A Girl.. a student of life.. A Girl.. an Athletic Girl.. A Girl who is lonely and finds a friend.. a stranger on the phone.. A Girl.. a Computer Scientist in the making.. always good grades at the top of the class.. No Girl.. anymore.. A 23 year-old woman.. married now.. filling the role that religion and culture expects from her.. But it’s not working.. even a Loving Caring Husband is not enough to fill an empty space within.. but here’s the thing.. humans have never been cookie cutter things of culture and religion.. humans are free when allowed to be that way.. And sometimes when we move away from our gifts from God we suffer at the hand of cultures.. religions.. and yes.. even our own hand that forgets how to be free.. find purpose and meaning.. move freely.. connect freely.. and create something new and useful for the rest of the tribe of human social animals.. so i see this rather shy woman sitting in this Dark Northern European Foggy place.. much different than the bright Sun of Pakistan Land.. an apartment perhaps.. with this window view.. a walk to the ocean but still there is something missing.. depression is not truly moving.. connecting and creating.. finding meaning and purpose in life.. depression is God’s signal to us to change for whatever it is that is our purpose and meaning in life.. and for you my friend.. apparently Marriage wasn’t the thing.. as sure it is enough to fill many women up.. who want children and to raise a family.. but here’s the other thing.. throughout history of humankind.. there has always been a village of other women and men to help raise the children along the way.. so here you are.. two nomads.. you and your husband embarking on this journey alone.. in a new country.. one that is likely not always welcoming to you.. particularly in times of now.. so yes.. i have been listening close to you.. these two years.. and some four months.. and i remember most of what you said.. in stormy mood swings of up and down.. but now.. at least from what you bring here.. in the last several months.. the mood is all down.. and truly i am too far away and do not know and feel enough about your situation still.. to offer you any real concrete kind of help.. i’m not much of one to recommend psychiatrists to people with issues of emotional numbness.. but there are some good therapists that can help with this issue of numbness that takes away our motivation to move.. connect and create.. it is good to see you have enough pain here of the emotional and physical kind to create here and express your feelings of darkness.. but what i’ve noticed is.. even in your ups and downs of the past.. you used to connect to every single person who comes here.. no matter what.. so yes.. apparently the depression has even taken the pleasure out of that.. but again.. how little i know of you.. as i vaguely even remember what you look like in your Facebook photo.. sitting on that bench.. with the oversize glasses.. looking shy and pensive about the world.. so while there might be great stigma in your cultural past in seeking professional help for depression.. it might be worth a try if you can find a good therapist.. as you know i’ve suffered with this issue when i am a little younger than you now.. and much later in life for an entire run of 66 months.. and sometimes honestly even with the best of help.. and Love from immediate family the only answer is to survive.. and pray for a miracle.. in whatever way works for you.. it worked for me.. 66 months was a long to wait.. but the bottom line is.. i waited and the answer eventually came.. and now at age 55.. i’ve never been stronger.. healthier or happier than now.. in all ways of moving.. connecting.. and creating.. in fact if i was anymore happy.. it might be uncomfortably happy to the point.. where i might sink again.. balance my friend.. as in all stuff creation.. balance.. finding it and keeping it is the difficult pArt.. but possible.. and yes.. the greaTest lesson in my life i’ve learned is no matter how dark it gets from the pit of hell.. heaven is here waiting.. it’s just a matter of a personal path and journey to work for it.. find it.. and practice it.. as Lord knows.. now.. we all have to do this now.. good luck to you.. i’d really like to hear back from you.. but hey.. i.. my friend LaLa Rukh.. have then.. been to a hell so deep that the patience of Biblical JOB belongs to me.. and that is the greaTesT gift from God i know.. and FEEL and perhaps that will be your destiny as well.. to set you completely free with God like me one now my friend.. THAT is the greaTest prayer and blessing i could wish for anyone.. to go to hell.. and stay in heaven always now after that.. you sound like you are pretty close to hell too.. but yes.. my friend.. the Kingdom of God in Heaven is here and just waiting for you to find it and practice it all your nows now in moving.. connecting.. creating.. in purpose and meaning all now.. iN one word LIVINGNOW.. And yes.. i still Love you Friend.. and no.. i’m not really feeling any Love back from you anymore.. but hey.. REAL Love is giving.. not taking.. you give it to me when i first get here.. and that’s enough for a Loyal Friend Forever.. at least for me.. no matter what comes in dArk and Light.. and ha! no marriage vows or threats of death required.. Love is easy when it Lives now.. FREEASLIGHT..:)
Oh yeah.. one other thing.. the only other gift i have for now for you.. is this song.. and sure i gave it to you once before and you are familiar with it.. as you stated then.. and truly in those 66 months as a tear comes to my eye now.. this woman Katy Perry with this song.. is then in 2010.. the only faint spark of soul that this song brings to me then.. where i am at least 6000 feet underground and i rise again.. and she gives me that first faint spark that brings my heARt.. spiRit of ExpresSinG emoTioNS of heArt back in a mind and body balanCinG soUL once again.. you are not a wasted space my dear you’re an original and there is a Hurricane that comes with a Rainbow.. and that Lightening bolt is me.. so yes.. By GOD’s name Katy Perry is a greATEST Prophet and Healer greater than mythical Thoth.. Krishna.. Buddha.. Brighter than the moon and the star of Jesus and Muhammad.. ’cause she found the tool.. yes.. as INSTRUMENT OF ALLAH NOW TOO.. the healing power.. to help bring the Devil back from Hell.. and i freely admit I am the Devil friend.. but no more.. ’cause Katy Perry and so many others.. including Mr. Jesus helped bring me back from HELL.. so my mission in Life is to do the same.. and that my friend is how the continuous circle of Angels/Saints and Devils/Demons sAMe works.. in a circle of dark and light same as now.. wHeRe we just each help each other up when we fall down.. and that my friend is GOD TOO.. ALL MERCIFUL.. WHO WILL NEVER EVER SEND ANYONE TO HELL FOREVER.. AS we are God’s friends to help in this longterm endeavor..:)
And yeah.. more or less this is my next Blog post.. titled “A Girl and A Devil”.. but first a little Public Devil dancing to fully illustrate more of this.. before this blog post comes.. smiles.. and still the last blog post titled Alien of Creativity.. with faster links comes to Facebook.. that is kinda like a bridge here.. as well.. as ALL things in life.. Bridges of connectivity.. it’s what’s for Dinner.. Lunch.. and Breakfast.. in soul food ways..:)
The Day of the Dancing Devil..
well.. yeah.. Darth Maul.. it’s the closest thing i have
for a Devil shirt.. representing the dark side.. also in
illustration of this next blog post.. ‘A Girl And A Devil’..:)
And yes.. while i’ve often presented Charlie’s Angels here and Facebook.. from Seville Quarter on Thursday Night.. here are my Super-Walmart.. Angels.. for dance.. including wife Katrina on the right.. and the other two young ladies.. also serve us as at Ryan’s All You Can Eat Buffet on Sunday after Church.. to fuel me up again for the next week of dance.. but yes.. they are just spectators.. and do not really join in on the dance.. at Super Walmart.. i mostly go solo.. and that’s okay.. as i create the moves as i go anyway.. with just the God of Nature and me..;)
And yes.. the young Silver Haired Lady..
comes up and pulls up my sleeve and asks me to flex
one or two for her.. before she takes Katrina and i’s photo.. and no..
i haven’t provided her with my blog posts ‘links’ yet.. as she might not be ready for all of that..;)
as a Devil of sorts.. more specifically.. Darth Maul.. the Sith as pArt of the Dark side.. to walk in to the Best Buy store.. for all types of electronics.. and find the dArk side there.. greeting me.. just about to break out into joyous dance with arms raised in air..
Yeah.. before this good news.. i laid my iPhone 6S.. ear buds down
for just a few moments in the Dollar General store.. walked away..
and someone swiped the ear buds.. as sure.. they ‘think’
they can get away with it.. as no one is watching.. huh..
well yeah.. think again.. ear buds are cheap..
but souls cost… BIG TIME NOW…
Encouraging ‘this’.. is..
as of course
to get terrorists..
to Dance Naked with ‘Nympths’..
or at least partially clothed.. with shorts and T-shirt like me..
’cause.. seriously.. who needs 72 Virgins.. after life.. AFTER MURDERING SOMEONE.. when you can dance with a zillion beautiful girls now.. if you just learn how to dance.. truly it’s as simple as that.. and i don’t remember the last time.. anyone used a gun in the act of sensual dance with the opposite sex..
And yes.. if they still demand at least one virginal looking group of girls after death as a reward with firm breasts.. there’s always porno too.. NOW TOO.. with a zillion more girls.. that they will not have to hurt to rape either.. as unwilling.. they might be in real life.. as they are just a fantasy.. and you know what they say.. about Imaginary Lovers too..
Let’s face it.. if the APE.. THE BONOBO..
CAN LIVE WITHOUT AGGRESSION.. VIOLENCE..
OR WARS.. UNDER THE ALL NATURAL POWER OF GOD..
using the power of Lust and Love..
PERHAPS.. we need to just burn ALL THE SO CALLED SACRED TEXTS..
AND JUST BE FREE.. ”CAUSE BY GOD.. FROM THE TIME OF THE BIBLE AND THE BLOODY CRUSADES.. TO THE MISPLACED WAR IN IRAQ.. TO THE TERRORIST ACTS NOW.. WHEN PEOPLE TWIST SO-CALLED SACRED WORDS INTO SUPPORT FOR KILLING TOOLS.. AGAINST OTHER INNOCENT HUMANS..
GOD GETS VERY PISSED OFF.. ‘CAUSE HERE’S THE THING..
WANNA BE TERRORISTS.. AND THOSE OTHER FOLKS
WHO CHOP OFF HEADS AND STUFF LIKE THAT..
GOD LIVES WITHIN ALL OF GOD’S CREATION..
AND WHENEVER YOU DO ANYTHING OTHER
THAN GIVE THAT CREATION PLEASURE.. YOU ARE HARMING GOD..
YOUR JOB.. HERE ON EARTH.. IS TO SHOW GOD WITHIN A GOOD TIME.. AND HELP ALL OF THE REST OF CREATION IN BALANCE HAVING THE BEST TIME POSSIBLE WITH GOD WITHIN.. ON THIS TERRESTRIAL PLANE.. to yes.. show God a GOOD NOW…
AND TRUST ME.. YAH.. DON’T WANNA F WITH GOD..
‘CAUSE THE NEXT TIME YOU HARM A HAIR ON
ANY PART OF GOD’S INNOCENT CREATION FOR
SELFISH MISPLACED GREEED..
POWER.. STATUS.. OR
WHATEVER SELFISH REASON..
TO SHOW WHO IS RIGHT OR WRONG..
IN HUMAN MANUFACTURED EVIL WAYS OF RIGHT OR WRONG..
GOD WILL NEVER FORGET THIS.. ‘CAUSE GOD LIVES WITHIN.. AND TRUST ME.. OR NOT.. INFINITY AND ETERNITY LASTS A VERY LONG TIME.. AND I’VE ALREADY FELT GOD’S WRATH.. PLAIN AND CLEAR IN THIS LIFETIME.. AND I AIN’T NEARLY KILLED ANYONE.. TO HAVE TO GO TO REAL HELL IN THIS LIFE.. TO GET MY SLATE CLEAN..
LET’S JUST PUT IT THIS WAY.. ONE DAY NOW OR ONE DAY THEN.. YOU WILL FACE GOD FACE TO FACE WITHIN.. AND YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE TO ANSWER TO BUT YOU AND GOD ALL ALONE EITHER SEPARATE OR TOGETHER ALLONE.. THERE IS NO ESCAPING THE GOD OF NATURE.. FOR ETERNITY AS IS NOW..
SO.. THE NEXT TIME YOU HURT ANY
HAIR ON THE HEADS OF ANY PERSON..
YOU ARE HURTING THE HAIR OF GOD..
AND JUST IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE
TO BE BORN AS A GRASSHOPPER A THOUSAND
LIFETIMES IN A ROW.. AND GET STEPPED ON EACH TIME..
‘CAUSE .. IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE GOD CAN DO ANYTHING.. PERHAPS GOD WILL..
THE BEST BET IS TO LOVE EVERYONE LIKE YOURSELF.. AND DO NO HARM.. AND SHOW GOD A GOOD TIME WITHIN.. SO GOD WILL BE PLEASED.. ‘CAUSE NO ONE WILL ENJOY.. DISPLEASED GOD WITHIN..
BELIEVE IT OR NOT… IT’S UP TO YOU.. YOUR FATE..
YOUR DESTINY BETWEEN GOD AND YOU..
I CAN ONLY RELATE THIS EXPERIENCE
FROM EYES OF ME.. BUT NAH.. YA DON’T WANNA F
WITH GOD’S CREATION.. YOU CAN TRUST ME ON THAT.. YA DONT’
WANNA SEE GOD ANGRY.. THAT PLACE IS TRULY HELL NOW.. FOR ANYONE.. WHO WALKS IN THAT DOOR.. OF HARMING AN INNOCENT OTHER PART OF GOD’S CREATION.. THAT LIVES WITHIN.. AND IF YOU DO.. PERHAPS ONE DAY YOU WILL REMEMBER THESE WORDS… LIGHT OR DARK.. THAT’S UP TO YOU..
But anyway.. i had a gift card for Best Buy..
that i never used as there is nothing.. i needed until today..
and it almost covered the cost of the Ear Buds..
Balance Baby.. it’s what life is all about..
and when you throw balance out..
you literally are
throwing GoD out now..
of a place of Heaven now..
Live and learn.. and practice more than preach.. it’s what i did.. AND DO and it F in Works for this F.. for sure.. too..