now i return.. and find i did it and dam.. i even SinG better but the voice is not mine.. alone.. ALL ONE and it only comes with choirs of ArchAngels at church.. not unlike the choirs i heard as a child coming from somewhere before confessionals.. as then.. but anyway.. the lesson i learned is the only one i could ever Love.. come what may.. and who will eventuAlly return that Love as me iS God end and beginning of never ending story my friend.. the giving never ends and never takes any effort as mE.. with GOD now.. sMiLEs of Love.. that jUSt gives.. no illusion.. iT iS ALL REAL NOW.. and yes the gAMe continues soon..;)
What’s up with the muse my friend.. trust is not the only four letter word.. theRe is also the Tide.. ok.. see ya.. going to the gym.. the gAMe will be on tHere.. and i will keep a hEar out for the Big REd..;)
Okay.. flash back to hmm.. 1981.. i am sitting across an Italian dimly candle-lit restaurant.. yes.. it’s the prom.. and i’ll just call her M.. here.. as you never know who is listening on Facebook.. smiles..
She is somewhere around 16.. half Italian.. and she asks 20 year-old me.. soon to be 21.. to the Prom.. little did i know or feel.. then.. it was to make another dude jealous.. but that was okay.. as really after being depressed.. over another girl breaking up with me.. my first Love S.. half-cuban.. and all.. me at age 19.. i was just happy to get out of that funk.. no matter what..
And i met another friend.. named R.. half Guamanian.. somewhere around that time frame.. also around age 16 who became one of my only real friends during that time frame too.. as i remember her also at the base pool.. in the Summer of 1980… yes.. the base pool.. a great place to meet girls.. then.. at least..
Yeah.. it’s easy to get isolated in a bigger University.. especially if your social skills ain’t all that great.. like mine were not.. as a really geeky nerdy dude.. not unlike that Sheldon dude off of the Big Bang TV show.. and yeah.. i had big gold wire frame glasses like Napoleon Dynamite too.. just in a little better shape from lots of running.. including 10K races.. and desperate weight lifting since 12 to be bigger than a string bean.. in way of arms.. and bird legs too…
Anyway.. all these 16 year old girls.. hmm.. remembering that song.. “She’s Just 16 Years Old”.. now.. the song my friend Benny kidded me about.. when i was ‘seeing’ them.. but really yes.. even though i was four years older or so.. they were years ahead of me in both emotional and ‘sensual’ intelligences.. oh the life of a Nerd.. and or Geek can be so traumatic at ages before.. hmm.. 40 or so.. or at least 28.. when i met the real Love of my life.. yes.. THE K.. at age 18..
OKAY.. BACK to the dimly candle-lit restaurant.. as you might imagine i was looking at M intently.. FOCUSED.. as.. yes i really like dark hair dark brown eye girls.. VERY VERY MUCH.. and she says to me.. with a tear in her eye.. oh God your eyes are scaring me.. i had no idea really what she and others were talking about when they said i had piercing eyes.. until i got a selfie camera.. and saw the focused look for myself..
OK.. end and beginning of the story for now again..
AND THEN.. after i figure out she was using me.. no big deal really.. and later come to find out she thought i was kinda weird for not making ‘those moves on her’.. later at the beach after the prom.. i was doing Summer University School.. and yeah.. that reminds me of another girl.. age 18.. can’t remember her name.. OH GOD.. she worked at Burger King.. yes.. her name starts with N.. like Name.. anyway..
i remember her telling me about loving the song “I’m Alive” by ELO.. and oh GOD she was really ‘stacked’ as ‘they’ said then.. and one night when we talked to early morning on a Summer humid Night with the birds chirping early she went on to say.. she almost committed suicide one time.. that i could not ever imagine doing then..
And boy did she have kaleidoscope eyes.. like “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”.. and when i was driving back.. i heard that song by Olivia Newton John.. named “Magic”.. also in the Summer of the 16 year-old girls in 1980.. and man that song really sounded like magic.. ’cause there was just a tinge of Love in the air again..
But nah.. not like the first 16 year-old one.. i didn’t understand then.. that it really never feels like the first time.. as far as emotions.. go.. as that sex thingy.. was a real let down.. not the best part by far.. okay.. and there is a bunch of girls i just mentioned.. and i ain’t saying which letters i did anything with.. to protect the anonymous.. hehe..
Anyway.. back to 1981.. it’s getting near the regular school year again.. and man i’m really getting depressed ’cause i just can’t seem to really connect emotionally to any girls at the University.. but yeah.. i’ve got some friends named Linda and Donna.. that interestingly like me for my personality.. i couldn’t figure out why.. it sure wasn’t my wire frame thick glasses and that’s for sure.. i guess.. but still really just casual acquaintances kinda like my dancing friends now.. just friends.. just friends.. is all.. and that is why i have no problem naming them.. at all…
But yeah.. i start getting depressed again.. and it doesn’t help that i am a Psychology major and it’s all about depressing stuff.. so one September morning in school.. as it starts.. something sparks in my brain.. i feel really social.. and i feel drawn drawn to the beach.. it’s like there’s some kinda spirit inside of me calling me there.. but no i’ve never actually heard voices..
Ugh.. that would be really scary.. but still.. come to the beach is the feeling i got.. so i went.. and then.. i just started walking and walking.. and telling myself over and over there is nothing i really want in life.. i just wanna live and feel.. and be alive.. kinda like what N was talking about the year before..
And then.. i imagined what it must have been like for Moses.. Jesus.. and St Francis of Assisi.. finding their internal meanings inside for how they feel about God.. in Nature.. at the Desert.. etc.. and i had already determined that God was all natural and part of everything as everything by that point.. thanks to a great philosophy teacher named Mr. Hunt..
So.. i walked and walked until the dark of night.. and could not sleep for 3 full days.. little did i know.. i was experiencing my first real manic episode of my life.. they happened before at times like sparks.. but never for days on end like this.. anyway to make a long story shorter eventually my mother tested me to see if i had gone bonkers.. but my main issue was really Asperger’s Syndrome.. of which there was no diagnosis then..
So the Doctors just threw their arms up.. and gave up on me.. as i still made plenty of logical sense.. it’s just that i could put my finger in the flame of a lighter right in front of me.. and i felt zero pain.. so yeah.. they said this dude is euphoric.. and we need to bring him down.. yeah.. they did for a little while with some drugs..
But i threw them away.. got balanced again with exercise.. and had a run of almost two decades without any real depression.. and often delightfully happy.. until i hit the office life and dead-like soulless University environment again.. of solving problems.. instead of connecting to humans.. like i did at the Military Bowling Center for almost two decades of humanity…
Anyway.. i’m reAlly happy now.. and balanced.. but my brain works way too fast for most folks.. and even i have trouble keeping up with it at times with verbal speech.. but hey.. i can type really really fast.. and sometimes almost catch up to it.. and that really feels great..
Oh yeah.. and finally during that really manic three month period during 1981.. M’s father who was from the Catholic Church.. where i returned during my vision quest/religious experience then.. didn’t like me and told me i needed to get my S together.. and no.. not the S who was my first girlfriend.. half cuban.. as such..
But M’s Mother told me.. ‘you know something don’t you’.. as she could sense i had gotten much closer in being ONE with GOD.. HOWEVER.. i HAD NO WAY TO PUT THAT IN WORDS THEN.. BUT YES.. i do now.. and that is wheRe the story continues.. far far.. far until who knows or feels when.. with wInks of course.. of words and words more.. of what’s between my two ears.. and the rest of me too..;)
Anyway.. the activity of writing about the memories of one’s past where deep emotions of dArk and liGht are experienced along with memories of songs.. still easily accessible with great YouTube resources.. and even movies from the past associated with strong feelings.. is the Art of what is key in helping to bRinG my experiences of emotions of the past.. then.. to live those emotions again..
iN the present.. where once again.. positive emotions inspire me.. no longer controlled by the fight or flight stress neuro-hormones of fear and anxiety to move ahead.. that eventually wear a person down.. and can seriously lead to premature death.. or just living like a Zombie.. as it were for me.. for sure.. during that 66 months of the Deadzone then..
And yes.. therapists are even using songs of old for folks with Dementia.. as truly emotions strongly related to songs of the past are what glues memories together.. and while most humans no longer sing and dance.. as moving.. connecting.. creating creatures..
The mirror neuron activity.. of listening and watching what others do.. has a beneficial impact in expanding our empathic natures as Social and even Altruistic animals.. namely H for Human.. when firing on all 8 cylinders as it were.. and can be again.. or perhaps 12.. if one becomes a Ferrari human being.. super tuned.. as well as being human now can bE..:)